BDSM, Sexuality, Comfort, An Intro.

BDSM, Sexuality, Comfort, An Intro.

LittleEnbee​(sub gender queer) • Apr 4, 2021

Hello, Im new here. My predicament with BDSM is the fact that I'm asexual, so I will not be partaking in sexual actions, but some things I still find interest in- in a non-sexual, rather comforting manner.
Things like LittleSpace and PetPlay can be seen as a coping mechanism. However I also like things like shibari, for both aesthetic purposes, and also comfort, as I see being tied in extensive rope much like a hug. Other things could possibly be done in non-sexual manner, such as sensory-play.
Sex in BDSM helps with dopamine and seratonin release however, and I definately see BDSM as a means of releasing those chemicals without sex.
I would much appreciate if anyone on here could help a newbie out, maybe help re-word this if the post seems confusing.
Thanks!!

L a r s​(dom male) • Apr 4, 2021

While this is not something I have experienced, what you may have luck with is finding local classes for shibari.

You might be able to work as a model for the teacher, learning in the process. It could also be a great opportunity to find folks who may not be interested in a sexual dynamic with you personally, and would like an opportunity to practice ropework.

Now, that doesn't necessarily solve the issue of wanting non-sexual intimacy with folks. Not entirely sure the specific dimensions of what you're looking for, but a class like that could be a good place to start.

Good luck

Secret Mind​(dom male) • Apr 4, 2021

So a lot of people are going to be shocked when I say this but BDSM isnt just about sex.

Believe it or not asexual people are common within the BDSM community. So don't worry, you're not the only one. Theres also a lot of people who want to wait til marriage and most of them aren't even religious.

I'm not exctaly sure what you are asking for here. But I will tell you this much. There are submissives and slaves who do pretty much everything that all other submissives do except have sex. They have rules, punishments, rewards and so on. So just because you dont like or want sexual activities doesn't mean you can't also participate in some kinky fun.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Apr 6, 2021

I would look at your asexual status as a rather good fit for BDSM and not a predicament. Your spot on with non-sexual activities giving a release of " feel good" chemicals.
Just going by your post you seem to be intuitive and on a path of self awareness. BDSM can offer a unique opportunity for personal growth. I'm happy to see your openminded approach and am excited for you and your journey.

" Life is a grand adventure or nothing at all."

Take hold, let go and celebrate!

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Apr 6, 2021

LittleWoodlandFox​ I've known quite a few asexual people over the years. I'm sure there are people out there for you.
Compatibility takes on many forms.

Power exchange was never about sex first. Some include sex, some think it's all about sex, but some do not. I know there are a few discussion groups on FetLife, you can search by topic and find others like yourself and get some tips on what works and what doesn't.

Good luck.

cherilynn​(sub female) • Jul 16, 2021

Hey there,
No need to worry, there are quite a few asexual kinky folk in BDSM and as stated above forum groups and discussions related to such that may be very useful in helping you find opportunities to top or bottom, depending on your preference.

On a personal note, much like yourself, being able to participate in non-sexual kinky activity was how I was able to find my place in this wide world of BDSM and get an understanding of what activities turn me on.
Sometimes sex just complicates things that don't need to be complicated.


I wish you all the luck in your new journey! Welcome to the community!

Yvol Morningstar • Aug 15, 2021

I guess they all said it in their own words...just be yourself. Whatever you get involve into, forst communicate so that there is no misunderstanding.

You can compare BDSM very much to dancing. Deep connection, understanding the other, communicating emotions without words, sharing small private world. But once there is sex involved in dancing it risks ruining everything.

I believe it is more enticing to feel the lust rather than the satisfaction itself...and i should say this interests me a lot and various are the encounters i have whereby i try "repairing" broken souls and make them believe in themselves once again.