Tips for a first meet

Kinkyp69​(dom male) • Oct 27, 2018

Great topic all! One can never be to safe in this day and age. From all the responses I see here . I am glad to see this. Even as a Dom you never truly know what you may be stepping into. Having daughters I am going to suggest they use the app Life 360.

Miss Tia​(sub female) • Oct 27, 2018

This is an great post! As someone who has has never met anyone yet, this gives me ideas on safety.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Oct 29, 2018

I don't have a lot of rules for meeting people. Usually someone will ask me out for coffee, and my love knows where I'm going.

I have come to the belief that as Community has evolved so has our predators .



Basic Community rules are meet somebody at a public place, preferably at a BDSM event, get tested, get references., have a safe call.


As far as I'm concerned predators that have been doing predatory behavior for a while know how to use all of this stuff to their advantage to create a sense of security and safety, but that doesn't stop them that only empowers them.


For me it's all about how does the person "feel".

As far as testing and all of that I don't do any of that until I know who this person is and I know that there's some chemistry. Otherwise it's a bunch of running around for something that as soon as I meet him my gut might just say no way.



I have a couple of requirements for people that I play with. I tend to be incredibly selective.


My 2 biggies are one has to be some sort of chemistry and two they have to bring something to my table.
I will not be a play pez dispenser.

Bunnie • Feb 6, 2019

So... I had a meet not long ago. Had a safe call in place. Everything organised. We met for lunch at a cafe and everything was going great. It was kind of busy and noisy, however it was a really nice relaxed atmosphere. During our very interesting conversation, I happened to hear a familiar sound and my heart stopped. My phone! I had forgotten to turn it up enough to actually hear it ring from inside my bag. Dumbest thing ever! My poor friend calling
I answered and apologised.
Luckily my date was very lovely and hadn’t tried to kill me

So... a tip... have your phone within hearing distance! Lol.

Loulou​(sub female) • Feb 6, 2019

I really wished I had had this information at the beginning of my journey. This is why reading up for newbies is important.
I rushed everything and went from 0 to 100. I was very dangerous as no one knew where I was going . So my advice ( not that I did this but I have learnt a lesson) is definitely have an informal meeting first and definitely a safe call in place .
This is why this community is so good because there are some really experienced and supportive people. I think we are all learning on this journey and we all learn from our experiences and hopefully grow and develop.

STI Check

Carpenter • Feb 6, 2019

I guess a recent Check is crucial yes, but I would never really believe I am save then !
It is crucial to me to use condominiums and perhaps medical gloves till deep trust can be established.
Right now there is a lot danger sexual related illness going around Europe, I wonder if people don’t know what moral, responsibility and respect means!
Keep everyone save please ?
Greetings

Curlyniccia{Protected} • Feb 6, 2019

Great post.
Considering i'm not even at that point yet - meeting someone the information that i have taken from here is invaluable especially for someone relatively new like me.
You guys have discussed things that I have not even thought of.
(I silently wondered who I would have as an emergency contact to check I was safe - now I know - good friends on here)
So thank you for putting this out there.
Much needed

Justme26 • Feb 6, 2019

I know this is not much of a story but:

I have not quite met twice. The first wanted me to meet her in a hotel room but puled out when I said I wanted to meet in a public place the first time. There were other red flags as well (up to then I thought that men were quite safe, but at least I had the sense to ask for advice and it seems not). The second did not turn up, said she was called into work, but would not answer my E mails after that. My understanding now is that some people get scared when it gets too real, which I suppose is fair (I get hideously nerves my self).

My advice would be to ALL WAYS meet in a public place at least once. It is relatively easy for a fake to seem real online. Also look out for those red flags. Apparently there is a thing called sub fever (I think I have got that wrong but something like that). Some people get over excited and do things that they would not do if they were thinking with there brains instead of there genitals. Watch out for this.

Just be safe, especially the ladies.

SirHanz​(dom male){Minx} • Feb 6, 2019

I think the most important thing is that both parties feel safe and comfortable. Have a phone contact, or even a trusted friend sitting at a table across the room. Pick a public location, but not one that will be too crowded. Crowds are not conducive to getting to know someone. Power exchange is a heavy thing and should not be taken lightly. Take your time. I find that I am an excellent judge of character..... except when I like someone. So I plan... everything. And waaaaay in advance. That way I dont do something stupid when my good judgment goes out the window. Know yourself well enough to know where your weaknesses are and plan ahead

your last Dominator​(dom male) • Mar 12, 2019

As a Dom/Master this is an important issue for those of us who are concerned about the safety of a prospective sub/slave.

Believe it or not there are some seriously dangerous ladies out there. I've experienced a couple and have been able to defuse the situation. But I am 6'2" and 230 lbs and am very capable of protecting myself and my subs/slaves when necessary.

When logistically possible I arrange a "first" meet early in communication. Not because I am pushy but because body language tells you so much and you cannot see that even when you video conference.

I make our planned meet always in public places until both parties are comfortable in a more private setting. I invite them for coffee at the time and place of their choice. (I have no problem with the prospective sub/slave having a safe call and I will always encourage it if they bring the topic up. After reading this blog I think that I will begin suggesting it for all meets in the future. It's a great idea.) I ask the prospective sub/slave to plan on one to three hours for coffee and conversation and to keep longer time available should we decide we wish to continue our time together.

I usually know within an hour if I desire to move forward. During our conversation when I sense the sub is growing more comfortable I will suggest going out to eat. If she is receptive to the idea and if we are unable to walk in a well lit environment to the restaurant location I will suggest that we go in separate vehicles. (I prefer going in separate vehicles because it gives us both a chance to digest what has been discussed.) If the sub does not have a vehicle I offer to pay for a taxi for her so that the can feel safe. However, if she refuses a taxi and says she will ride with me that tells me that she feels comfortable with me.

Lunch or Dinner is always in a quiet well lit restaurant were we can still converse and be safe at the same time. When we have concluded our meal and our conversation I make sure she has transportation home.

After that we go back to chatting. Since we have met it is easier for us to discuss more things in detail. There is usually a comfort there that allows us both to open up. Prior to ending the first meet-up, if I still wish to move forward, I tell the sub that I will not rush her into a second meet-up. In fact I tell her that I will not recommend one until she tells me she desires a second meet-up.

I have never had to have more than two meet-ups for a sub because of the process that I use. The sub/slave recognizes very quickly my desire for them to be safe and my desire for them to proceed based upon their comfort.

If I have decided during coffee on the first meet-up that this person is not going to work for whatever reason. Or if they too have made the same decision about me then I do respect their wishes.

I listen to my gut feeling I know that any sub/slave can be molded to meet my needs so I focus on getting to know them. You should do the same.

I alluded to crazy ladies. As crazy as that seems some ladies are like some men when it comes to rejection. I have had bottles put under my tires, and had my tires slashed among others. I have even had one that took shots at me with a hand gun. Protect yourselves.