Consent in chat..

Consent in chat..

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Nov 28, 2018

I've had this rumbling around for a while and I've seen a few recent forum posts that brought the issue to light again.

What I'm going to say may seem harsh. It should go without saying that what I express here is my personal opinion. I have reached out to Evangeline for clarification on this and welcome any further comments or clarity.

Chat is words on a screen. You gave your consent when you clicked on the chat button, and can withdraw it by leaving at any time. No one is forcing you to read or respond.

The idea that you can claim you didn't consent to something in chat is nothing more than role playing consent negotiation.

Rude or offensive words are not non consentual by nature. Yes, they can break chat rules. Those rules are spelled out, as is the reporting process.

This is an adult BDSM site. This is not a safe space. Trigger warnings are not required here.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 28, 2018

I see your point except the part about trigger warnings.

We discus a lot here.
Not just BDSM.


Also BDSM is not all on the same ground.

There are scenes that trigger me.

Such as fat shaming.

So its nice to have a warning.


I am curious to see what others say.

If I may ask-- what is your take on trigger warnings in general ?

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Nov 28, 2018

In safe spaces, they are required and useful. Outside of that, shit happens.

It's 'nice' to have warning.. but trying to enforce and shame over that is wrong. The list of potential triggers is literally endless.

Meg​(dom female){NotLooking} • Nov 28, 2018

This is an adult BDSM site. This is not a safe space


AMEN

NaivelyOptimistic​(sub female) • Nov 28, 2018

What is your opinion of people DMing in chat? Should permission be asked first in the Lobby, or is it fair game, and the person can either respond or ignore?

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Nov 28, 2018

Permission is polite. Ignoring is fine, but a polite response would be to say please ask first. Not a consent issue at all.

WillowJ • Nov 29, 2018

I enter chat knowing that I may be completely out of my element, not like what is being discussed, or feel like i have nothing to contribute. I try to be cheeky about calling someone out on things in chat, because I don't know who knows who....its sometimes hard to figure out when someone is giving hard advice, joking around, or simply being mean. Beyond that if I don't like something I walk away, the 'x' in the right hand corner is great. Just like I don't always say hi when I enter chat, I don't always say good bye. I don't need to invite someone to DM me and I'm not offended if someone does. I will often private chat or Bond someone that's on Chat if I want to dive deeper into what they've said or get their opinion on something that I don't want open to the public. I leave it up to the other person to respond and/or tell me they don't want me to reach out to them directly. If something upsets me on chat, I will do 1 of or a combination of 3 things: 1. walk away 2. reach out one on one to the person that said something that makes me go hmmm 3. State in Chat that I'm not okay with what is being said. To expect a public chat room to be a safe space is a bit ridiculous in my opinion. As its been stated we are all adults.

Bunnie • Nov 29, 2018

1. “Chat is words on a screen”... not to those who take online seriously.

2. “The idea that you can claim you didn't consent to something in chat is nothing more than role playing consent negotiation.” Consent is consent is consent. Call it what you want... if you’re creating a scene in front of people without their consent, you’re violating their consent. Who determines what the line is of acceptability? You might think it’s ok to run around and pour honey on each other and lick it off or whatever. Fine. What if Jo Bloggs then thinks it’s ok to rp beastiality? Or paedophilia? After all it’s just “words on a screen.” Everyone has a different concept of what’s explicit.

No one is objecting to there being role play... all they’re asking is for it to be in a side room... as the rules state. That way, IF people want to watch they can go in there and watch.

Exhibitionism is a kink... forcing your kink on others goes way beyond “words on a screen.”

“The list of potential triggers is literally endless.” And yet it somehow seems to flow quite smoothly... until you always bring this topic up. What’s this, the third attempt over the years?

You may think I have an issue with role playing... actually I don’t. What I do have an issue with is teaching newbies bad habits that get them in trouble with others in the community. Teaching them behaviours that aren’t acceptable anywhere. Let’s see you behave like that at a play party offline. Playing in the entrance lobby in front of everyone with owned submissives, for example. Lol that kind of behaviour wouldn’t be tolerated in any community for more than five minutes. So why would we teach people here any differently? Simply because it’s just “words on a screen?” That doesn’t fly for me I’m afraid. Words have power and meaning... otherwise what are we even doing here? Let’s not use that as an excuse to discard any form of integrity. That’s firstly.
Secondly, it monopolises the chatroom. While the three people who are having a blast licking each other (why is it ALWAYS so vanilla anyway?!) clean are doing their thing, the 10 other people are sitting there. Maybe some are enjoying the show... but you don’t buy tickets to a show at the door... no... you enter with the idea that you’ll possibly be interacting... or at least have the chance to. And yes... this isn’t solely a role play problem... and yes I’m aware of the people that do it... and yes, I too have my moments with this.

In my opinion, the lobby of the chatroom is an entrance area, where people can come in familiarise themselves, make themselves comfortable, and chat. Not a place where you’re going to walk in on some kind of (overly done cliché “scene”). You can then have a look around and see “oooh a room where they’re all licking honey off each other... that sounds fun... I might poke my head in and have a look.” Or, “oh not today... I’ve just been dumped and feel crap, so need some support”... or “I’m new and am looking for some guidance... so I’ll just stay here and ask some questions.”

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Nov 29, 2018

Totally agree bunnie.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 29, 2018

Totally agree with you Bunnie