Is submission really a gift?

Is submission really a gift?

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 2, 2020

If submission is a gift, what is dominance?

Isn't it an equal exchange, where both party gives and gets?

ribbonbaby{Guarded} • Oct 2, 2020

From my point of view, yes. Both are gifts. A submissive who craves Dominance will view it as a gift. Just as much as, from what I have heard, the opposite is true.

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 2, 2020

I personally think neither is a gift. A gift is something that one gives with no expectation of getting anything back. Plus, I personally do not take any gifts.

Where did this term "submission is a gift" originate from?

House Talion​(dom male) • Oct 2, 2020

In all reality considering the overall course of human evolution, both submision and dominance are expected based on its history. To specify either as a gift is one perspective many agree with while others see it as just another aspect of the relationship. The true gift is having someone of whom you can enjoy any amount of time with that makes you happy just for the simple fact of spending time with them- even if you're both on opposite sides of the couch doing your own things it's still time well spent together.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Oct 2, 2020

The term 'Gift' I think has many different connotations than a literal meaning. For instance, some would consider it a blessing, a commitment, an honor, a duty. They all fundamentally mean the same thing when put into this context. You are doing something for someone else, and receiving something you need in return. That is balance, word it how you like.

if you are not willing to give back, or are only expecting someone to give without expecting in return, you are going to verge into compliance, entitlement and expectancy. None of those belong in a relationship, especially a D/s dynamic (cavate: leading that life in full awareness because it is your LS)

The English language, no language for that matter, was ever supposed to be taken literal. The very point of a word or a sentence is to create interpretation in each recipient. That is why most language has one word, with many different meanings... somewhere along the line... English got confuddled and people got hurt and decided they needed an exact literal meaning associated with everything. So they could avoid being incorrect... because the journey is no longer the reward... that was a tangent...

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 2, 2020

Oracle, May I ask how you would react to a Dom(me) stating in his/her personal ad, or profile, that his/her dominance is a gift, to be cherished, and not easily given to just any submissive?

kajirasubm{On Hiatus } • Oct 2, 2020

Perhaps the word bestow is more accurate than
" gift "
The submissive is presenting herself to the Dominant , and in doing so, opens herself emotionally, physically and mentally.

I believe that the word "gift " is being used to connote something precious and valued.

Something very special, only shared within a deep bond of a close relationship.

Submission then is something to be cherished. , as one would a precious " gift. "

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 2, 2020

Bestow is FAR better.

This is what makes me bristle a bit: Submission is considered to be this incredibly valuable thing, whereas it is just a need like any other need. Consider, for example, a vanilla analogy - just pure sex. If a woman were to tell me that her willingness to have sex with me is a special gift that I should cherish, I would simply laugh. That special gift message conveys that she has no need to have sex with me, but is simply doing me a favor of sorts, and in return I should worship her. A lot of women try to make submission a similar sort of thing, which needs to be put on a pedestal and worshipped. It's almost like they have no need for dominance, they are just selflessly sacrificing by bestowing submission, hence they should be put on this high pedestal.

If someone has no need for dominance, then I won't engage with them. If they do, I will exchange my dominance for their submission, in a transaction of equals. I would cherish someone if I love them, not because they have done anything for me; it may very well be one-sided as well from my side, and that has happened in the past.

But I won't cherish someone because they either were kind enough to have sex with me, or sacrificial enough to bestow their submission on me, when they had no need to do either.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Oct 2, 2020

Since you specifically asked. I see a lot of ads, and have a lot of conversations where a Dom says that his "Dominance" is a gift... and based on what you have been saying, you are saying it is the same thing... he is providing a need to his Submissive. So I agree. If you consider someone having sex with you not a gift, then that is okay, true you can go and get it anywhere, why don't you go and do that.

if you think that what I have with only one other person in the world is not to be considered mutually beneficial, that can only be provided to me from that other person, then continue to have your unfullfiling sex, as kinky as you make it, it will continue to be just that. No give, no take. You can check your emotions at the door, because you can have it with anyone. Laugh away.

You say equal. But equality means I give you dinner, you give me dinner. Not I give you a blow job, and you stroke my hair and tell me everything will be all right. So where is my blow job of equality? If you want tit for tat? To think things are equal is simplistic. Everything always tilts to one side or the other. So someone is gifting, and both should be attempting to.

I guess I just don't understand what you are trying to say when you talk about women giving and wanting to be on a pedestal... not my idea. It is if I give you a gift... you give a gift back, because I don't want my "fair share" of what I am giving you. I want what I need, you gift it to me. Me and my sisters each give each other $20 in August, because it is our birthday's all in the same month, that is equality, not gifts. Eventually we just started keeping the @20 for ourselves, cause what is the point in just swapping the bill.

DeathRyder​(dom male) • Oct 2, 2020

I may be wrong but isnt submission and domination a contractual and arbitrary agreement???