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Taramafor​(sub male)
2 weeks ago • 04/05/2021 8:43 pm
Taramafor​(sub male) • 04/05/2021 8:43 pm
1: assumptions were made. Don't guess. Check in.

2: Bit confused about the whole GF part. But I do understand people can "hop around" from one relationship to the next too quickly and get in over their head (some people are more careful and considerate. Others are more blind/careless). Which is what may have happened with you. People like this tend to not even know what love is and have trust issues the moment there's confusion and lack of understanding.

3: You brought sex toys which might have given her the wrong impression.

4: You apologised. Which could actually be a mistake. What does this change? How is it addressing the situation? When she said "Go to hell" was all you had to offer apologies alone? It's certainly on her if she assumes the worst of things. But it's also on you if you don't state the situation for what it is and point out she may have been assuming. Example: "I'm simply stating the situation for what it is. What you assume is on you." As an example. You might have come across as a bit too "white knight". What's more why get sex toys if you don't at least consider the possibility of using them? Be honest, I think you was at least toying with the idea. Not saying that's wrong. Simply saying I don't see a reason to get them if they're not intended to be used at all. If you say you don't intended to use them then it comes across as a falsehood. eg: A possible lie. This might have been the trigger.

5: You had "hi and hello" for a month instead of talking about activity and making each other happy and doing it sooner. Despite what some people claim it's actually better to establish things sooner rather then later. Though carefully of course. People will pretend otherwise when they don't know how. Stalling however complicates things down the line. As has been proven here.

6: You called her sweet. To me this indicates she might have been the "too nice" type. Leading to freaking out when she's assuming the worst of things. Which the "go to hell" comment indicates.

If a line of communication is kept open then you can work things out. But if she's trying to get the last word in (or you) and it's all "Don't want to hear it" instead of trying to be understanding then it's going to get ugly. But can still be turned around provided it's made clear things as they appear to be with owning up to mistakes being made. Note: Mistrust isn't the end of the world. But it's important to state about what, specifically. Just ask.

It's a combination of "stalling" (you were playing it too safe instead of talking about interactions) and assumptions being made. On both sides. In a nutshell.
yourbootsownme​(sub male)
2 weeks ago • 04/05/2021 10:15 pm
yourbootsownme​(sub male) • 04/05/2021 10:15 pm
The one "mistake" I see is asking about her friend just at the moment when things were getting confusing and difficult. That seems cold after what comes off as rejection. I think waiting until a future conversation when the two of you decided it wasn't going to work and there had been enough time to cool down would have been more appropriate.

Since you were waiting to meet and see if you had chemistry, I wouldn't have gone to the adult store or bought anything. She clearly has major trust issues which she'll need to work through before she can let someone dominate her, so any hint of rushing or pushing boundaries is going to set her off.

That's just - at first glance - two things I would have done differently if it was me, not criticism or judgment of your actions.
Miki​(masochist female)
2 weeks ago • 04/05/2021 10:52 pm
Miki​(masochist female) • 04/05/2021 10:52 pm
As much as I like and can appreciate this thread, I believe the O P has figured it out and moved on from that non-starter.

In any and all similar situations where one meets someone who either isn't ready or is a head-case, it's best to not overanalyze. Keep it simple.. In the immortal words often cited by my boss (among a few):

"In this world there are more horse's asses than there are horses."

-- Sooner or later we all end up in danger of kissing one. Beware!
Sirr​(dom male)
2 weeks ago • 04/06/2021 1:33 am
Sirr​(dom male) • 04/06/2021 1:33 am
I feel that I explained and I got excellent advice. Thank everyone for helping. But now it's no one's fault but my post is getting misunderstood and I appreciate the help but it's now not the situation I explained at first. Thanks again and have a great night.
Miki​(masochist female)
2 weeks ago • 04/06/2021 4:21 am
Miki​(masochist female) • 04/06/2021 4:21 am
I'm guilty of some of that as I can wander off topic from time to time. It would be a great idea to go back to page 1 and read the original post, even though the O P has decided to file that creature under "P" for "Past Tense"

Sorry for being a distraction, dude.
SinMaster
2 weeks ago • 04/06/2021 4:43 am
SinMaster • 04/06/2021 4:43 am
The toys and asking about her girlfriend we’re definitely not done at the right time.
Taramafor​(sub male)
2 weeks ago • 04/06/2021 3:37 pm
Taramafor​(sub male) • 04/06/2021 3:37 pm
Quote: But now it's no one's fault

while responsibility goes further then blame it is your fault if there's confusion, hesitation, giving the wrong idea. etc, etc. Basically, any mistakes you make is on you. Just as it's my fault when I make them. "Fault" means "I/you did this".

It's your fault if you give the wrong impression. It's my fault if I assume when things aren't clear. Some people will see the worst easily when things aren't clear. Which would be their fear getting the better of them of course. Which seems to be what happened with that other person.

Quote: but it's now not the situation I explained at first

You said you did some things. If you are saying you did not do those things then I'm seeing a contradiction. You did explain the reaction of the other person in certain situations. You did say the actions you did. I believe your "playing it too safe" approach likely backfired. It seems like you had concerns about coming on too strong, but that can be a good thing provided it's about the right things. eg: Their interests as well as yours. Discussion about that for a month would have been better then "hi". And you did say "hi for a month". If you talked about each others interests in that month then say so. But I know how common it is for people to not have enough communication before meeting up. And it looks like that happened here. If I'm observing inaccurately anywhere then point out with what and why. but with the information you've provided that is the conclusion I come too.

It's also worth pointing out Instant chat apps make it much easier. It's harder with messages due to waiting times/delayed responses. It's the "in the moment" communication that makes things go smoother. Provided the other person is the understanding type. Discord is a good chat app. Phone friendly as well.
Sirr​(dom male)
2 weeks ago • 04/08/2021 6:16 am
Sirr​(dom male) • 04/08/2021 6:16 am
Listen Taramafor, I read your first post. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION.YOUR GETTING THE FACTS WRONG AND YOU KEEP TEXTING ON A DEAD SUBJECT. YOUR NOT UNDERSTANDING. I haven't looked on here for a day or so but your NOW BLAMING ME FOR ALL OF IT. BUT YOU GOT IT WRONG. Its your fault for not going back to page one reading it right and just stop replying. I moved on days ago. God you like trying and seeing what you wrote even if it's way off. Thank you goodbye. I won't reply anymore. I'm sure your reply 19 more times. I won't read one. I didn't mention anything about you after your 4-5 messages blaming me more and more. Everyone has their opinion.but just stop. Dam.
Miki​(masochist female)
2 weeks ago • 04/08/2021 7:31 am
Miki​(masochist female) • 04/08/2021 7:31 am
Easy now, Sirr.

C'mon, he won't write 19 more posts... Maybe 1 post that's 19 pages long....

(Sorry, online "novels" make my eyes squint more than they already do)
Taramafor​(sub male)
1 week ago • 04/09/2021 2:16 am
Taramafor​(sub male) • 04/09/2021 2:16 am
Sirr wrote:
Listen Taramafor, I read your first post. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION.YOUR GETTING THE FACTS WRONG AND YOU KEEP TEXTING ON A DEAD SUBJECT. YOUR NOT UNDERSTANDING. I haven't looked on here for a day or so but your NOW BLAMING ME FOR ALL OF IT. BUT YOU GOT IT WRONG. Its your fault for not going back to page one reading it right and just stop replying. I moved on days ago. God you like trying and seeing what you wrote even if it's way off. Thank you goodbye. I won't reply anymore. I'm sure your reply 19 more times. I won't read one. I didn't mention anything about you after your 4-5 messages blaming me more and more. Everyone has their opinion.but just stop. Dam.


Then you own willlful ignorance is on you. As is the misunderstanding if you don't ask questions. Isn't that just a little hypocritical?

Again you fail to point out with what, where and why. Your complaints don't change logic. Nor do your hurt feelings. trying to avoid the situation also doesn't make it go away. You're only proving my concerns about you are valid. That you're the kind of person to not consider things and be evasive after you hurt someone or got misunderstood. And you want me to believe things aren't as they appear to me when all you do is validate those concerns?

You're also clearly emotional. You're assuming I'm blaming you for "all" of it. That is not what I said. Point out where I stated that. I believe you're responsible for your own mistakes. But I also specifically stated the other person is as well. It takes two to argue. However, you clearly gave a bad impression to them. And you can't. even. Admit it. That's what I'm taking issue with here. Your own failure to claim accountability for your own actions.

WHAT am I not understanding here? Is it possible that you have a deep rooted fear of being blamed which leads to avoiding responsibility? Because as it stands you haven't claimed responsibility for a single thing you've done. All you've done is try to avoid the situation when challenged. It just makes you look more suspect IMO. I'm going to ask a question I did before. That you didn't answer. Why did you buy the handcuffs if you didn't at least toy with the idea of using them? Because in my mind the only reason to do that is because you wanted to use them. Or at least toyed with the idea. If the situation isn't what it appears to be then simply point out why that is. But childish yelling and throwing a temper tantrum isn't going to make me understand. Being evasive and avoiding the situation also won't get me (or others) to understand. So you have to decide what's more important here. Making it about understanding or being a coward. It's that simple. People aren't just going to magically understand you if you don't even make the effort and give up the moment misunderstandings happen. Frankly that just shows how fragile you are. Your yelling only confirmed that.

You're either reply and say why you believe I misunderstand you and point out where (very important. To be specific) or you won't. But if you're going to act like an emotional five year old child and blame everyone around you then I'm pointing out there's a reason you're overly defensive when you feel misunderstood. It's because you're a hypocrite that is doing exactly what you complain about. You misunderstand, sir. but you don't see me yelling and flying off the handle and pushing others away when it happens. Make of that what you will.

Honestly, if this is how you respond to me then it's no wonder the other person couldn't feel like they could trust you. How do you expect me to believe things aren't as they appear to be if all you do is validate my concerns with your tantrums? It sets the worst possible example. It's not helping your case. I actually want to believe things aren't as they appear to be. But as it stands you've yet to give me one good reason for that.