A Doms 'protection'

A Doms 'protection'

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 19, 2020

As i think of this, it becomes more complex than when i conceived of posting it. It will be great to read everyones thoughts and feelings on this. All thoughts and comments are welcome from either side of the slash.

As i see it, in relationship, in this case D/s dynamic, each really protects the other in many ways? i don't think a real relationship exists without mutual vulnerability, With that, i think, comes a responsability on the part of the other to protect their partners vulnerability, or to endeavor to 'do no harm'?

"Protection" in a D/s dynamic usually seems to be the Dom's bailiwick, and for obvious reasons since the Dom is in 'control.' Something i think about is protection from what? The Dom? The sub?

i can see both. D/s dynamic has such broad range and complexity. It took me awhile as a sub to realize that i had to protect myself from my own sub nature sometimes, that a Dom does not automatically know what is best for me. Nor does every Dom care, or is truly Dom, or has developed to a degree where they protect subs from their own nature when necessary.

i think it is an unreasonable expectation or burden to place on a Dom that they always have all the answers. Their process of maturing is different, but i don't think it's less.

i does not feel quite right to me to say "submission is earned." For me it is more a matter of submission being arrived at when there is alignment between a Dom and sub?

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Oct 19, 2020

D/s dynamic has such broad range and complexity. It took me awhile as a sub to realize that i had to protect myself from my own sub nature

I can give you an example of a Doms duty of protection
A few years ago I had a sub that had previously been gang throat raped to the point of being admitted to hospital and needing therapy
Quite rightly in the circumstances fully inserted oral was a boundary ! Poor girl had previously loved oral, but the dangers were too great physically and emotionally, she could suck the head but no more !
I was with this girl quite awhile and she became conditioned to hitting subspace on certain triggers!
Once in subspace I literally had to drag her mouth off my cock with her hair as she would go crazy trying to swallow me ! I had to clamp a hand around it to stop her !
Clearly had I allowed her the damage would have been immeasurable!
Once out of subspace she clearly had no recollection of what she had tried to do !!

So yes a Dom does have a duty to protect the sub from themselves!

DaddyDrago​(dom male){LilAmethys} • Oct 19, 2020

Thank you for the thought provoking question.
I guess for me I see vulnerability in line with trust. So, I would say that in that vein it is an earned state.
I wouldn't entrust someone who wasn't aligned with my best interests at heart, nor would I expect that if my idea of protecting an s type wasn't aligned with what the s type felt was safe would work very well.
I think we each have 'standards' or 'values' that we deem as important for our own well-being and safety. As you expressed, even from ourselves.
I believe it is wise to express that a D type shouldn't have all the answers. They cannot. Hell, often a d type fails to know themselves enough to know their own pitfalls and areas of struggle they should be self-protecting in let alone an s type.
In that regard my lens says, we should ALL be self-aware enough to recognize how we each desire to be cared for and protected to be able to express that to our partners. It seems fair and reasonable to assume that know one can honestly know our own needs better than ourselves.
Yes, there is still room for our partners to see something that maybe we do not. That is always a welcome piece......but I don't believe should be an expected reality.

SAXMANIAC​(sub female) • Oct 19, 2020

I've always felt very protective of my Dom as well. I can't really explain it.
We are in a decades-long relationship and we have been very open about
communicating our needs to each other. I imagine that it is just as daunting
for a Dom to expose that part of himself to someone else as it is for me to
allow myself to be completely vulnerable. Our dynamic is ours and ours alone.
We protect each other in that way, I think.

I like what tallslenderguy said about submission being arrived at. Trust is earned,
of course. But I don't submit to everyone I trust. Although the D/s dynamic could
not evolve without trust.

I need my Dom to know that he can trust me. That I won't betray what he has given
me. He needs to be able to trust that I know my limits and will communicate them
to him even as we explore this dynamic together.
I hope that made sense.