LongerJohnny(dom male)
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2 years ago •
Nov 15, 2021
A rose's sir wrote: I think part of the issue for newer doms is how do you find a good mentor? I'd love to have one to show me the ropes but like others have pointed out doms rarely talk. After a few years in the community I still consider myself a novice because I've only had the online resources. I've met some really cool people who aren't looking to mentor any one which is fair and I've met others who only want to "mentor" in order to stroke their own ego. Maybe there should be a dom 4 dom mentor thing like the other sections on the cage?
In an ideal setting that is a really awesome idea! A separate section called "Mentors" where everyone, regardless of identification could offer or find some guidance. The thing is, unless there were people regularly moderating that section you couldn't know for sure if the people are even real, exactly like the Personals section. So there are a few potentially disastrous issues: 1. All the people, especially instadoms, who would scour that section all day everyday looking for easy newbie prey. 2. All the assholes that would insist they be compensated for their time and "help." Remember, you're hoping to get some advice, not agreeing to donate a kidney. 3. Asking random strangers to assist and guide you is a very bad idea since you can't know from an ad what kind of experience they may have, or if they have any at all. Those are just a few of the things that could happen. That sort of thing *could* prove invaluable to anyone, not just people looking for mentors. But never underestimate the fuckery of assjackets who can smell inexperience from a mile away like fucking sharks. The forums are the best way to find what the sort of thing you are talking about because a lot of members know a lot of members who can be trusted - and those who shouldn't be. |
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ButterfliesAndCuffs(sub female)
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2 years ago •
Nov 15, 2021
A rose's sir wrote: I think part of the issue for newer doms is how do you find a good mentor? I'd love to have one to show me the ropes but like others have pointed out doms rarely talk. After a few years in the community I still consider myself a novice because I've only had the online resources. I've met some really cool people who aren't looking to mentor any one which is fair and I've met others who only want to "mentor" in order to stroke their own ego. Maybe there should be a dom 4 dom mentor thing like the other sections on the cage?
I would check out the forums and the blogs for doms that know what they’re talking about. Interact with them there or shoot them a message if you’re looking for advice on something. You can sort of get a feel that way as to who participates on the site more and would be more likely to help another Dom out. |
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LongerJohnny(dom male)
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2 years ago •
Nov 15, 2021
ButterfliesAndCuffs wrote: I would check out the forums and the blogs for doms that know what they’re talking about. Interact with them there or shoot them a message if you’re looking for advice on something. You can sort of get a feel that way as to who participates on the site more and would be more likely to help another Dom out.
Hm, that's good advice. You took the words right out of my mouth.   🤭
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| A rose's sir(dom male) |
2 years ago •
Nov 15, 2021
LongerJohnny wrote: A rose's sir wrote: I think part of the issue for newer doms is how do you find a good mentor? I'd love to have one to show me the ropes but like others have pointed out doms rarely talk. After a few years in the community I still consider myself a novice because I've only had the online resources. I've met some really cool people who aren't looking to mentor any one which is fair and I've met others who only want to "mentor" in order to stroke their own ego. Maybe there should be a dom 4 dom mentor thing like the other sections on the cage?
In an ideal setting that is a really awesome idea! A separate section called "Mentors" where everyone, regardless of identification could offer or find some guidance. The thing is, unless there were people regularly moderating that section you couldn't know for sure if the people are even real, exactly like the Personals section. So there are a few potentially disastrous issues: 1. All the people, especially instadoms, who would scour that section all day everyday looking for easy newbie prey. 2. All the assholes that would insist they be compensated for their time and "help." Remember, you're hoping to get some advice, not agreeing to donate a kidney. 3. Asking random strangers to assist and guide you is a very bad idea since you can't know from an ad what kind of experience they may have, or if they have any at all. Those are just a few of the things that could happen. That sort of thing *could* prove invaluable to anyone, not just people looking for mentors. But never underestimate the fuckery of assjackets who can smell inexperience from a mile away like fucking sharks. The forums are the best way to find what the sort of thing you are talking about because a lot of members know a lot of members who can be trusted - and those who shouldn't be. A very good point. I appreciate the advice as well |
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ButterfliesAndCuffs(sub female)
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2 years ago •
Nov 15, 2021
LongerJohnny wrote: ButterfliesAndCuffs wrote: I would check out the forums and the blogs for doms that know what they’re talking about. Interact with them there or shoot them a message if you’re looking for advice on something. You can sort of get a feel that way as to who participates on the site more and would be more likely to help another Dom out.
Hm, that's good advice. You took the words right out of my mouth. 🤭Alright smart ass.   I added the blogs too!  
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LongerJohnny(dom male)
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2 years ago •
Nov 15, 2021
ButterfliesAndCuffs wrote: Alright smart ass.
I added the blogs too! Oh... Yeah I was probably gonna say that too. 
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| A rose's sir(dom male) |
2 years ago •
Nov 15, 2021
ButterfliesAndCuffs wrote: A rose's sir wrote: I think part of the issue for newer doms is how do you find a good mentor? I'd love to have one to show me the ropes but like others have pointed out doms rarely talk. After a few years in the community I still consider myself a novice because I've only had the online resources. I've met some really cool people who aren't looking to mentor any one which is fair and I've met others who only want to "mentor" in order to stroke their own ego. Maybe there should be a dom 4 dom mentor thing like the other sections on the cage?
I would check out the forums and the blogs for doms that know what they’re talking about. Interact with them there or shoot them a message if you’re looking for advice on something. You can sort of get a feel that way as to who participates on the site more and would be more likely to help another Dom out. That's really good advice thank you |
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Dominus eius(dom male){LittleLott}
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2 years ago •
Nov 15, 2021
I found this one a rather interesting thread. As I’ve commented before (blog and forum), I joined this site looking for opportunities to learn and grow. Indeed looking for a mentor.
As it happens, I found the first - however the 2nd wasn’t straightforward. Then, by chance, when looking for local groups (munches etc) on another site - one of the people who replied was another Dominant and offered his support. Nothing forced or pushed. I am now proud to call him my Mentor and more than that my friend. People talk about the fact that Dominants don’t talk to each other. I would like to suggest that those who are genuinely experienced and comfortable in their knowledge are generally open to being approached. With the proviso that you too have to be genuinely looking to learn and grow. As has been said many many times before, the internet (it’s not exclusive to the cage) is full of people pretending they’re something that they are not, or claiming to want to become something - without the genuine desire to put the effort in. This lifestyle is incredible and hugely rewarding. However, it’s also hard work and a never ending journey of learning and growth. |
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| kyubii(dom male) |
2 years ago •
Jan 27, 2022
I dabbled on both sides as a switch when I first stepped to kink/bdsm. After realizing I wasn't getting any joy from the sub role I went full into the Dom persona. As for finding a mentor I had a horrible experience finding a Dom to mentor me. A lot of the Doms I would reach out to just ignored me. I ended getting the best lesson on being a Dom from a group of submissive. I mean who better to show you red flags of bad doms and showing the signs of a submissive in need of Aftercare. I still feel new despite being in the kink community for 10 years. But that just hoe it is I guess.
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harleyqt(sub female)
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2 years ago •
Jan 27, 2022
I agree with others that is a learning process and we are all new at some point. However I also believe that if you claim to be a serious Dom (not one who is just pretending to be one for the sole purpose of getting off and then disappearing...) then you should do your research before you even take on a submissive. Doms have a huge responsibility for the care and well being of their submissive. I've noticed a lot of wannabe Doms on here that are just abusing the bdsm world to get off for a couple days and then completely abandon you without saying a word. The psychological affects that could have on a submissive could be detrimental. Just be up front from the beginning
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