Ever worried you’ll end up alone?

Liveslife • Sep 22, 2020

You never know what around the corner.

Bunnie • Sep 22, 2020

No. I’d rather spend my time enjoying life solo than in a situation I don’t want to be in out of fear of being alone. I’ve spent my whole life entering relationships I didn’t really want to be in. It’s not that I didn’t love the people I was with, I did very much... I just never understood the concept of entering a relationship mindfully.
Nowadays I can’t imagine going about things any other way than I have come to now know, and I have considered the possibility that I may or may not ever find my forever place... and have kind of made peace with that.

Sasa​(dom female) • Sep 22, 2020

Am I a unicorn here when I say, no? I have friends, I'm mostly happy with myself, I see so many interesting people here and in my area. I know what I'm looking for, I know it's there and I enjoy my roller coaster journey so far... ok, not always but I try. It doesn't mean it's easy with a happy blue sky all the time, but I want to see my someone fully and from a point of abundance. I already saw a first glimpse of him so no, I don't worry. I know it will good.

kajirasubm{On Hiatus } • Sep 22, 2020

A solitary path is time for personal growth.
There is nothing to fear.
The strengths which you gain are both limitless and priceless.
Life is about learning.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Sep 22, 2020

Sasa wrote: "Am I a unicorn here when I say, no? "

i read this thread six minutes after it was started and was coming back to answer "no" too, so do we comprise a herd of unicorns?

i was with someone for 31 years, but was still 'alone,' which it's own special kind of torture (not the good kind for all you S/m folk). Like Sasa, i have friends. Sex has never really been all that hard to get.

Don't get me wrong, i'd love to have a special someone in my life, and look for and pursue such a person, but i don't worry about it. i get little pieces here and there, enough to have kept me on keel. i've met and know/known some awesome people, life's good.

i know i am complex, and i give the same nod to others. Hell, you can't have read many posts on this site to not realize we're all pretty much in the same boat, looking to connect with another or others who 'fits.' On the surface, that seems it should be easy enough, we even have computers to aid us. But the truth is, we are all custom made and traditional one size fits all will never work. Even a department store filled with racks of people doesn't guarantee a 'fit.'

Sasa​(dom female) • Sep 22, 2020

A herd of unicorns is a good idea hope it's growing. yes, I know what you mean. I never felt so lonely while I was in my last relationship. We will find what we're looking for and until I have it I enjoy what's in front of my nose

broadenedhorizons​(switch male) • Sep 22, 2020

this is a heck of a topic... I could probably write a short book on everything that goes through my head about being alone, remaining alone...

I have always been an independent person, not needing to have someone in my life, but when it was right, it was wonderful beyond words to have someone to love, to be loved by, to share, to support, etc. Setting aside lifestyle for just a moment, I have been married twice and divorced twice, all before coming to the realization that I was excited by differences between people and not recognizing that ultimately i needed some shared interests and someone of similar nature. i started dating later than most and always felt like i was playing catch-up and having to settle. I would end up with women who shared none of my passions and made it difficult to be who i am. I have a thing for old homes and restore them, classical music, outdoors, dislike crowds, yet i ended up with women who were almost always the opposite of that until i really understood who i was and what i needed to be happy. i would always keep my partner happy but be resentful that it did not cut both ways. i realized that based on who i had been dating it was a predictable outcome.

now for the lifestyle question.. is it possible to be married to or in a long term relationship with someone who is more of the vanilla world? can i walk away from the many elements of physical intimacy that i find very exciting (this site being and example of one of them) or can you find someone that you can have a loving, caring relationship and toggle back and forth between the "straight and narrow" physical intimacy and the fringes. to me they are quite different and satisfy differing emotional wants and needs.

i tend to be a dom but can easily be a switch, but with a partner such as a spouse or significant other work hard to please her and surprise her and have her feel loved. always equal terms, and that feels like it flies in the face of some of what i find exciting.

i have sort of come to the realization that it is likely that i will remain alone. there are days i go for a walk in the woods or sit by the fire and sip some scotch and am not troubled by that, and there are days when i so miss having those quiet moments together... it feels like it will be either finding a needle in a haystack or one or the other of us would be making some significant sacrifices to have a long term partnership... sorry for droning on, sort of stream of conciousness...

MissSpice​(sub female) • Sep 22, 2020

You are absolutely not the only one with these fears! I'm only 20 but I worry I'll end up alone all the time! I've only ever experienced "vanilla relationships" which left me very unsatisfied, not to mention most of them were emotionally manipulative. At this point I don't think I could date someone not in this lifestyle. I crave the rules, punishment, understanding, etc. of this lifestyle. Both the physical and emotional aspects are becoming more of needs rather than wants.

This is such a great topic to think and talk about. I think many of us worry about ending up alone, especially if you live in an area where people in this lifestyle/community are hard to find and especiallyyyyy with the virus taking over.

You're not crazy, and don't ever think your personality is "a lot," at least not in negative ways. You'll find your person, and if a Dom is what you want and need then keep waiting and searching for them. The reward will be worth the wait. You deserve someone who is proud to be with you, knows how to handle you with confidence and satisfy all that you crave.

Much support and many positive thoughts to you!

kittymeows​(sub female) • Sep 22, 2020

For me it is even more than kink. It is a soul song kinda thing. Who is that person that just resonates with you. Both of you are on the same wave length I guess is the best analogy. They don't have to do anything. You don't have to do anything. They make you feel happy just by being who they are. Even all the squishy bits. You know those things as individuals we cover our own eyes about even in the darkness of night.

What happens if you think you met that someone and cause you hadn't matured enough/personally grew enough and other factors beyond both your controls it going all wacky. You choose them, but as soon as you did, it was like eh.

Do you keep looking for second or third best? Or just be satisfied you met and cherish the time had together? I wouldn't say doing stuff is like going back to Kansas from the land of Oz, but it's definitely not technicolor anymore. You just can't quite get as excited for things when you don't have that someone to share it with. Cats only can have so much dialogue with you.

I feel really like an outsider and weirdo saying that I have more an infinity with inanimate objects that people in my life. But at 41 and no partner anymore, my friends all have families. I do most everything alone. I have no problem with that, but It's just me and my few precious possessions. I know vanillas married 3 and 4 times. Or polys with 5+ partners. I don't begrudge any of them, but I also don't think it's wrong to ask "when is it my turn? Why did this slip through my hands?"

Cause I'm more than good enough. I'm close to the most loyal person on the planet. Honest. forgiving. Will own up to mistakes and try to make things right. Kind. Are folks so foreign to these things that they just can' t deal with it when it's presented to them?

slavebilly​(sub male) • Sep 22, 2020

As a true sub you can always find opportunities to submit. That doesn't mean it will be in a BDSM relationship. However, you can still find fulfillment in being who you really are.

Just because we are not in the relationship we desire, does not mean you are alone.