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What if there's no fulfillment possible?

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acquiesced​(sub male)
3 months ago • 04/11/2021 5:41 am
acquiesced​(sub male) • 04/11/2021 5:41 am
I won't rebut, because your advice carries no more weight than mine, and none of us truly knows her situation, or what's best for her. We can only advise and she can make her own choices. It's always interesting how little it takes to hate, even by the 1% of the 1%, whom, by default, are looked upon adversely by the 99.9%
3 months ago • 04/11/2021 5:46 am
Miki • 04/11/2021 5:46 am
True that. Let's just hope her probelm is resolved positively. I meant no "hate" in my words though I come across mostly witty snarky but occasionally a bit too stern. I was just going by what she wrote initially and except for this new need, she says she has it good.

3 months ago • 04/11/2021 7:23 pm
MrFulmen • 04/11/2021 7:23 pm
That sounds like a hard situation to be in, with a tough set of priorities to balance.

Ideally you and your partner would work together to craft a relationship that fulfilled you both, with each of you going out of your way to delight the other.

A problem in kinky/non-kinky pairings is that the non-kinky partner has the massive weight of "normalcy" on their side. It's terribly easy for your husband to think of kink as an exceptional or unreasonable request, instead of seeing it as being equivalent to his vanilla preferences. And most of the world will implicitly support that view.

It can mean that you have to push hard (kindly, but hard) to make him understand that this isn't a question of "Do I agree to this bizarre request or do we do the normal, default thing," but a question of "How do we create a romantic/erotic relationship that meets both of our equally important needs."

One way to do that might be proposing that the two of you go see a kink-aware couples counselor.

has a great directory for finding one near you.

The counseling can help, but even just making the proposal can be a wake up call that this is a serious thing and he needs to find an arrangement that works for you, not just brush it off.
3 months ago • 04/12/2021 5:54 am
Miki • 04/12/2021 5:54 am
Awesome suggestion. Definitely worthy of MrFulbright!

Yucks aside that would be the best suggestion in here. If Hubby can play along without forcing himself, she'll be in hog heaven.