unsatisfiable cravings

Savida​(other female) • Nov 1, 2018

@davidnh

Just so you know (and someone tell me if I’m wrong, I haven’t been around as much), There are no hard and fast protocols in chat (beyond not being hateful or harassing folks), and the only unofficial protocol that people enforce pretty strongly is don’t PM strangers without asking in lobby. Right wrong or otherwise, most will blast the sender in the lobby for talking to them privately without doing the online equivalent “mind if I have a private word with you?” First.

Otherwise, unless they say “don’t message me” in the profile, you’re okay to message people you find interesting. I’m sure others have said this but, always remember people before kink, really try to talk about things that aren’t sex/kink/what you want from them at first. Make friends with people and treat them like people and not potential mistresses and that approach can usually lead to good connections if the energy is right.

It’s not a guarantee or a formula of any kind, but those can be some good ways of connecting with others. If also suggesting that you Try to keep learning and improving yourself as well (events, videos, books, so many kinds of education out there) so you’re ready when that special lady comes into your life and you’ve got something to bring to the table.

Anyway, just saw someone suggest chat was more structured than it is and wanted to let you know that unless site rules have changed dramatically since I’ve been here less. As long as you’re respectful and kind generally people don’t mind talking and chat is a good place to meet people and interact.

WetWhenWhipped88​(sub female) • Nov 3, 2018

Hello David!

I am a submissive, but I have been a Domme in several relationships before I learned my true pleasures.

I am young, and I am sure that there is better wisdom to be had, but I thought that I would give you my opinion on your situation, if you will have it.

First, I will say that something important was pointed out already. I am going to point it out a slightly different way. I have been on this site less than a week, and I have noticed that there have been MANY submissive women joining since I got here, but not any Dommes that I have seen. There are also quite a bit more submissive women than dominant men. I am not sure where to find the statistics, I just know from watching forum posts. (This is pointed out to say that there are significantly more subs than Dommes, but the Dommes that are here have been here a while and are probably a search bar away instead of "new member" names.)

Second, I really think that you have to be realistic in your expectations. You are looking for something very specific. You want an experienced Domme who will know how to provide for your needs, who is close enough to do so in person, and is not interested in inflicting or receiving pain. That is a tall order for you to fill in the week that you have been here.

Lastly, I want to just tell you something that I find a bit off-putting. Please keep in mind that, while I was a domme, I was never the kind of Domme that you are searching for an they my have different tastes. However, I find your.... overeagerness... unsettling. It makes me feel rushed and smothered a bit, kind of like a new puppy begging you to take it home. You are eager to experience these fantasies that you have dreaming about, and I understand that, but being a Sub is something that requires a lot of patience. I think that now is a good time for you to start working on your patience and anticipatory responses.


You have waited a long time for this experience. Consider more munches, browse a few other profiles and see if you find anyone who peaks your interest, wait a little while to see if anyone responds to your forum topics. Don't give up or back away too quickly because you are looking for instant gratification instead of a meaningful connection.

Onlinedomguy​(dom male) • Nov 17, 2018

I have some very specific suggestions for you. First, I am speaking now based on my experience as a sub.

You have to realize, as already mentioned, there are many more Male subs then Dom women looking. You need to make them notice you. Use forums, start a blog, reach out to those that interest you.

As a Dom, I look for women who have something to say I want to hear. Who offer up their thoughts and views and do so in engaging ways. I want someone who I enjoy listening to as much as I enjoy tormenting. Let us see who you are and what you have to offer. Be patient...you have to make yourself attractive to amazing women who could have as many as they desire. You have to work.

Its all worth it as when you connect with someone who wants you as a sub...your life will never be the same.

Work...dont expect it to be easy...but nothing in life that is special comes easy...be patient and thoughtful

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Aug 4, 2019

I looked over your profile and noticed a few things:

* it was fairly negative. You spend a fair amount of time going on about what you don’t want. I recommend deleting those references and keeping them contained in the “Limits” section of your profile.

* There’s a lot of information in the “About Me” section that could go elsewhere. Information about your personality, your demeanor, and your non-kink interests can go there. It’ll make that section less of a chore to read, and actually keep your profile looking on-topic and not quite as immediately negative.

* The “BDSM and Me” section should be about your kinks and hopes, what services you are willing to provide, etc. All you’re doing in there right now is repeating what you do and don’t want from the “About Me” section. If you edit your profile to put the relevant information in the appropriate section, it won’t look like such a time-consuming hunk of text.

* did you make a Personals Ad here? If so, you can now link it to your profile so that it’s immediately visible. Because of this, you can shorten the BDSM and Me section even more to “Please see my ad”.

As someone who loves to see my own text, I've also struggled with tl;dr culture. However, it's amazing what a change a little formatting - and a lack of repetition - can make.

There is a struggling website specifically about female led relationships called She Makes the Rules: they have a forum. It could be worth your while to make an account and post an introduction before they fold:

https://shemakestherules.com

Unfortunately for you, they need money to stay afloat.

I took a look at a list of munches and groups in New Hampshire and found at least three FetLife groups dedicated to dominant women:

http://findamunch.com/category/locations/united-states/new-hampshire/

While I don't recommend crashing the groups, I'd like to point out that each group has a membership list. From there you should be able to look at each member, figure out availability, distance, and compatibility; bookmark each profile you're interested in, and then initiate contact.

I also found a link to the New England Hypnosis Group ( http://www.nehg.info/NEHG/ ) which may also be of interest to you if you haven't already discovered it.

If you've been to a few munches and never gotten past "Hi, how are you?", I invite you to do the challenging work of looking at what the common denominator was in all of those interactions: you. There was something about you, your approach, your timing, or something that let those conversations trickle off before they really started.

Luckily, there are kink-aware professionals in your area that can be of assistance in helping you identify challenges and work through them. Please consider: this will likely cost you money:

https://ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionals-directory/search-kap

If you feel that you’ve already done all that, or that you shouldn’t have to, or whatever, I have one final suggestion: go to where the dominant women are. If there are events outside of your area, take yourself on vacation and attend. If there’s a dominant woman who seems available and mutually interested, find reasons to explore her region, compare schedules, and go out for a visit: if the visit fizzles, at least you have an itinerary. Look over regions that have an active domme community, investigate those cities, and see which you’d be most interested in moving to someday. Then start posting in some region-specific groups asking about compatible neighborhoods to live in, the general culture, non-kink things to do given your interests, etc. Then consider moving if things look promising. If your kink interest is that crucial to you, maybe it’s time to shake things up a bit and move towards it - literally and figuratively.

Good luck!

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Aug 5, 2019

* reads profile
Okay well here's the thing
Dommes don't fill kinks or worry about living up to anyone's fantasy.
And we can tell by a few words ( or a fraction of a profile) who is looking for the above mentioned and who really a submissive.