Please stop ghosting.

Attaboyforu​(sub male) • Sep 17, 2019

I'm sort of questioning if being blocked by someone after a seemingly polite and clean conversation (no vulgarity, no cock pics) is the opposite of ghosting.

Justme26 • Sep 17, 2019

If you say no to someone and they will not leave you alone, that is the only good excuse for ghosting. Otherwise, don't try to normalise it. There is no excuse for it, it is just a disgusting fucking practice. No excuses.

Attaboyforu​(sub male) • Sep 17, 2019

Me?

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Sep 17, 2019

Ghosting is a nilla thing .

Justme26 • Sep 17, 2019

@attaboyforu: No, just a general comment.

NCarraway​(dom male) • Sep 18, 2019

I thought this conversation died and went to kink heaven months ago ... pehaps its one of those zombies that keeps coming back.

In my mind i differentiate the ghosting into two parts: a) while you are chatting, getting to know one another, and perhaps squaring up to enter into a dynamic, and b) while in a committed relationship.

a) I think if you are in the chatting phase then everyone is single and can walk away at any time. Its a bit like talking to people in a bar. You come to that place as a single, you may leave with someone or you may not. You may leave without saying goodbye, you may not. I should think if someone was bored with the conversation or feared for their safety/security on saying they were not interested (at the bar, we are still at the bar, stay with me) then they would probably leave without saying goodbye. Are you really going to stand up on a chair and announce to the bar that leaving without saying goodbye is against the rules? Is anyone going to pay any attention? The brutal truth is that people avoid confrontation and I am sorry to say that people with lower testosterone avoid it more. Its an unfortunate fact of life but there it is. If she ghosted you then she wasn't feeling it strong enough / was overwhelmed with other things / was triggered by something you said / decided she didn't trust you. It is possible that there was an 'innocent' (poor choice of words here I am not ascribing guilt) reason: her dog died / she lost her phone / she moved to the moon. I for one would like it if someone tells me that they are not feeling it and why - that's great feedback for me to think about - but it is rare and i accept that.

b) If you are in a committed relationship and this happens then this really does suck. It is however the risk of taking on a long distance online relationship. You just do not know at that point whether something awful has happened to a loved partner or they have just walked away. It is very difficult to get closure from such a situation.

I have long since blamed people for walking away without saying goodbye. We make connections, some click some don't. For me the comments most whiny on this thread were from the men and that is not healthy, especially since a good proportion of these are supposedly from Dom types. Gents you are supposed to be (whats the phrase @bunnie?) 'comfortable with being yourselves and non-apologetic' ... that means owning your shit and accepting that sometimes someone, for their own reasons would rather not talk to you and doesn't owe you (unless you are in a committed relationship) an explanation for that. Suck it up, this is life, this is how it is.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Sep 18, 2019

No its not, been ghosted a few times on here, so its a thing happens on kink sites too.

Justme26 • Sep 18, 2019

@NCarraway: 1. I stand by what I said 2. People, in bars or whatever, don't generally just get up and walk away. One would at least mumble excuse me as you walked away. 3. Calling someone whiny, just because they're opinion differs to yours, is just lazy thinking. By that token you were equally whiny.

I think that ghosting is a symptoms of a kind of lack of dedication, people feel that they can just wander from one relationship to another. Do people do this in real life? Not in my experience.

Little momma​(sub female) • Sep 18, 2019

Nicely said @NCarroway!

There are lots of reason people will ghost; a level of discomfort, fear of being persuaded to continue communicating, downright dislike of the person, realizing the person you thought was on the other end of the keyboard isn't at all what he/she/they portrayed in his/her/their profile, and the list can go on.

Yes ghosting happens in all lifestyles. What matters is how the ghostee handles it. Being a grown up means acknowledging the other person wasn't worth your time or wasn't that interested in you. It happens...it's life...get over it and move.

To quote Bebe Rexha, "If it's meant to be, it'll be, it'll be"

No Body​(dom male) • Sep 18, 2019

At first I had flashbacks to a totally different area when I read ghosting. I never knew that ghosting was a thing and that is what it was. I have been very lucky to only been told it's over and moved on. I have had one bad break up where it took a few weeks to let the idea that it was over sink in but it did. I have heard stories from friends who have left someone just to be stalked (this is before the PC era). Seems the times change and you have to worry more about online than real life now. Why is it the more technology we get the easier it is to be cyber stalked (?). This was suppose to make our lives better not worse.