More than One

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Dec 7, 2018

@ FabSeverus, I don’t think a sub having more than one Dom/me necessarily means that they are only seeking attention and not truly submitting. I think that there are many different situations where a sub could benefit from having more than one Dom/me. For example, an inexperienced sub may be in a romantic relationship with an inexperienced Dom and so benefit from a non-romantic experienced Dom in addition to both help her grow and also help the inexperienced Dom learn. Also, I don’t understand how a Dom having more than one sub is still being a Dom in this logic of yours? How is he not only seeking attention then by having multiple subs?

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2018

There are 3 majors in BDSM that we all should follow :
Consent
Trust
Care

So after that its only between you and who ever you decide to submit.
For online submission its easier to have more than one Dom. In reality it takes month to find the One you can trust so to find another one at the same level would make you lucky, but could happen.
Its not a double standard its a mind set, subs are more likely to only have one Dom to have the unique experience. Having more than one show that you only seek attention and not really submit.
Not many Dom have multiple subs, unless its their 24/7 life or are retired Depending on his experience and his field a Dom could have more than one sub without deminishing the subs status. Either apply the same type of dominance or adapt depending the sub type.
Just remember is, why you decide to submit then it will show how you get dommed
In my opinion.

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Dec 7, 2018

@ Dominus Blakesley,

I don’t agree with the idea that you can’t give 100% of yourself to multiple people ... but I agree with Wakko and your lover that you can’t give 100% of yourself to multiple Doms. This is because having more than one Dom is bound to cause confliction and then who would you obey/disobey?

Saying that, I think that there are many exceptions to this. For instance, you may have a masochist with little tendencies who wants both a Daddy Dom and a Sadist - both fulfill a different need and are less likely to overlap. It seems like strong comminication skills would be key here.

I guess what it boils down to, is that it all depends on each individual relationship/dynamic. You also have those who are strictly monogamous, who don’t like to share and are unable to give 100% of themselves to more than one person. Then you have those who are poly at heart, and are easily able to give all of themselves to multiple people.

Dominus Blakesley​(dom male){Amaris Anc} • Dec 7, 2018

To add on to my earlier reply, my lover had just read over this topic and gave her two cents about the matter.

"In general, I guess it's okay for a sub to have multiple Doma. But personally? The way I see it, and this is for my case, you give your *all*, yourself, what makes you, you, to your Dom, as he gives all to you. You don't give partial or half-ass it to your Dom then give yourself to another at the same time.. Because even if you try to, how can you give all of yourself to multiple people?"

Now, my lover's response puts a spin of perspective on it. I am actually quite curious... Are there any subs out there who share the same ideas as my lover here? To only being able to give all of yourself to one Dom, not multiple?

Dominus Blakesley​(dom male){Amaris Anc} • Dec 7, 2018

DrWakko's reply--my words exactly.
Although it is not *looked down upon* for subs to have more than one Dom, it is incredibly difficult for the party involved to coordinate. The "Who do you listen to/disobey" would be one of the key complications with that situation. Not only that, but each Dom, I am sure, would have their own individual Contracts with that one sub. The Contracts can completely contradict each other, worst comes to worst, so what would the sub be able to do then?
On the other hand, having multiple subs is not only easier to coordinate and have a working relationship, but there are *no* dispute between each individual sub (not counting favoritism/jealousy, if any,). As a Dom, one can have the same or different Contracts for each sub they sign with into their life, and there would not be any issue. In one Contract, one sub cannot do this, while in a different Contract, the sub can do exactly that and more. While it can be difficult to try and enforce each individual clause and whatnot for each sub, it can be done, and really, if one sub has an issue with being able/not being able to do something when another sub can/cannot, one can easily make changers or be heavy-handed and say, "You signed the Contract, we may discuss suspending it for now to alter the clauses regarding [such and such]."
In short, both can be done, but one would be more difficult and risky for the sub(s) than the other. Communication is key for any solid relationship of any kind, right along with trust and loyalty. To take part in either of those types of relationships you mentioned would require much, *much*, communication, all the more trying but all the more gratifying for the relationship should it prove to be a success in the long term.

Onlinedomguy​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2018

Speaking from the perspective of a Dom - I only want one sub. It's a personal preference as I think, like just about every situation in life, it is up to the people directly involved to define what works for them.

I am aware there are some who decide for themselves things have to be a certain way or they won't move forward. So I am sure there are Doms who expect to have multiple subs while their subs remain loyal to them. That's their preference and as long as they are up front about it, then a sub knows what she is getting into and can decide for herself if right.

I will not take another sub while I am with mine. My preference.

For me, I put so much of myself into the relationship I just don't feel like I could play with multiple subs as a regular thing. That works for me.

If you want one on one, then stick to your guns. If other types of relationships work for you, go for it.

Bunnie • Dec 7, 2018

@ Fate, it concerns me that you were worried about asking a question here ... even if things become inflamed, it’s very rarely a reflection on the original poster. Please don’t ever feel like you can’t ask something... no matter how “silly” you may think it seems.

As for your question:

“Why is it okay for Doms to have more than one sub, but not okay for subs to have more than one Dom?”

My answer is simple...
It’s up to the individuals involved. I know a few subs (online mostly) who have more than one Dom... and it seems to work fine for those involved. In a way, subs who are married and who have a Dom are “serving” more than one person. Poly. Kinksters. There are endless combinations. M/s it’s not as common... but still does happen also. Very few people have a “traditional” mindset... unless you find yourself amongst the Leather community or those more geared towards Old Guard.

For myself? It’s simply that I like to give 100% focus to one person. I struggle to share my attention... kind of like being a very poor multitasker. I struggle enough to please one Dominant as it is lol... more than one would kill me... they are after all, a pretty demanding bunch

MasterBear​(other butch) • Dec 7, 2018

Great question.

Dont know who your talking to.

But subs can have as many D types as they want.

HisRedd{Self} • Dec 7, 2018

As I always do , I only speak for me....

I personally can only serve one. I think it has to do with the level I aim to please him. If I give my submission that I give my heart, body and mind. Therefore I don’t have any more room for another. I still learning as well so this concept might not apply to everyone. If that is what one is looking for I am sure someone out there might feel the same. We all are looking for something specific. So great question!

DrWakko • Dec 7, 2018

The "issue" of a submissive having more than one Dom is: who do you listen to and who do you have to 'disobey'". It would be like someone who has three direct boss you have to answer to. Who do you listen to? Whose orders do you ignore.

If you have a primary Dom and that Dom says you can't spend a weekend with a partner and you are with a Dom that says you will spend the weekend with them. What do you do?

Yes, communication is important no matter the dynamic. But it is easier to have one boss than many.