Dom/sub polygamy

Dom/sub polygamy

Shannon Lee​(sub female){Owned} • Jan 6, 2019

I've had some doms tell me that my Dom shouldn't like to share his sub, everyone has an opinion and I know this isn't exactly unheard of. I'm very happy in this relationship as it is. The other Doms tried to make me feel like I was being stupid and also insulated my Dom for getting pleasure from sharing. What do you think? Am I a stupid girl in a toxic relationship?

SirHanz​(dom male){Minx} • Jan 6, 2019

To each his own I say. If your dynamics work for you and dont hurt others? Meh... just tell those asshats to shove off and surround yourself with people that get it. And if they dont? Why would you want frends like that anyway?

Shannon Lee​(sub female){Owned} • Jan 6, 2019

I'm running into some negativity while searching for like minded folks. I don't want to get pointed in the wrong direction because I'm relatively new to this lifestyle. Thank you for your thoughts, Sir?

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Jan 6, 2019

It doesnt matter what others think, as long as neither of you are being harmed and you're not harming other people (Even then it only matters because they are most likely trying to help).

Are /you/ okay with being shared? Was this discussed beforehand and agreed upon? Does it make the two of you happy?

Then screw what anyone else says.

Even as someone who isnt into polygamy, I see nothing wrong with what you two are doing, as long as you're both okay with it and its agreed upon.

Dont let other people tell you how to love. Im told all the time I'm too "soft" because I dont believe in rules and punishments or because my submissive is equal to me in every way and has his own voice. And yet I'll watch those same Dom/mes' relationships fail while mine grows stronger.

Everyone has a different way to love. You guys do you. Ignore the idiots telling you that you're wrong.

Freya369 • Jan 6, 2019

If we only seek out people, friends, etc., that agree with our opinion and choices does that tell us if a specific topic or action is true, correct and most importantly "good, and healthy" for us to undertake?

The original questionener is obviously not "clear" in her own mind about something....something I would venture is very important to know. There are methods available to find out if something is toxic, but they take investigation, my suggestion is to take time to investigate your concern, and suspend the specific activity until you have your answer.

Freya369 • Jan 6, 2019

And ...one more thing...I think you mean others "insinuated" that your Dom was getting pleasure out of sharing you. Can there be any doubt about it? Otherwise, why would he do it? The big question is are you?

Shannon Lee​(sub female){Owned} • Jan 6, 2019

Yes, it was discussed before hand, we both like to share and be shared. Im not looking for frieinds to reassure myself that its okay to be so open sexually, im looking for friends i can relate to and share in similar activities. I meant exactly what I said, some people have straight up dissed my Dom for liking to share. There's no doubt that he gets pleasure from sharing. I've always been submissive and curious about bdsm and a kinky lifestyle period. I'm just now exploring this world, "which I absolutely am enjoying every aspect", I know who I am and what my likes, wants, and needs are. I'm trying to learn all the different terminologies, proper etiquette, senarious, dos and donts of situations. I don't want to learn the wrong things from the wrong people but being new, and privately speaking to people puts me in a vulnerable position. I would love to know what other doms, subs, switches, exhibitionist, ect think and feel about different topics. I'm trying to expand my knowledge and experiences. Thank you ladies, I hope this helps you to understand me a little better.

ropefish • Jan 6, 2019

Being shared is something I have fantasized about for a long time. Almost all of my partners in life, both in and out of kink, have developed jealousy over me, and it always makes me miserable.

Everyone in my life provides a different sort of fulfillment. I have a different relationship with each of them, and I do not see new connections and relationships as replacements for old ones. I can have more than one friend, and I do not view kink or romantic relationships any differently.

I also think that jealousy often stems from insecurity. If you are truly confident in yourself and in the relationship, and if you really genuinely *trust* your partner, then why would you need to be jealous? I don't cheat. Everything I do, I do openly and with consent from all parties. And again, I do not intend to replace the people I care about just because I've met someone new. I understand some people just genuinely want someone to be exclusively theirs, but this is not the only way to have a relationship.

You are very lucky to have found someone who feels the same way you do about sharing. I can only hope that someday I get as lucky.

Also, you use the word polygamy for your relationship? Just curious, since I'm so used to using the term polyamory instead.

Freya369 • Jan 6, 2019

You have definitely been clearer here. The original question, to my mind was not clear. Which is why I answered the way I did. In the BDSM realm you will always come across varying opinions, as in every other realm. However, you will always be in the position of having to come to your own conclusions and live the consequences.

If those conclusions are predicated on your experience of pleasure, then you will always resonate with people who agree that "you" as an individual have a right to experience "anything" that gives you pleasure and/or profit, because as we know priofit gives us pleasure also. Of course, taken to its logical conclusion, then "anything" is permissible if it gives one pleasure, however we know that this in not true. Although, I know there are child slave traders in Thailand who would disagree.

The more important question, for me anyway, is what is toxicity, how do we know if something/someone is toxic and should we be involved in toxic activity, even if it gives pleasure.

You see what happens...when one has too much time on one's hands!

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 6, 2019

They arent living your relationship- you are.

Fuck them.