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A Struggling Dom

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WhiteRoses​(sub female)
8 months ago • Wed 09 Jan 2019 02:25:58 AM IST
WhiteRoses​(sub female) • Wed 09 Jan 2019 02:25:58 AM IST
Because you are asking for opinions I will give you mine. Age doesn't play an important role for me nor actually would experience. For me it is about the connection and how well two people fit together.

I also think there is a match for everyone but as my Sir recently told me you can't just go to the store and pick one out. Anything worth while is a journey and worth putting in the effort.

No matter what the options of the majority of the population are, all it takes is one to say, well I think you are perfect for me.

Be who you are and that one will find you.
Fyglia Wicked​(dom female)
8 months ago • Wed 09 Jan 2019 09:40:43 PM IST
Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Wed 09 Jan 2019 09:40:43 PM IST
2 words come to mind after reading your profile Red flag
Getting a submissive to submit to you takes
TRUST, RESPECT and Honesty and how can you earn any of those being in a monogamous relationship and have a newborn?
Misanthrope
8 months ago • Wed 09 Jan 2019 10:12:12 PM IST
Misanthrope • Wed 09 Jan 2019 10:12:12 PM IST
Dom con, just to set your mind at ease, we're all judging you, not just the dominants among us... Sorry, I couldn't help myself, I was having a Four Weddings and a Funeral flashback.

As far as age is concerned, I sometimes have to smile to myself when someone in their late teens or early twenties tells me they are a dom. I remember back in time to my twenties and all the desire, and the incredible testosterone-fueled goals I set for myself, and wonder how I ever made it to be 30 without my partner removing my private parts. But then I have to check myself and remember that dominance or submission isn't a switch that can be turned on or off. It's built into our personalities from the earliest stages of our upbringing. As an extreme example, just look at a litter of puppies. There is always an "alpha" in the litter, as well as a "runt." Age doesn't mean anywhere near as much as maturity does.

So, don't feel that you need to apologize for being dominant and young. The problem comes when there is a lack of experience and one becomes dominant and foolish. You're dealing with the psyche of another individual on a much more intense level than if you were in a vanilla relationship. As someone pointed out above, your age isn't a red flag, it's having been in five relationships over the past six years. D/s or vanilla, that is a sign of immaturity. I would focus on your relationship-building skills rather than worrying about your age.
curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX}
8 months ago • Wed 09 Jan 2019 11:10:19 PM IST
curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Wed 09 Jan 2019 11:10:19 PM IST
Fyglia Wicked wrote:
2 words come to mind after reading your profile Red flag
Getting a submissive to submit to you takes
TRUST, RESPECT and Honesty and how can you earn any of those being in a monogamous relationship and have a newborn?

Okay, I know my views are sometimes controversial ... but that’s never stopped me before.

I disagree with this because there are some people in this lifestyle who want a non-romantic D/s relationship because their vanilla partners/spouses are uninterested. I’ve even spoken to Doms before who see D/s as separate and don’t like to mix the two, or just simply prefer causal. Some may also want to add in a third/fourth etc sub into their ‘family’ or just as a causal long-term addition. I (personallly) believe that being a Dominant/switch/submissive is an innate need that needs to be fulfilled, but we are still capable of loving those who are not interested in this lifestyle. As long as you are HONEST about your situation and intentions than as far as I’m concerned it’s each to their own. I do agree however that trust and repect are key in any D/s relationship and that these are formed from honesty and openness between those who are involved.

There are some people who look for a D/s dynamic behind their spouses back, and although I don’t personally agree with it, there are some who are in the same situation. I try not to judge people based on their personal circumstances, choices or kinks. As far as I’m concerned it’s none of my business. It may not be what I’m looking for but their situation will suit someone else out there. Perhaps someone who is only after something causual? Or someone who wants to learn before finding a long-term Dom partner. I also believe that this may explain why there has been 5 subs in the last 6 years. Casual or training doesn’t last much longer than a year. People grow and move on. It’s natural progression.

The bottom line is, the more complex your situation, or the more abnormal it is considered, unfortunately the smaller the margin is of those who will be interested. So patience is key in finding what you’re looking for. But these are just my personal opinions.
Dom Con​(dom male)
8 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:18:07 AM IST
Dom Con​(dom male) • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:18:07 AM IST
MissBonnie wrote:
The only person you need to prove how "dom~ly" you are to, is your submissive. No one else really matters (in the general plan of life) as long as what you are doing is SSC (or at least RACK) and more importantly consensual.
As for age, its a number to me. I've met 70 year olds that behave like children and 20 somethings that have told me to grow up! Again your age is only reliant to those that it matters to.

if being the popular, well known Dom is important to you...then make yourself so! The community is open to those who want teach others or campaign for us to seen in a good light.

if your looking for subs, look in the right places, with realistic expectations and be open and honest with those around you. Enjoy the process of looking/dating/playing/trying. Sometimes Dom/mes or subs that are desperate for ownership, tend to focus to much on being alone and all another sees in them is "desperate" ..Desperate isn't an attractive or good trait. Just enjoy the company of others and be comfortable in your skin, the rest will follow if its meant to.


Hi MissBonnie, firstly thank you for taking the time to read my post and I take much value in your words.
I have always held this community in the highest of regards and you are one of those reasons, with what you have written.
I do take the most stringent of care when interacting with any sub and all have been amazing fun and safe times with each.
I thank you being a young Dom in acknowledging me with such consideration and it is an amazing feeling.
All you have written I already practice and will continue to do so.
Your message gives me hope and I thank you for that.

Sincerely,
Dom Con
Dom Con​(dom male)
8 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:20:57 AM IST
Dom Con​(dom male) • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:20:57 AM IST
Kara wrote:
Honestly, you would be a no to me because of your age. Many submissive women my age look for a man who would also fit into their vanilla life, which usually precludes an age gap. Maybe if I were 18, but not at 37.


Hi Kara,
Firstly thank you for taking the time to read my post it is greatly appreciated.
And mostly thank you for your honesty above all else, and I can fully appreciate your reasoning.
This is what I was looking for different opinions and views, honest views, and you have provided that, so for that I am thankful.

Sincerely,
Dom Con
Dom Con​(dom male)
8 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:24:33 AM IST
Dom Con​(dom male) • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:24:33 AM IST
BelladonnaLove wrote:
Personally, i know i like someone older then me and because im newer i need someone with some experience. Seeing as how you have 8 years experience, i dont believe with be a problem for most. Beyond that im unsure.


Hi BellaDonnaLove,
Firstly thank you for taking the time to read my post it is most appreciated.
And another thank you for sharing not only your thoughts and feelings about this subject but your honesty with it as well.
As mentioned earlier I completely understand and appreciate your reasoning, and find it comforting.

Sincerely,
Dom Con
Dom Con​(dom male)
8 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:32:15 AM IST
Dom Con​(dom male) • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:32:15 AM IST
Bunnie wrote:
Hi @ Dom Con, in all honesty... what stood out to me the most here, is 5 subs in 6 years. Something in that suggests to me that there is an instability within whatever you have happening in your dynamic. Before I get jumped on for judging... this is not a personal attack, as I don’t know you... I’m merely going by what I’ve read above. I point this out because sometimes we can be looking at one thing... and that’s entirely not the problem at all. I don’t think age matters tbh... you’ll always find someone with a preference that matches that of yours in regards to things like that. I’d be looking more at things like stability, consistency, availability... sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate. Are you being realistic about what you can have and offer at the moment? These are the areas I would suggest looking at. Hopefully that might help icon_smile.gif


Hi Bunnie,
Firstly thank you for taking the time to read my post it is most appreciated.
Next thank you for being so honest, regarding my dynamics my 5 previous subs 2 were relationship interaction (a couple and myself included) and 3 separate one on one D/s relationships, while some may have been short lived all where meaningful and secure, each individual relationship had it's own unique dynamic but had their own personal situations, without going into too much detail on couple went on to swing as they found the D/s relationship wasn't for them and another due to location changes due to personal reasons and career also, but I can appreciate what you are saying.
And I will most certainly reflect on realistic goals and so on, I like to be a very practical person, but this is exactly why I posted this subject as I love learning from and talking to others to get their unique and personal views on a subject, to see things from as many different points of view as possible, and thank you for sharing yours, it honestly means a great deal.
I value what you have written a great deal, and also no personal attack at all icon_smile.gif
Sincerely,
Dom Con
Dom Con​(dom male)
8 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:36:24 AM IST
Dom Con​(dom male) • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:36:24 AM IST
Shannon Lee wrote:
Age is not a factor for me. Maturity, respect, emotional and financial stability, honesty, communication, knowledge, and consistency, ect is more important to me.
Being a Dom is a lot of responsibility.


Hi Shannon Lee,
Firstly thank you for taking the time to read my post it is greatly appreciated.

Mostly thank you for your honesty and personal thoughts on this matter and couldn't agree more.
In all aspects I try to ensure I bring the highest level of maturity, respect and emotional / financial stability as possible, with the rest following in a equal measures.
I find your answer extremely mature and helps to flesh out some of the most important parts of the D/s relationship and dynamic, and as mentioned earlier this is exactly why I posted this subject as I wanted as many views and outlooks as possible to see things from all sides and gather as much perspective as possible.
I thank you very much for your message.

Sincerely,
Dom Con
Dom Con​(dom male)
8 months ago • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:55:49 AM IST
Dom Con​(dom male) • Thu 10 Jan 2019 04:55:49 AM IST
CrazySexyCool wrote:
One of the best Doms i've met and most fun, was very young. But he was so natural at it and humble and eager to learn, yet strong and knew what he wanted and went from there.

I would never have given someone his age the time of day, but there was something about his presence his confidence, his ability to bring the good out that won me over at the time.

This was awhile ago. And you know what? We remained friends because respect was always there on both ends.

So I learned a lesson, age can certainly be just a number.

I've learned this with older Doms too.

Isn't it about who we are and how we connect and being true to oneself?

At least that is what i'm striving for.

However im much better at giving advice than taking it.
When you find your submissive, don't worry about what others think.
Surround yourself with those that support.


Hi CrazySexyCool,
Firstly thank you for reading my post, it is greatly appreciated.

Secondly, thank you for sharing such detailed moments of your D/s life and experience, it was amazing to read such transparency and openness.
I appreciate so much your insight and actual first hand knowledge of this particular situation, I myself have only have subs which have been older than myself so can fully appreciate this, on the same level.
I have and do take a lot of what you have said to heart and it means a great deal to me having read it, so again thank you for providing this outlook and experience.
I wish you all the very best moving forward.

Sincerely,
Dom Con