More than One

PappaBear • Dec 7, 2018

While the idea that some Doms do seem to "collect subs" as a means of adorning their Dom/me belt is a fair and valid point AND that some subs may seek out multiple Doms as a means of getting extra attention, I submit there are many different reasons for both practices that have nothing whatsoever to do with either reason described as such...

Are you only a slave? Are you only a masochist? Are you only a little, fuck slut, pain slut, blah blah blah.... NOPE! Probably not. So if you can't find a Dom that you click with that fulfills all of your needs, who the hell is to say you as a person (<-- yeah, I said it) should be less entitled to find a situation through 2 or more Doms that you do click with and who can fulfill those needs? There is no reason two intelligent Doms (yeah, I know in many cases it's an oxymoron) and CARING Dom/mes can't work out a simple share plan... Gee, off the top of my head how about alternating weeks for instance to give the sub what they truly need and not feed an ego. This does NOT make you weak or a Service Top. To my mind, it's a sign of true Dominance to be comfortable enough in your own self to set aside that ego and realize that that person who you connect with may have needs that you do not address. It means you have been able to Master that primal baby like urge to cry "mine!"

You are a person FIRST. A person who identifies as X, Y, and or Z. This is YOU not THEM. THEY do not get a say in what makes you tick or what your needs should be. They have the option to take it or leave it. Just as you have the option to take or leave their offer.

Still not there? Ok try this...
This guy has the best, but not the only, bread in town and does not sell water. He tells you, you may buy my bread, but if you do, you can't drink water from the only water well in town... Are you really going to buy that bread and die a week later of dehydration?
I sure hope your answer was no. The Bread may be any one or set of needs you have. The water... same thing. The point is simple... Man cannot live by bread alone. Neither can a sub. So if you as a Dom see you can't live up to and fulfill that need in a potential or you've already entered into an agreement with your sub, would you really let them dehydrate and wither because you can't pull your head out of your "entitled" ass?

Now, let's look at the Dom's collection... Is it not possible that a Dom/me might find another more selfless reason to collect subs than to add to a bloated ego... of course it is. We're not all C3-PO. (Get it, get it, we're not all protocol droids) If you are Domming by the book, ugh boy did you miss the boat. It's not a one size fits all life folks. Same rules apply to the Dom as a person as a sub... I have a sub that can't fulfill this, but this one does... I connect emotionally with this one but this one wants me to use them however I see fit with no emotional ties. Or what if it's a case of picking up and nurturing strays (yeah, totally me). You see them bent and broken and you pick them up and brush them off, give them some warmth and love ready, to send them on their way... and damn it if you don't get attached. Most of the time it's not too hard, but sometimes you come across one that just melts your big ole Grinchy Dom heart.


Full disclosure: I have been sick for 3 days with a splitting headache, fever, and dizziness. If any of this feels like an attack on someone I assure you it is 100% coincidence.

Masterbenjie • Dec 7, 2018

I find it common for a sub to have a main dom but have other secret doms that are less serious but more fun, and some doms also prefer to just have one sub, it’s just a matter of preference, some doms (some rare doms) don’t mind if you want to play with other doms as long as you are still there’s and it’s also a owner thing, people don’t like to share what they Own

Masterbenjie • Dec 7, 2018

I find it common for a sub to have a main dom but have other secret doms that are less serious but more fun, and some doms also prefer to just have one sub, it’s just a matter of preference, some doms (some rare doms) don’t mind if you want to play with other doms as long as you are still there’s and it’s also a owner thing, people don’t like to share what they Own

JaimeJade​(sub female){BaronJ} • Dec 7, 2018

Hmmm perhaps I am just a greedy little brat slut and want it all...

I have my Master... who is also my husband, but he is new to the lifestyle, and while he has slipped into Dom role very quickly and very easily he knows I’m craving a more experienced Dom to play with as he is still learning.

So currently, Master is in talks with another, more experienced Dom for me to play with on a reward type basis when I’ve been good. He will be my Sir and they will talk about rules and protocol that they are jointly happy for me to follow while I am with Sir. Master will always be my number 1 and he has separate rules for me to follow when I am with him - which is daily since we are married.

And hey, I’m very bi curious and want to explore that side of myself too, which Master is happy for me to do so, but I will then be a switch when I’m with her.

At the end of the day trust and honesty is the forefront of all of this and everyone is different in what works best for them.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Dec 7, 2018

I dont agree that you cant give 100% of yourself to multiple Dom/mes.


Dom/mes all ask for different things.

An s type can be a public service s for one D and a household s for another.

You are your only limitation.


I've known successful s types that have served more then one D.

The problem that I see is when the D types cant share.

But-- that isnt the s types fault.

Yes- an s can successfully and with 100%
heart have more then one D type.


It's the same argument that poly has.

Phanes​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2018

Ok, *My personal opinion*

This is not to put shade on anyone who may currently or may be considering entering a poly relationship. To each their own.

But My view is that I find it challenging enough to have one submissive within a relationship as it is. When I enter a relationship; I give that submissive/slave 100 percent My attention as I expect her to do with Me. My relationship is not just D/s related. I believe in developing a deep understanding of the "one" I am with on a personal level with the intent of developing a true loving, respectful, loyal, nurturing, and honest relationship. I work to form a strong bond and foundation that will hopefully result in a real time relationship if/when it occurs. In doing so, it only deepens the commitment between the Dominant/submissive where that trust and loyalty is unquestionable and make for a more fulfilling D/s relationship.

With that said, I personally cant see who any one person can take on more than one submissive and expect to give that same sense of attention to a group of submissives without one of them feeling slighted and perhaps feeling as if they are not getting equal attention as another submissive is getting? I can't see how any submissive would think that less of themselves in allowing her Dominant to be shared with other submissives? Apparently these types of poly relationships don't develop into the level of commitment or the depths on an emotional personal level one would hope to achieve when they have given their "gift" of submission to a Dominant who tries to manage more than one submissive with equal care, time, and respect.

As for more than one Dominant at a time; I totally agree with Wakko and others. It would be a disaster in many ways!! Power struggle between the Dominants as to who has the last say over what a submissive can and cant do. It would obviously create great confusion with the submissive as to Who they are to listen to; causing much unnecessary stress and mental anguish.

Really great answers! Loved it!

Freya369 • Dec 7, 2018

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2018

I could see the psychologist mind trying to do her work here
First she should ask for a mentor rather than another Dom, but I concede you have a point if she just take on another Dom for that purpose only.
The difference between a Dom and a sub is in the need, so a Dom quest is to dominate and not getting attention, except of course in his profile and during the comms/connection

Bunnie • Dec 7, 2018

Something I find interesting is that it seems to be portrayed that the majority of Doms seem to seek multiple subs. In my experience it’s actually quite the opposite... those that seek multiple subs are by far the minority. Most Doms I’ve met here are monogamous... so I’m wondering where all these sub-snatchers are lurking? Sure there are plenty of players... but I don’t consider them to be Doms... I consider them to be players.

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2018

Hiya Fate

As for poly, thanks but no. That is a whole bunch of drama I neither want nor need. A lot of that drama would be from me because I know me well enough to know that I would not be able to deal with the emotions and insecurities that would swirl around in me. It couldn't be anything but toxic. Maybe I'll "mature" lol but I doubt it and I truly don't care if I do.

As to your real question. The answer, to me, is threefold:
1) A dom can have as many subs as is workable within the relationships involved. A sub can have as many doms as is workable within the relationships involved. Is multiple doms tricky? Hell yeah, so is any group of people. How could it work? C-level business model? Good communication between the doms? The point is that there is no can and can't outside of what each is willing to accept without coercion and work, in good faith, toward.

2) Subs, stop putting up with it. If you do not feel comfortable with poly (or anything else) and it keeps coming up then step on it. You are equal in this - regardless the trappings - and if there is something that you know you are not up for then assert yourself in the context of the wider relationship. Time and place and all of that. There is no subbiest sub and if, God forbid, there is one then I don't want to meet her.

3) Doms are a problem. Not all of them, but a hell of a lot of them and they are fucking it up for the rest of us. Just like there is no subbiest sub there is no dommiest dom but damned if there doesn't seem to be a fierce competition for the non-existant crown. There is a check list that you must satisfy in order to be accepted into the brotherhood. I've not yet ticked off every box so I'm unsure how the induction ceremony works.

One of the required boxes is multiple subs*. This is because the more you can claim the more dommy you clearly are. I imagine that three is the minimum but I don't know if it goes by gross number or combined height or what exactly. A dom with only one sub is obviously not powerful enough to manage more than one sub - grunt scratch scratch grunt. The fact that not a single one of those lucky and select subs is getting near the attention that they require and deserve doesn't occur to these mongols because the only thing that matters is their duct-taped swollen egos. That's how they appear to the dommy committee. And if you are reading this and thinking, "He better not be talking about me?" Yeah, I fucking am.

A sub can't have multiple doms because the ego won't allow it. If you have two doms then it screams to the world that HE is not dom enough for you and you need a supplement. He may as well pin a picture of a two inch penis to his forehead and wear an "Inadequate" sign around his bowed neck (to those that are into that - good on ya! You do you ) He knows that he is inadequate, she likely knows - or she will know really damned quick - why broadcast it to the world?

So there is my far too long and uninformed answer to your very sensible and perfectly fair question. Sorry for the rantiness Fate.

Bliss

*Editted to add - I do not mean to suggest that all poly people fit this description. There are good and functional and fulfilling poly relationships and that kicks 9 flavours of ass. If you are one of those people and in one of those relationships then you are not who I am talking about at all.