Divorce fodder?

LoyalWolf​(sub male) • Jun 16, 2021

There is software that securely wipes the data on the drive without destroying it.

DBAN is a popular solution for wiping the entire drive or you can just use SDELETE for individual files. Probably safer to DBAN the whole drive in this case.

If it is an SSD type drive, then the manufacturer may also have software utilities that wipe the drive as well. It's usually called secure erase or secure wipe.

Here is an article covering the different methods. The physical ones too, if that makes you more comfortable.

https://www.zdnet.com/article/how-to-securely-erase-hard-drives-hdds-and-solid-state-drives-ssds/

ellefire​(sub female) • Jul 8, 2021

Thank you everyone! Very helpful info.

Sasa​(dom female) • Jul 8, 2021

Erasing her profile yes, but replacing it is more important... and if he is using her submissiveness, so ugly. Has she ever thought about another version? If it is so dirty, it might have been his idea to press her into it.

I hope this is not necessary. A war only has losers and always the kids. I will never understand how people could call themselves a good mother or father who is using kids as a hostage to hurt the other.

I am glad some parts of Europe don't have your restrictive laws. I'm very sorry.

gibsontank​(dom male) • Jul 8, 2021

She really needs to decide what is more important to her. It’s a decision that doesn’t need to be taken lightly as she might think now that she can live without one or the other only to discover later down the road that she can’t. Giving up what you love to hold a relationship together in my experience never really works out in the end. If it were me, I’d take the break until I had gone through with the divorce. He needs won’t go away and postponing them to try and keep a family dynamic will only prolong the inevitable and be worse later down the road.

Re: Divorce fodder?

sarahrah • Jul 13, 2021

Hmm not sure I’m replying correctly.. I’m almost done w my divorce. I’m a sub and he’s not a dom. We have kids in the mix. Super tough call but I think it’s for the best for all 4 of us.

Make the hard choice.

Gaiawolf​(sub female){RogueWolf} • Jul 13, 2021

As stated, divorces can get super nasty when kids and wounded pride are involved. Is she instigating the divorce? If so she needs to get rid of anything and everything before hand so he can't copy it all once he has a heads up. Its a super hard situation, but it comes down to a simple choice. The lifestyle isn't going anywhere, her kids could. As a single mom who had to make that choice years ago, I know its a hard one to make but I'm glad I made the choice I did even with how hard it was to come back years later.

SemperDominus​(dom male) • Jul 29, 2021

I wanted to offer a few suggestions.

Firstly, the issue in this scenario is not anything criminal (most likely), but rather that it might be used to the opponent's advantage in the divorce or child custody matters.

To be clear, in at least some jurisdictions (or with a creative approach), BDSM activities or related evidence could be useful, or could be used somehow to influence the outcome, or tip things in the person's favor, by using a creative approach. I have seen this done a few times.

Regarding evidence and digital content, profiles...

This can be a double-edge sword, because if he already collected the evidence (as people tend to do, before seeking legal action), if she destroyed it, then he could claim that she destroyed evidence -- which would weigh against her. (In some jurisdictions, he could actually sue her for this additionally).

A lot of this depends on how much content there was... Are we talking about a profile, some emails, etc.? ...or are we talking about countless photos, videos, posted online, with a terabyte of content on her computer? (The approach would be different, based on how much of it, and exactly what existed).

Note: I would advise against permanently destroying evidence.

You never know when you might actually need to have that evidence to defend/prove/save yourself.

For example, if he might claim something critically damaging, it might be essential to save yourself by showing that proof, otherwise, a claim (or false evidence) would go without a credible challenge (which could be catastrophic).

Instead of actually destroying everything; I suggest putting any digital content in an invisible encrypted file vault on a separate drive (VeraCrypt is free software that enables you to do that).

Anything that was on the web, will always be on the web, it just depends on how well they search.

I have seen facial recognition software used to search the web and identify/match pixel by pixel of a persons appearance, to find unknown porn that someone did briefly many years ago, that was assumed to not exist.

I have seen old versions of past websites and profiles, be found, including as it was on a specific date.

I have seen phones, computers, websites, any so much more be searched and find evidence.

Do not tap on any link, pdf, or photo, in a text message -- this could have spy software that will remain invisible, while completely live, and having access to real-time calls, message, location, everything.

That app "Kik" that everyone uses, is actually one of the worst options for privacy (use Telegram only, if you want secure privacy -- not Kik, not SnapChat -- only Telegram).

Before deleting, save copies of everything -- to be hidden, in case needed.

Yes, emails and records from sites, and even text messages or call records can be required to be produced (or legally can be obtained in some cases).

If she only has a profile, copy the profile info, and eliminate any description details. Any photos should be saved, and taken down.

Any digital files could be put on separate drive (SSD, or flash drive), in an encrypted file vault -- and then put that in a locked container of some type (in a faraday bag before put in container, is even better).

Take that locked container with the drive, out of the home, not in a storage unit, and nowhere it might be readily found.

Eliminate everything from any computer, web account, phone, or device -- but transfer it to that separate drive first.

The more content there is, the harder it will be.

She needs to go into this scenario, as if preparing for war -- be paranoid, but smart -- because I can guarantee that I he has the right people on his side, a near-paranoid approach is warranted.

I have seen people go to extreme lengths, for years, before, during, after any legal case, just to be safe (similar to the level of actual spies).

Especially in divorce/custody cases, this tends to be merited more than you might think.

In conclusion...

I may add more details to this, but as a bit of preliminary guidance, I hope this might help.

Let me know if there are any specific issues or concerns, because I can probably answer/provide guidance/or ask some of my staff, if I'm not familiar with the issue (tech, law, business, etc, etc).

A lot of this depends on: (1) where (e.g. each jurisdiction is different); and (2) exactly what content exists/or ever existed.

I hope this helps. Let me know if there are any questions; and I'll try to help, if I can.

Sargeant​(dom male) • Aug 8, 2021

I completely understand what your friend is going thru and how it feels. I’m currently in the same situation with roles reversed. The saddest part to me is the loss of trust in a partner. I’m a newbie dom. I learned thru the marriage what I enjoyed sexually and what I wanted from her. These things became clear to based on my reactions to her ACTIONS. I am not a twenty something just learning life. This was the one woman I let see all of the deepest and darkest secrets and fantasies I held inside all of these years. After agreeing she enjoyed and wanted some of the same things. It all became ammunition for her to use. In my case she has taken things to whole new level. The allegations and accusations are already coming at me. I truly feel for your friend and anyone else that has ever dealt with a similar situation. This will probably forever affect her interactions with future partners. I know it will affect mine. That is the loss of trust now and in the future. What I have learned is just how much I value honesty. I will not allow someone else to make me feel like a lesser person because of how I see things. I will make it known maybe not completely who I am and what I enjoy and want with my partner from the beginning. Tell your friend to keep her head up and walk tall. She has nothing to be ashamed of. Unfortunately her husband couldn’t see the gift she was trying to give him. Tell her I understand how it feels to trust someone like that and not be understood. She isn’t alone. This will come to pass although it’s going to be difficult and painful to say the least. I apologize for the rambling. This is the first time I’ve let this out. I haven’t and really can’t explain the entire situation to my family. Mom is a huge southern Baptist.