More than One

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2018

There are 3 majors in BDSM that we all should follow :
Consent
Trust
Care

So after that its only between you and who ever you decide to submit.
For online submission its easier to have more than one Dom. In reality it takes month to find the One you can trust so to find another one at the same level would make you lucky, but could happen.
Its not a double standard its a mind set, subs are more likely to only have one Dom to have the unique experience. Having more than one show that you only seek attention and not really submit.
Not many Dom have multiple subs, unless its their 24/7 life or are retired Depending on his experience and his field a Dom could have more than one sub without deminishing the subs status. Either apply the same type of dominance or adapt depending the sub type.
Just remember is, why you decide to submit then it will show how you get dommed
In my opinion.

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Dec 7, 2018

@ FabSeverus, I don’t think a sub having more than one Dom/me necessarily means that they are only seeking attention and not truly submitting. I think that there are many different situations where a sub could benefit from having more than one Dom/me. For example, an inexperienced sub may be in a romantic relationship with an inexperienced Dom and so benefit from a non-romantic experienced Dom in addition to both help her grow and also help the inexperienced Dom learn. Also, I don’t understand how a Dom having more than one sub is still being a Dom in this logic of yours? How is he not only seeking attention then by having multiple subs?

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2018

Hiya Fate

As for poly, thanks but no. That is a whole bunch of drama I neither want nor need. A lot of that drama would be from me because I know me well enough to know that I would not be able to deal with the emotions and insecurities that would swirl around in me. It couldn't be anything but toxic. Maybe I'll "mature" lol but I doubt it and I truly don't care if I do.

As to your real question. The answer, to me, is threefold:
1) A dom can have as many subs as is workable within the relationships involved. A sub can have as many doms as is workable within the relationships involved. Is multiple doms tricky? Hell yeah, so is any group of people. How could it work? C-level business model? Good communication between the doms? The point is that there is no can and can't outside of what each is willing to accept without coercion and work, in good faith, toward.

2) Subs, stop putting up with it. If you do not feel comfortable with poly (or anything else) and it keeps coming up then step on it. You are equal in this - regardless the trappings - and if there is something that you know you are not up for then assert yourself in the context of the wider relationship. Time and place and all of that. There is no subbiest sub and if, God forbid, there is one then I don't want to meet her.

3) Doms are a problem. Not all of them, but a hell of a lot of them and they are fucking it up for the rest of us. Just like there is no subbiest sub there is no dommiest dom but damned if there doesn't seem to be a fierce competition for the non-existant crown. There is a check list that you must satisfy in order to be accepted into the brotherhood. I've not yet ticked off every box so I'm unsure how the induction ceremony works.

One of the required boxes is multiple subs*. This is because the more you can claim the more dommy you clearly are. I imagine that three is the minimum but I don't know if it goes by gross number or combined height or what exactly. A dom with only one sub is obviously not powerful enough to manage more than one sub - grunt scratch scratch grunt. The fact that not a single one of those lucky and select subs is getting near the attention that they require and deserve doesn't occur to these mongols because the only thing that matters is their duct-taped swollen egos. That's how they appear to the dommy committee. And if you are reading this and thinking, "He better not be talking about me?" Yeah, I fucking am.

A sub can't have multiple doms because the ego won't allow it. If you have two doms then it screams to the world that HE is not dom enough for you and you need a supplement. He may as well pin a picture of a two inch penis to his forehead and wear an "Inadequate" sign around his bowed neck (to those that are into that - good on ya! You do you ) He knows that he is inadequate, she likely knows - or she will know really damned quick - why broadcast it to the world?

So there is my far too long and uninformed answer to your very sensible and perfectly fair question. Sorry for the rantiness Fate.

Bliss

*Editted to add - I do not mean to suggest that all poly people fit this description. There are good and functional and fulfilling poly relationships and that kicks 9 flavours of ass. If you are one of those people and in one of those relationships then you are not who I am talking about at all.

Bunnie • Dec 7, 2018

Something I find interesting is that it seems to be portrayed that the majority of Doms seem to seek multiple subs. In my experience it’s actually quite the opposite... those that seek multiple subs are by far the minority. Most Doms I’ve met here are monogamous... so I’m wondering where all these sub-snatchers are lurking? Sure there are plenty of players... but I don’t consider them to be Doms... I consider them to be players.

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2018

I could see the psychologist mind trying to do her work here
First she should ask for a mentor rather than another Dom, but I concede you have a point if she just take on another Dom for that purpose only.
The difference between a Dom and a sub is in the need, so a Dom quest is to dominate and not getting attention, except of course in his profile and during the comms/connection

Really great answers! Loved it!

Freya369 • Dec 7, 2018

Phanes​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2018

Ok, *My personal opinion*

This is not to put shade on anyone who may currently or may be considering entering a poly relationship. To each their own.

But My view is that I find it challenging enough to have one submissive within a relationship as it is. When I enter a relationship; I give that submissive/slave 100 percent My attention as I expect her to do with Me. My relationship is not just D/s related. I believe in developing a deep understanding of the "one" I am with on a personal level with the intent of developing a true loving, respectful, loyal, nurturing, and honest relationship. I work to form a strong bond and foundation that will hopefully result in a real time relationship if/when it occurs. In doing so, it only deepens the commitment between the Dominant/submissive where that trust and loyalty is unquestionable and make for a more fulfilling D/s relationship.

With that said, I personally cant see who any one person can take on more than one submissive and expect to give that same sense of attention to a group of submissives without one of them feeling slighted and perhaps feeling as if they are not getting equal attention as another submissive is getting? I can't see how any submissive would think that less of themselves in allowing her Dominant to be shared with other submissives? Apparently these types of poly relationships don't develop into the level of commitment or the depths on an emotional personal level one would hope to achieve when they have given their "gift" of submission to a Dominant who tries to manage more than one submissive with equal care, time, and respect.

As for more than one Dominant at a time; I totally agree with Wakko and others. It would be a disaster in many ways!! Power struggle between the Dominants as to who has the last say over what a submissive can and cant do. It would obviously create great confusion with the submissive as to Who they are to listen to; causing much unnecessary stress and mental anguish.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Dec 7, 2018

I dont agree that you cant give 100% of yourself to multiple Dom/mes.


Dom/mes all ask for different things.

An s type can be a public service s for one D and a household s for another.

You are your only limitation.


I've known successful s types that have served more then one D.

The problem that I see is when the D types cant share.

But-- that isnt the s types fault.

Yes- an s can successfully and with 100%
heart have more then one D type.


It's the same argument that poly has.

JaimeJade​(sub female){BaronJ} • Dec 7, 2018

Hmmm perhaps I am just a greedy little brat slut and want it all...

I have my Master... who is also my husband, but he is new to the lifestyle, and while he has slipped into Dom role very quickly and very easily he knows I’m craving a more experienced Dom to play with as he is still learning.

So currently, Master is in talks with another, more experienced Dom for me to play with on a reward type basis when I’ve been good. He will be my Sir and they will talk about rules and protocol that they are jointly happy for me to follow while I am with Sir. Master will always be my number 1 and he has separate rules for me to follow when I am with him - which is daily since we are married.

And hey, I’m very bi curious and want to explore that side of myself too, which Master is happy for me to do so, but I will then be a switch when I’m with her.

At the end of the day trust and honesty is the forefront of all of this and everyone is different in what works best for them.

Masterbenjie • Dec 7, 2018

I find it common for a sub to have a main dom but have other secret doms that are less serious but more fun, and some doms also prefer to just have one sub, it’s just a matter of preference, some doms (some rare doms) don’t mind if you want to play with other doms as long as you are still there’s and it’s also a owner thing, people don’t like to share what they Own