|Literate Lycan(dom male)||
1 week ago • 05/13/2022 3:11 pm
Literate Lycan(dom male) • 05/13/2022 3:11 pm
I had to read your entire forum post and then break it down into parts. When jumbled together, it causes one to think it is one big statement/question? But it isn’t. Words are important and have meaning. When we confuse them, we confuse the issue.
It sounds like initially you (or someone) was equating D/s with Top and Bottom or devising the differences.
I concur with Heero and Forge above. Within D/s, being Dominant or submissive is more than action, it is a constant state of being. Solid relationships last because of structure, even within fun shenanigans. Being Top or Bottom for a scene doesn’t mean you are giving or receiving, it means you are effectively running the show or receiving.
Dominants are always Dominant in the relationship. If you tell your submissive to perform an act (Fig you, jerk you, strip or simply refill your beverage) even though you are receiving, you are in charge and controlling the event. If you like giving up the reigns of control, you may be a switch as others have said above. (That doesn’t mean on your birthday the submissive can’t plan the day out and take care of you or that at the end of a long day you can’t come home to a submissive indicating they are taking you both out for dinner because you are tired- although in many D/s relationships)
I do agree that the terms Dominant and submissive are typically reserved for relationships while Topping and bottoming are reserved for activities. And as said above, shifting roles isn’t taboo although it might mean you aren’t Dominant. I do agree that not all tops are dominant and not all bottoms are subs. Those are playful roles. I disagree wholeheartedly that “not all roles are permanent”. Within the confines of my relationship, I don’t suddenly stop being Dominant to allow the submissive persons to take charge for the day (take a sub to work day). I’m me and they are them. Structure. As a leader, as I have indicated in other discussions, it doesn’t mean I know everything and do everything. It means I understand who is best suited to perform a function or task and I assign it. That is how Dominance works. Doesn’t mean you can’t turn to your submissive and ask for input as a team. But you don’t hand over the reigns because life is to hard. Dominants have a great responsibility to maintain. As do submissives. In maintaining the structure.