Consent in chat..

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Nov 29, 2018

1. “Chat is words on a screen”... not to those who take online seriously.

Nope, just words. Fact.

2. “The idea that you can claim you didn't consent to something in chat is nothing more than role playing consent negotiation.” Consent is consent is consent.

No. I do not require your consent to type words. Never ever ever.

Call it what you want... if you’re creating a scene in front of people without their consent, you’re violating their consent. Who determines what the line is of acceptability?

The admins.

You might think it’s ok to run around and pour honey on each other and lick it off or whatever. Fine. What if Jo Bloggs then thinks it’s ok to rp beastiality? Or paedophilia? After all it’s just “words on a screen.” Everyone has a different concept of what’s explicit.

Right. So how does that differ from a serious question about said same. Same words.

No one is objecting to there being role play... all they’re asking is for it to be in a side room... as the rules state. That way, IF people want to watch they can go in there and watch.

The rules do not state that. That is the common interpretation. Define 'explict' in the context of a BDSM chat room.


Exhibitionism is a kink... forcing your kink on others goes way beyond “words on a screen.”

Not forcing. Show me where I taped your eyeballs open and you were helpless to exit.

“The list of potential triggers is literally endless.” And yet it somehow seems to flow quite smoothly... until you always bring this topic up. What’s this, the third attempt over the years?

WAHHHH.

You may think I have an issue with role playing... actually I don’t.

Bullshit.

What I do have an issue with is teaching newbies bad habits that get them in trouble with others in the community. Teaching them behaviours that aren’t acceptable anywhere. Let’s see you behave like that at a play party offline.

THIS IS ONLINE.


Playing in the entrance lobby in front of everyone with owned submissives, for example. Lol that kind of behaviour wouldn’t be tolerated in any community for more than five minutes.

GET OUT OF MY BUSINESS. YOU'VE BEEN TOLD THE TRUTH THERE. I'VE TOLD YOU TO ASK EVERYONE INVOLVED. YOU HAVE NOT, AND CONTINUE TO ACCUSE WHILE REFUSING TO HEAR THE TRUTH.

YOU'RE WRONG. END OF.


So why would we teach people here any differently? Simply because it’s just “words on a screen?” That doesn’t fly for me I’m afraid. Words have power and meaning... otherwise what are we even doing here? Let’s not use that as an excuse to discard any form of integrity. That’s firstly.

I'm talking about consent vs rude. The point is flying over your head.

Secondly, it monopolises the chatroom. While the three people who are having a blast licking each other (why is it ALWAYS so vanilla anyway?!) clean are doing their thing, the 10 other people are sitting there. Maybe some are enjoying the show... but you don’t buy tickets to a show at the door... no... you enter with the idea that you’ll possibly be interacting... or at least have the chance to. And yes... this isn’t solely a role play problem... and yes I’m aware of the people that do it... and yes, I too have my moments with this.

In my opinion, the lobby of the chatroom is an entrance area, where people can come in familiarise themselves, make themselves comfortable, and chat. Not a place where you’re going to walk in on some kind of (overly done cliché “scene”). You can then have a look around and see “oooh a room where they’re all licking honey off each other... that sounds fun... I might poke my head in and have a look.” Or, “oh not today... I’ve just been dumped and feel crap, so need some support”... or “I’m new and am looking for some guidance... so I’ll just stay here and ask some questions.”

That's nice. Still not a violation of consent.

are you talking about the main lobby or yours?

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Nov 29, 2018

I agree with Fudbar, if you dont like it leave or create your own lobby with your own rules....

BUT if its the main lobby there are rules of consent

THE CAGE Chat Rules
No personal insults or name calling
Racism, sexism, homophobia, or other offensive behaviours will not be tolerated
No posting of private chat logs or mail messages
No posting private contact details or links to external accounts
No soliciting for money or gifts
No advertising or spamming of any kind, including redirection to other sites
No illegal activity or solicitation to purchase or sell illicit or other items
Explicit chat should only happen in private rooms with consensual partners

Lady Pheonix​(dom female) • Nov 29, 2018

Consent is not implied by going into a chat room. Consent, the cornerstone of what TheCage advertises is something that has to be implicit, not taken for granted by someone who apparently has little or no understanding of what "bullying" is. THAT is the big difference between "words on a screen" and the THOUSANDS of people who are shamed, hated and cornered by people who do NOT care about consent, and cause people to commit suicide EVERY year.

If you think "this is not a safe space" then you might have mistaken a chat room with a torture chamber. This IS a safe space, based purely on the thought there are RULES that govern behaviour, and laws to support peoples rights. Safe, Sane and consensual should NOT be a tip of the hat as you urinate all over everyone else on the site, purely to have some twisted view of dominance.

Bunnie is very vocal on this, and I support every word. If you want to go an scene with someone, go into a side room and scene. There is an old line in this lifestyle, "Your kink is not My kink, and that's ok". I do not want every kink throwing in My face JUST because I go into an open, GENERAL chat room.

The site will not grow if bullying, FORCING your kink onto people in a chat lobby is allowed. Every site I have seen it on FAILED. That is not opinion, that is just a fact. Denying MY consent in MY opinion, is bullying, and denying the foundation the site promotes itself on.

Just MY opinion, but if you want no consent chat, then create your own site, and have no consent chat on a site marked for it!

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Nov 29, 2018

If you don't like the words, leave. End of. Framing it as a consent issue is a fundamental misunderstanding of a core concept. Consent is not mentioned anywhere in the chat rules, nor have the admins defined this as a safe space.

There is a huge and fundamental difference between rude, offensive and non consentual.
If you don't want to be exposed to kinks and concepts that bother you, you're in the wrong place. Turn off the computer.

Miki • Nov 29, 2018

I agree with the dudes on this one. One ought to enter a chat room on a site like this prepared to see and read what the place is all about live and in (written) action. If one is overwhelmed, log out of it. Open one's own chat room.

This seems to be a slight echo of a forum topic I got involved in earlier this week. Between the two of them I think I am starting to see the beginnings of a pattern where some want to mellow this place down... "PC it to safe levels", "water it down", if you will and, well, that is not the original purpose.

I am certain there are kinder, gentler sites out there for those interested in discussing this lifestyle with all safeties and filters in place, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with someone preferring that, but on the other hand this place started out as a proverbial lion's den. There are lions in here. If one is worried about claws or sharp teeth, don't come in. It's the same with porno sites.. There are age restrictions as well there must be, but aside from that, they have just about everything else sexual. Don't click on the butt-humping tab if one is put off by it. Personally I do not like seeing man on man sex so I avoid the gay section.

The administration has established the TOS for this site and to try and water it down, and one might as well re-label it, and start from scratch.

Lady Pheonix​(dom female) • Nov 29, 2018

"If you don't like the words, leave. End of. Framing it as a consent issue is a fundamental misunderstanding of a core concept. Consent is not mentioned anywhere in the chat rules, nor have the admins defined this as a safe space.

There is a huge and fundamental difference between rude, offensive and non consentual.
If you don't want to be exposed to kinks and concepts that bother you, you're in the wrong place. Turn off the computer."


The rules state "Explicit chat should only happen in private rooms with consensual partners"

You deny the right to consent in that, You are denying the right of others to chose to consent, You are denying that what you do could be considered explicit, and you are saying you have a right to chose not only what consent is, but you have the right to define explicit for everyone on the site as well.

Basically all I see is you telling everyone that just by going into chat, we surrender all our rights, and must kneel to your judgement and your judgement alone. If that is the case, then you are missing a HUGE point of what BDSM is.

By the way, I never mentioned rude or offensive. I have NO issues being exposed to kinks or concepts, but that also does not mean I want to be confronted with them every time I step into chat, purely because someone wants to masturbate and have people watch. We have all been newbies at some point. We have all been awoken to concepts and kinks that we never considered when we started walking this path. THAT is different to having them foisted upon us unwillingly by someone who seems to not care about the thoughts, rights or ideas of others.

Yes, this is online, and in certain instances, should be taken with a pinch of salt. But you cannot flat out deny other peoples consent, opinions and rights merely because you want to scene. There ARE side rooms you can open, and you can scene until your brain breaks quite happily. That is not only polite, but then everyone entering to watch is entering with INFORMED CONSENT of what they might view.


That is the HUGE gulf between what you are demanding, and what others are saying. You are saying being allowed to scene anywhere, and anyway you like is consensual because people enter chat. But that is not INFORMED consent, and that would have to be given for every scene by every member of the site.

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Nov 29, 2018

Please explain the difference between words in a scene and words in a serious question.

If someone had been sexually assaulted needed support and described the event, no one would tell them to go to a separate room. Describe a scene of said same, outrage!

Same words. Cope.

Lady Pheonix​(dom female) • Nov 29, 2018

To refer directly to your reply, someone having been sexually assaulted is not asked to go into their local library and describe the assault to everyone in town. The police actually DO take them to a separate room, and interview them away from public gaze. This happens almost everywhere on the planet. Maybe you should check out what you are talking about here. You are removing consent and demanding the chat room empty so you can scene, implying it is your right to decide wether people find it explicit or not, and that only you have the right to determine consent.

You said you welcome views and clarity with the OP, but you seem more involved in your thoughts and rights than those of the rest of the community.

I have stated My views, and I for one do not consent to random scening in an open chat forum. I have not, at any point, denied your right to scene, as the rules state "Explicit chat should only happen in private rooms with consensual partners", and I do not deny that discussion on things will happen.

You do not have the right to define either "explicit" or "consensual" for Me. I alone hold that right for Me, and if I wanted to scene with someone, I would go to a separate and private room, not only because it is in the rules, but because in My opinion, consent has to be given, not demanded. That is the difference.

I am out of this conversation, as this is a circular arguement that has been raised multiple times, with a minority demanding they have the right to do as they wish, regardless of the rules or rights of the rest. Bye

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Nov 29, 2018

Bye.

Still not a consent issue. If you accuse me personally of violating it, that's a false allegation and a personal attack. You'll get banned. Please speak up and try. Please.

I will not be labelled an abuser. If you feel that way, put your words here and get banned.

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Nov 29, 2018

I think that “explicit” has so many different meanings and probably needs clarification to be honest. It’s a Bdsm site so surely most of the topics and behaviours are explicit? Even swearing is explicit for some.

Also, technically there is some form of informed consent in chat. As when you enter you also agree to the chat rules. But, I agree with Fud 100% here. I think there is a huge difference between common courtesy/manners and consent. You don’t stop a couple who are ‘fooling around’ in public and ask them to stop because you haven’t consented to it. No, you’d just walk away or ignore them. Also, there are many different triggers for people, and kinks vary so much among the diverse chat group... there would probably be nothing left to talk about if everyone stopped each time. For example, I remember talking in chat once upon a time about ‘contracts’ and this seemed to be a trigger for one girl who had been previously abused. Once this has been explained, those in chat respected this and changed the topic .. simple. However, they didn’t have to. This was not violating consent and she was free to leave at any time.

The bottom line is, you should expect anything to be discussed in there and understand that it’s a ‘safe space’ - which, FYI means that’s it’s a place for those who feel marginalised (aka kinksters) to feel free to express themselves however they like and without judgement. If you don’t like it or want to participate then there are many options you yourself have... E.g. mute the person offending you, leave the chat room if it’s not something you want to contribute too, or ask politely to stop if it seriously offends you. It’s definitely not a violation of consent (in my opinion).

On a side note, I think people should also try and remember to attack what someone is saying and not the person. I’m starting to see a few personal attacks and that’s not very community like.