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More than One

Daddy Zo​(dom male){Goodgirly}
5 years ago • Dec 21, 2018

Re: More than One

[quote="Fate"]I’ve been hesitant to ask this question because I feel like I’m going to get harsh responses from those who misunderstand my intent behind the query. So, please, don’t hear what I am not saying. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. No hidden agenda.

I’m not at all being rebellious here or in any way trying to evoke a scorned sub uprising. Lol. I’m just very new and thus unaware of some of the rationales behind certain rules (albeit unspoken ) surrounding the lifestyle.

And actually, rules is not the right word, but I’m concussed right now and cannot think of the proper one. Bents, maybe?

Anyway, my question is this:


~*~*~*~Why is it okay for Doms to have more than one sub, but not okay for subs to have more than one Dom?~*~*~*~


This is an honest question.

Am I misunderstanding that the above seems to be true/the case?

I’m genuinely curious. I’m not being obstinate at all against the way things work. I just really want and, because double-standards are a huge 50caliber negative trigger for me, I really need to know legitimate answers to this question. No vitriol please.

Thoughts?

Yes for one the role Dom can be played by Male or female. So gender is completely out . I also think that for a Sub to give her/him self to more than one would create an issue between Doms should they both require the same block of time . Serving one Dom should be more than enough but Doms liked to be served by more than one sub . Just as there can only be one King . And when there are more than one, WAR breaks out. So I think it is along the same lines . And keep in mind. In our beautiful BDSM world all things are negotiable and agreed on before we start or should be . As long as we are all on the same page we can all find the right Dom or sub and enjoy our wanted roles .
Devil's damsel​(sub female){HandsomeDe}
5 years ago • Dec 9, 2018
I personally have a number of Doms that I talk to on a regular basis. They all bring something unique to the table. They have uncovered facets about myself that are handled in different ways. Each one of them has helped me to explore these different parts of myself.

That being said, while I will do tasks for some of them, none of them own me. I do not belong specifically, nor have I completely given my submission to any of them. If and when I do this, depending on what that ONE says, communications with the others will be pulled back to a respectful distance.

As of right now dd is a free sub, and I can speak with whomever I wish. However, once my submission is given, well, in my eyes that ties and binds me to that ONE. I don’t know how I would be able to balance having two or more actual Doms. What if one says “orgasm denial, orgasm denial, orgasm denial”, and the other says “orgasm daily, orgasm daily, orgasm daily”? Who do you choose to obey? And that’s just a drop in the bucket considering the amount of conflict that could arise there. That’s too much work for me lol.

The most important thing is honesty. A sub shouldn’t have “secret” Doms, or side Doms...the same way the Dom shouldn’t have secret, or side subs. All parties need to talk it out and be in agreement. Poly is not for everyone, trust me. For some it works just fine, for others it just plain hurts.
SevenSeven
5 years ago • Dec 8, 2018
SevenSeven • Dec 8, 2018
MasterBear wrote:
...subs can have as many D types as they want.


Totally agree.
JaimeJade​(sub female){BaronJ}
5 years ago • Dec 8, 2018
I’ve found most people on here to be very helpful and non judgemental - I mean being who we are it would be highly hypercritical of us if we were judgemental... I believe we are all in this together, figuring out who we are, why we are different from the ‘norm’ or ‘vanilla’ community and also what makes us different. There’s always room to learn more even the most experienced are still learning... and then the most experienced should be willing to help others who are finding their true selves x
Fate
5 years ago • Dec 8, 2018
Fate • Dec 8, 2018
And for the record, I do not personally want more than one Dom. I am like Mono on steroids. Lol.

I was just curious in general, but it seems like from many of these responses that there may not be a double standard where I assumed there to be surrounding this aspect of D/s.

All of your answers were insightful and interesting to me. Thank you guys!

Also, I’ve not had a bad experience with asking questions here on Cage. Everyone has been extraordinarily helpful and encouraging.

Faters
notavanilla
5 years ago • Dec 7, 2018

More than One has more than one answer.

notavanilla • Dec 7, 2018
It is a question that has been answered in people's lives. As we all know that everything has been done before and subs collecting or shopping has as well. Like all relationships there is dynamics and that is the meat of the matter, who is involved and what are they like? It all depends on how many people are involved as well because that adds to the dimension of the complexities to the overall situation.
The overall hoped for result is; can this work?
Now many people have expressed that with one they have their hands full. As a dom you can handle more than one because they ( doms ) don't get beat. When you ( sub ) receive a rough session then you may need a little aftercare so what happens when another dom shows up? Do you stand him or her up? It has this matter of just how much can your body take? If you need more than one then what is the reason that you do? Is it for a lack of performance or just that you like the company that they offer so the more the merrier? Will these be solo ventures or will you enjoy them together?
Of course what if you love them both, hate them both or was torn between the good in each but also acknowledge that they both have bad sides as well. You could put yourself on an emotional roller coaster. It could be the thrill of your life but at some point one of them or you could feel burned. All relationships are an investment in self so maybe you study the people and see if you would like to invest further in them and then if that works then you can approach the other person and see if they are willing to go poly from the dominant side of the relationship. IF and I mean IF they are OK with this then maybe you can go forward unless you want to just do this little thing and keep it private from the others in the relationship. Then if or when that private thing comes out then you have two pissed off guys, right? You see it it a little harder to hide BDSM activities than other forms of sexual activities as a sub. Unless you want to hide your body and unless it is a long distance relationship that may not work so well.

I could write more but lets see what these statements churn up.

notavanilla
PappaBear
5 years ago • Dec 7, 2018

Uh, I respectfully disagree....

PappaBear • Dec 7, 2018
SweetSirRendering wrote:
perfectly put, PapaB. i dont think just letting the wookie win is the best strategy either.


OH YES IT IS!!! That's not a Dom... it's a WOOKIEEEEE!
SweetSirRendering​(sub female)
5 years ago • Dec 7, 2018
for me , right now, i cannot see myself serving more than one Dom, so i would be careful to ensure the Dom has all the things. We are all different, so it really is whatever we / each of us want needs. Agrees with all ya'll icon_wink.gif... as long as you aren't trying to impose your own rules on everyone else. icon_smile.gif
EnforcedBliss​(dom male)
5 years ago • Dec 7, 2018
EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2018
I could not agree with you more PappaBear. Every word is gospel.

If I gave the impression that I think every dom with multiple subs fits the description I gave then I wholeheartedly step back from that. There are, no doubt, good and caring doms that have multiple subs and who provide the attention and nurturing those subs need. And if that works for everyone involved and everyone is taken care of then it's all good. That is the only thing that matters to me. If everyone is happy and no one feels coerced then let them carry on bravely though hell should bar the way.

Loved the C3POO crack man, dorky but just obscure and precise enough to be cool