Are slaves also subs?

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Nov 21, 2021

" lables" are there to help guide people through a very complex and dangerous lifestyle it wasnt until recently had there been such a snowflake reactions to definitions ..
Lables are help weed out people to lazy and inconsiderate to do their research on BDSM and disrespect other's boundaries by trying to fly under the radar.

submAtrix • Nov 28, 2021

First post
As a male who considers himself somewhat self aware and in the same breath obviously willingly naive (potentially) to others’ perceptions of what I am doing or what I agree to have my boundaries pushed/in which situations I consider myself to be uncomfortable (which is supposed to be a part of the power exchange general, with consent still in mind if the arrangements are to be mutually beneficial; in a strictly personal sense for all parties who all have separate intentions potentially).
Excuse the run on sentence, please.

Anyway, all that being said, I am always open to having my logic directly questioned.
I am 25 years old, heteroflexiblie-ish-kinda, sometimes submissive in the sense I enjoy bondage and other things enough to be a sub in the sense of on days where I constent, being bound by a mistress and used in all senses for her purposes within my boundaries and personal self serving willing tendencies.
Example being I am not gay but currently seeking to be tied up and used as a Center piece for all genders because I would enjoy that sometimes, but only on Saturdays.
I however have yet to find such arrangements where I feel safe doing so, locally anyway.
I don’t want to pay for sessions but rather be willingly abused on some levels for the experience of others in a group setting under a mistress’a watch.

Now I am rambling.

TL;DR
I am submissive because I’ll let you tie me up and I’ll do your will if you are a mistres
But I have boundaries and a life outside of all this.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 28, 2021

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female)
...
Sasa wrote: Why do you have to put everything into little boxes and don't just be yourself, no matter what it is called. Don't you think it's pointless to measure yourself against anything? There is just you as you are right now and that is changing the whole time.
...

Fyglia Wicked​ responded " labels" are there to help guide people through a very complex and dangerous lifestyle it wasnt until recently had there been such a snowflake reaction to definitions ..

Labels are help weed out people too lazy and inconsiderate to do their research on BDSM and disrespect other's boundaries by trying to fly under the radar."
...
Fyglia thank you for saying this. It can't be said enough.

I laugh when I read profiles filled with labels and then are followed with rants about labels. The fact that people are more than happy to adopt those labels they like and reject those that they don't understand or feel fit them tells me a lot.

I suspect this reaction stems from:

Those who are largely undefined so rather than just say that they either add all labels or just reject them as if that was a statement of intelligence.

Those who want it all so they want to keep their options open for whatever shows up. (Boy if I had a penny)

Or those working the population.

They will say, do, or imply whatever you seek just to get what they want out of you. What is that? Ask those who fell for it. I won't bother here since many don't want to hear the negative side of such things. But suffice it to say, knowing who you really usually follows with how you know. So those playing at labels or the absence thereof cannot show any real work or self-growth. so they avoid it all.

One of the hardest concepts to sell in this lifestyle is to those who don't want to do the work but rather buy into some magic Top showing up and making it all easy or teaching them. Until it goes badly and they find out that their Top had little real knowledge or experience.

H*

EbonyLeather​(sub female) • Nov 30, 2021

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses and kind words.

There seems to be a clear difference between a slave and a submissive, where the former dynamic is all encompassing in one’s life. I agree that slaves obviously retain consent as to if and when they want to leave such a dynamic.

I also agree that labels are important in determining what you want and if someone else matches up to that. However, you can have more than one label and sometimes the meaning can be fluid. That is with anything in life if you think about it - my perception of red may be entirely different to your perception of red. The entire BDSM lifestyle requires flexibility and an open-mind aswell as respecting boundaries - it is a fine balance.

As always - Love, light and Hedonism
Ebony x

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Nov 30, 2021

Snipped for brevity:



There it all is in a nutshell. All of the questions asked regarding "what is (fill in the blank)", "how DO I react to (fill in the blank), how should I feel about (fill in the blank) - nearly any question asked or any subject mentioned on these forums can be answered by this very simple statement of fact. It's all subject to the interpretation of the two (or however many) people directly involved in that particular relationship/dynamic. Knowing this to be the only real "correct answer" does limit discussion forums to a great degree though. Most questions asked in any forum involve soliciting someone else's OPINION rather than any firm/hard/fast statement of fact - ultimately, someone is eventually going to state the obvious - and once again, that is: "open to interpretation".

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 30, 2021

EbonyLeather​ - "I also agree that labels are important in determining what you want and if someone else matches up to that. However, you can have more than one label and sometimes the meaning can be fluid. That is with anything in life if you think about it - my perception of red may be entirely different to your perception of red. The entire BDSM lifestyle requires flexibility and an open mind as well as respecting boundaries - it is a fine balance."
...................
Well said, Ebony.

As a Trekker, these types of topics leave me with this image of the character Deanna Troy, from Star Trek The Next Generation. In that show, she loved chocolate and chocolate ice cream and in some episodes that ice cream experience is looked at closely. She, the character, savoured each bite, swirling it slowly in her mouth, eyes closed and even enjoying the spoon scraping around the bowl.

It was enormously satisfying for her. It was enough in its own way for her. I think this is a great way to look at how others pursue and define what it is that we do in this lifestyle. By that I mean, that some are called to a certain level such as slave. Others, submissive and others still seek/need to bottom.

These can all be organic and natural or just choices and the levels of satisfaction depend entirely on the individual. Honestly, people who create satisfying lives for themselves amaze me. They are those who can settle into and be happy with life on their own terms. I also think those are the fewer but maybe luckier of us.

So, compare and contrast questions like sub or slave, sometimes confuse people. Especially those who find themselves here not organically or out of a soul-searching journey,(Inside-out) but just because it is a fun or interesting choice or Google told them to. (outside-in) Don't get me wrong. They have value in being here too, but their feedback will always be different than those who came to it from the inside-out.

Thanks for asking Ebony. Great and intelligent responses.

H*

TigerBDSM​(dom male){looking} • Dec 1, 2021

Typically write a PM, however wanted to add my thoughts.
The lifestyle has basic terms and definitions. This among other things allows a paint buy the numbers catagorization. Interests of people can be somewhat connected via these terms.
Some basic terms can be misleading. A slave, a subbie, can mean different things to different people. EVERYONE is correct, yet possibly incorrect do to who you are talking to.
The important issue is a connection, what each persons definition of something is ONLY RELATIVE to determining the plausibility in moving forward AND continuing.
On a separate note.....many add sexual acts in the equation, again THEIR definition of something in the lifestyle. YES for the masses the lifestyle is all about sex, playing dom /sub as part of their ultimate sexual activity. FUN, FUN, FUN. But for the few who are deeper in the intragacies of BDSM, SEX IS NOT THE CULMINATION, it is or not a part of the overall activity. Sexual activity NOT being the driver in what is occurring.
Be well everyone and THANK YOU CAGE for this superb site!
Tiger

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Dec 1, 2021

Snipped for brevity ...


I love how easily you find words to express yourself while allowing some of us to "tailgate" on them. It occurred to me a few days ago how much easier my own kinky path is than the majority of the others here. Being a sensation player / masochist allows me much more flexibility than someone who seeks to either dominate or submit generally has. It's certainly not ideal, BUT during a "dry spell", I *am* able to my semi-satisfy my need for pain and pleasure by flying solo. Of course, comfortable companionship with an appealing partner would be far more satisfying, but I can take the edge off (no pun intended) without another player in the game.

It hasn't escaped me how much easier it's been for me to feel contented in my brand of kink than some others are. My pain and pleasure fantasies literally started on a grade school playground at recess - I had no way of knowing at the time (of course) that I was wildly *different* from the other second graders - just that I preferred my own newly invented "games" over Barbie dolls, jump rope, jacks and marbles. It IS remarkable that those of us who are "outside the box" have found our own ways to come together and my wish is that everyone finds some degree of happiness and pleasure within the scope of their own expectations and needs.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Dec 1, 2021

WytchyWoman​ "I love how easily you find words to express yourself while allowing some of us to "tailgate" on them."

```Wytchy most kind of you to say.

WytchyWoman​ " It occurred to me a few days ago how much easier my own kinky path is than the majority of the others here. Being a sensation player/masochist allows me much more flexibility than someone who seeks to either dominate or submit generally has."

```I think you are right about that. But I also believe that most of us have our "anchoring point" which I see as that point where time, need, and clarity meet. It can be anything, even a bowl of chocolate ice cream. (Sir called it the Rare Air. It is rare and it changes you once you've experienced it.)

What may confuse some is seeing their point in one thing or activity and encountering others who have a different way of reaching satisfaction.

My anchoring point is the dynamic. I need that connection and about a thousand things that converge there. So yes, the more specific and detailed your point, the harder it will be to find. And the more painful when you have to wait.

Is it any wonder that so many take altering paths or believe the first person promising to take them there?

I've had three amazing relationships. I've lived those points with each, though a little different each time. Once you've been there, settling for less than that potency is hard to do. Made worse if the other sees you as their anchoring point and you're just having fun. Been through that as well and it has just too painful to hurt someone like that when you don't feel the same.

H*

Slave,. submissive, F.L.R.

foryrpleasher​(sub male) • Dec 1, 2021

Hi I'm a or I should say was a submissive when it came to the bedroom and outher times it could be any wears we have meet
At the same time I had my bounders as a slave and submissive.
Ass a submissive she was in powered to do ,try, have to and or have done any kinky sexually thing mistress wanted in the home in the yard driving down the road in a pub sharing you with a friend as long as none of the activities I will take no part in are respected.
Now I was a slave to I was a butler, a house maid, a servent, a chef, bottler washer, I was her personal chamber maid, a man servent and Handyman.
I was giving a list of things to do every day. As well as every day duty's. I had to dress for each duty and my mistress would lay out my out fites for each one. As My mistress slave she fed me clothed me had medical on me took care of bills that I had before owning me. I could not refuse if she rented me out for work in any one of traids I know and to be dressed for the part I wore her collar had my slave regustery number tattooed under in side of my lip. I was hers to sale or trade. I signed papers stating that I'm now her property and she has tittle of owner ship
I was her slave . I was her submissive kinky sex toy . AND THERE WAS A DIFFERENSE AS A SLAVED I was punished in all kinds of ways but nothing that would leave scares. As her submissive if I faled her by not pleasing her or say a friend then I was punished .
So I can't tell you how it all worked out but I was treated like a slave when in slave mode a submissive sissy slut for her kinks . And in domestic mode it was a female lead relationship. It only lasted 4 month as my mistress passed away . And now I wonder amliss around