Monogamy

Re: Monogamy

Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} • Jul 29, 2022

I do agree with this quote as well Bunnie. Personally, I remember being 20 and wanting my "one person for for life" and thinking THAT was monogamy and for many years! But, those (plural) people, who were my ONE and ONLY at the time, individually, clearly opened my eyes, that the "one person for life" mindset, after it (we) ended, was a fallacy! I still believe, practice and need monogamy. I now just know it's "one person at a time"

Notely • Jul 31, 2022

People will do what makes them happy not all people are poly they fine never be forced many still believe in the old fashion love one man for one women. Romance era even 1950s I’m only one for one don’t have to be religious you go by what you feel that works for you. Nothing wrong even being old fashion only wanted to be with one. But what others do what floats their boat just not my thing.

Re: Monogamy

Lazuli • Jul 31, 2022

It’s a shift in cultural values really. The things taught in our homes have shifted. Things and people are more disposable than they have ever been.

Some of that is due the expansion of roles in the home, but mostly again values are the basis for the roles so a shift one shifts another.

Separation once meant being alienated from your everything, now it’s simply a phase we all go through. An intense shift in values. What we value most changes so do our habits and what you want out of life, more than ever before we can obtain them more quickly and in a consumptive manner. Obtain, extract, discard, lather rinse repeat. We have moved from a long term alignment to what works now. Our lives are less thoughtful in general and so it is reflected in our other choices.

Noire{Owned (NH)} • Aug 6, 2022

Hello Bunny!

If I may I’d like to add some insight into this conversation from a historical stand point.
I’ve seen many comments saying that Religion or Christianity was the spear head for monogamous relationships. That is not true. Early humans, or hominids, began shifting towards monogamy about 3.5 million years ago.

It’s actually said that monogamy came from Ancient Greece and ancient Rome. The ancient Greeks and Romans were monogamous in the sense that men were not allowed to have more than one wife or concubine. Because the cost of children was too expensive. Which it still stands to this day in the 21st century.

Christianity showed up in the Roman Empire in the First Century AD. That’s when monogamy was considered the typical standard of a relationship with your spouse and god. That’s what history has told me at least.

Now to move onto Bunny’s quote.
“Monogamy used to mean one person for life. Now monogamy means one person at a time.“

In my opinion I think this quote is right in so many ways. I was raised in a traditional home and my great grandparents, grandparents, uncles and aunts all believed that you married One person for life. That was what I was raised with, aside from my family’s religion, I have a culturally diverse family as well. My African side of my family also preached the same thing. “You are meant for one person and that person is your life partner.”

However within todays modern society, people are taught to be monogamous to the person they are currently dating. Which is one at a time. People still date one person at a time if they do not believe in poly relationships. The ideology that you find one person and you stay with them forever has kind of been shunned by people who participate in poly relationships. Because poly is considered the trend of the 21st century.

Why limit yourself to one person when there’s many? Is the coming idea now.
Do I believe in that?
No.
I believe that we are all meant for someone. An whilst we journey in life, we’ll go through trials and errors of finding our person.
I still believe that monogamy is finding your one person. I vet potential dominants with the intentions that I want them to be here for the long haul. Not temporarily. But that is my insight and I loved reading everyone’s responses. Thank you Bunny.

idClare • Aug 8, 2022

I love this topic. Thank you for posting it!

‘Monogamy used to mean one person for life. Now monogamy means one person at a time.’

Im actually looking at my cultural anthropology textbook, because this is an awesome question and I'm a nerd. First off, the terms monogamy and polygamy are technically forms of marriage unions. As we know, the norms concerning the number of spouses are usually defined by societies. Societies that permit remarriage after a divorce or death of a spouse practice serial monogamy, meaning ppl can only be married to only one person at a time, but can have multiple spouses during their life time. So, monogamy has always meant married to one person for life, and serial monogamy has always been defined as marriage to one person at a time.

I think the shift in mentality about monogamy lies in the changes in social norms. In the 1950's, before the feminist and sexual revolutions of the 1960's, western societies valued monogamy or being married to one person for life. In western societies that are largely Protestant, rates of divorce have increased and leveled off to around 50%. This means, a natural increase in serial monogamy. Another aspect to consider is western society has changed its norms concerning marriage in general. It's now socially accepted and less stigmatized for babies to be born out of wed lock or for ppl to live together. Since the mentality about marriage has shifted, the terms monogamy and polygamy are also used in reference to personal preferences of sexual partners.

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pennywise​(dom male) • Aug 9, 2022

I think personally that the reason you see anything happening with monogamy, whether it’s shifting in design or people moving away from it, stems from one simple fact.

It doesn’t work.

If you look at mammals in general, there are very very few species that practice monogamy. Because sex isn’t about love or connection, it’s about reproduction.

It’s the silly humans that have attached this idea of love and single sex partners to the process of being coupled up.

It’s not natural. Look at a pride of Lions. You have a large group of females, some adolescent males, and then … there’s the Master. He gets to fuck whoever he wants, whenever he wants.

And it’s the same for solitary animals as well. We are mammals before anything else. When you try and change the nature of someone, you’re simply setting yourself up for failure and heartbreak.

So to answer the question, the definition of monogamy is shifting because more and more people are waking up to the fact that it’s an archaic lose/lose scenario.

Lazuli • Aug 9, 2022

People are not lone creatures, they do not simply couple up to reproduce. They do it to fulfill social and emotional needs beyond the animal impulses. What you choose and how you meet your needs has very little to do with reproduction in the modern world.

pennywise​(dom male) • Aug 9, 2022

You’re making my point exactly.

The coupling has nothing to do with sex, or very little.

You choose to nest with a partner based on a multitude of factors, but there needs not be a requirement for monogamy. This is a man-made construct.

Lazuli • Aug 9, 2022

Wake me up when the caveman clubbings are back in style.

Ingénue{VK} • Aug 9, 2022

Monogamy? I was told that went the way of the dinosaur.
Throws a Brontosaurus egg your way. Boil it for boomer breakfast, cavegirl.