Who’s here seeking dom/sub relations (online) that they’re hiding/can’t have at home?

Bunnie • Dec 14, 2018

Actually I thought it was a rather interesting topic. Until recently, it didn’t seem like there was any hostility... just a discussion around the op. I certainly wasn’t coming from a place of attacking... yes I disagree and have my own opinions around it... yes my original post was harsh, however, I feel this op has opened up a very interesting discussion around something that is very common here. We’re all adults aren’t we? Can we not discuss the hard stuff?

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Dec 14, 2018

@Bunnie - I was pleasantly surprised the thread got this far before getting ugly.

There are a ton of folks here without their partners knowledge, or who have lived thriygh affairs on both sides. It's bound to grt personal. I call it a third rail topic; kinda like mono vs poly. Folks get personal.

At any rate, to get things back on track, I'd like to touch on the idea that online communication is a safer substitute for a physical affair..

Is it?

Is emotional infidelity worse, same or better than a physical hookup?

What do folks consider "cheating" and what is ok?

Bianca15​(switch female) • Dec 14, 2018

You know, when I was your age, I literally said the exact same thing. Literally. Those EXACT words. Out loud. Then I grew up, and realized that the world isn't so black and white. And not everyone is in a position where they can just leave. I've started to understand and have some compassion for people that aren't in a position to leave, for whatever reason. And their reasons are their own. Some kind of crappy, some less so. And even if their reasons kind of suck, well, welcome to life. We all make bad, selfish decisions sometimes. And sometimes life just sucks.

Your marriage seems very solid and sweet. That's great. But not everyone has that. I truly hope that yours remains that way.

Allie Kat​(sub trans woman){DarkFox} • Dec 14, 2018

@CrazySexyCool

Lol you can feel that way about me if you want. Yes i absolutely /did/ open myself up to that by posting it in a public place.

I never said i have been through things worse than him, i said worse than the situation that he is describing here, and i do know that.

Now that brings me to my last point. He /hasn't/ been judged and berated here. He has been /disagreed with/. Disagreeing isn't judging or berating, so your "compasion" really seems like "stop disagreeing, disagreeing is mean t_t" which is absolutely wrong. If people /were/ berating him, then i would absolutely be on your side, but you can't just silence people because they don't agree with you.

Allie Kat​(sub trans woman){DarkFox} • Dec 14, 2018

Also, i guess you cant edit posts, but i have to admit that i have failed once again. Although i believe you are 100% wrong, i did not talk to you the way i would want to be talked to if/when i am 100% wrong and im sorry. I got defensive over seeing what i percieve to be people doing the right thing and in a respectful way and getting attacked for it. I should not have had the tone of "where do you get off?!" And im sorry for that.

sweet november​(sub female) • Dec 14, 2018

Ya, that was really crappy.... so you were going to edit it out? Lol.


In my initial post that got me told off, I was not attacking anybody, that I felt.
Certainly did not single anyone out.

However, having an adult conversation on this subject is pretty much either agreeing with the consensus or your 100% wrong and standing up for an "abuser"

Simply put, if anyone really expects any differing ideas or opinions, an adult conversation, its not going to happen.on this subject.

Re read all that was written then try to put yourself in his shoes, or others, and see if it was really helpful, or not.

Some was. I said that. <<<< please read that, as that seems to have been missed in my initial post.

But if you take an honest step back... and look... most of it was not helpful, ...just a lot of "your wrong, its wrong, I'd never do that, etc"

In a perfect world, we'd all be perfect.



If anyone truly wants an adult discussion on this,
After reading this.... Why would someone come on here to be told how wrong they are? Unless of course, they aren't "wrong" to the ones that believe they are 100% right.

I certainly won't put myself out there ever again. Life is hard enough. Goodness.

People have left this site because of this drama. And I got sucked in, ..my fault completely.

This makes me really sad.

Devil's damsel​(sub female){HandsomeDe} • Dec 14, 2018

@Fud

Good questions. I personally didn’t consider my online dalliances “cheating”. To me it wasn’t physical, so it wasn’t cheating.

Boy was I wrong. My ex-husband most definitely considered it cheating. And he was right. My emotions got so wrapped up in who I was talking to I was like, (insert ex’s name here) who? He was off my radar and all of my time and energy and focus and love was spent on that person on the other side of the screen.

The only difference between physical cheating and emotional cheating is that there is no chance of an STI or an unwanted pregnancy. That’s literally it.

Again, I still don’t regret any of my decisions or actions. They have all led me down this path and helped mold me into who I am today.

Devil's damsel​(sub female){HandsomeDe} • Dec 14, 2018

Don’t censor yourself because someone disagrees and refuses to see another point of view. That’s life. If the whole world could take a step back and see things from every angle before tossing around opinions like they’re gospel, things wouldn’t be the way they are.

So you and the Wolfy/Fox’s don’t agree...so what? That’s what these forums are for. It’s a great place to see what makes everyone tick. What really gets people fired up. Which side of the fence they’re on. What an amazing insight into who these people are that they might not have shared otherwise.

If you’re the type, like me, who can’t help but stick up a bit for the underdog if you see someone getting ganged up on, go for it! If you have a good solid opinion on what is being discussed, go for it! Don’t hold yourself back because you weren’t able to get your POV through to a couple people.

Your thoughts, opinions, and arguments are just as valid and valuable as everyone else’s are.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Dec 14, 2018

These are really good questions.

By the conventions of monogamy, says my love- online dalliances are cheating.

I'm torn on this.

Great discussions though!!!!

dollMaker​(dom male) • Dec 14, 2018

“Judge Softly”

“Pray, don’t find fault with the man that limps,
Or stumbles along the road.
Unless you have worn the moccasins he wears,
Or stumbled beneath the same load.

There may be tears in his soles that hurt
Though hidden away from view.
The burden he bears placed on your back
May cause you to stumble and fall, too.

Don’t sneer at the man who is down today
Unless you have felt the same blow
That caused his fall or felt the shame
That only the fallen know.

You may be strong, but still the blows
That were his, unknown to you in the same way,
May cause you to stagger and fall, too.

Don’t be too harsh with the man that sins.
Or pelt him with words, or stone, or disdain.
Unless you are sure you have no sins of your own,
And it’s only wisdom and love that your heart contains.

For you know if the tempter’s voice
Should whisper as soft to you,
As it did to him when he went astray,
It might cause you to falter, too.

Just walk a mile in his moccasins
Before you abuse, criticize and accuse.
If just for one hour, you could find a way
To see through his eyes, instead of your own muse.

I believe you’d be surprised to see
That you’ve been blind and narrow-minded, even unkind.
There are people on reservations and in the ghettos
Who have so little hope, and too much worry on their minds.

Brother, there but for the grace of God go you and I.
Just for a moment, slip into his mind and traditions
And see the world through his spirit and eyes
Before you cast a stone or falsely judge his conditions.

Remember to walk a mile in his moccasins
And remember the lessons of humanity taught to you by your elders.
We will be known forever by the tracks we leave
In other people’s lives, our kindnesses and generosity.

Take the time to walk a mile in his moccasins.”

~ by Mary T. Lathrap, 1895