A Struggling Dom

Dom Con​(dom male) • Jan 10, 2019

Hi MissBonnie, firstly thank you for taking the time to read my post and I take much value in your words.
I have always held this community in the highest of regards and you are one of those reasons, with what you have written.
I do take the most stringent of care when interacting with any sub and all have been amazing fun and safe times with each.
I thank you being a young Dom in acknowledging me with such consideration and it is an amazing feeling.
All you have written I already practice and will continue to do so.
Your message gives me hope and I thank you for that.

Sincerely,
Dom Con

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Jan 9, 2019

Okay, I know my views are sometimes controversial ... but that’s never stopped me before.

I disagree with this because there are some people in this lifestyle who want a non-romantic D/s relationship because their vanilla partners/spouses are uninterested. I’ve even spoken to Doms before who see D/s as separate and don’t like to mix the two, or just simply prefer causal. Some may also want to add in a third/fourth etc sub into their ‘family’ or just as a causal long-term addition. I (personallly) believe that being a Dominant/switch/submissive is an innate need that needs to be fulfilled, but we are still capable of loving those who are not interested in this lifestyle. As long as you are HONEST about your situation and intentions than as far as I’m concerned it’s each to their own. I do agree however that trust and repect are key in any D/s relationship and that these are formed from honesty and openness between those who are involved.

There are some people who look for a D/s dynamic behind their spouses back, and although I don’t personally agree with it, there are some who are in the same situation. I try not to judge people based on their personal circumstances, choices or kinks. As far as I’m concerned it’s none of my business. It may not be what I’m looking for but their situation will suit someone else out there. Perhaps someone who is only after something causual? Or someone who wants to learn before finding a long-term Dom partner. I also believe that this may explain why there has been 5 subs in the last 6 years. Casual or training doesn’t last much longer than a year. People grow and move on. It’s natural progression.

The bottom line is, the more complex your situation, or the more abnormal it is considered, unfortunately the smaller the margin is of those who will be interested. So patience is key in finding what you’re looking for. But these are just my personal opinions.

Misanthrope • Jan 9, 2019

Dom con, just to set your mind at ease, we're all judging you, not just the dominants among us... Sorry, I couldn't help myself, I was having a Four Weddings and a Funeral flashback.

As far as age is concerned, I sometimes have to smile to myself when someone in their late teens or early twenties tells me they are a dom. I remember back in time to my twenties and all the desire, and the incredible testosterone-fueled goals I set for myself, and wonder how I ever made it to be 30 without my partner removing my private parts. But then I have to check myself and remember that dominance or submission isn't a switch that can be turned on or off. It's built into our personalities from the earliest stages of our upbringing. As an extreme example, just look at a litter of puppies. There is always an "alpha" in the litter, as well as a "runt." Age doesn't mean anywhere near as much as maturity does.

So, don't feel that you need to apologize for being dominant and young. The problem comes when there is a lack of experience and one becomes dominant and foolish. You're dealing with the psyche of another individual on a much more intense level than if you were in a vanilla relationship. As someone pointed out above, your age isn't a red flag, it's having been in five relationships over the past six years. D/s or vanilla, that is a sign of immaturity. I would focus on your relationship-building skills rather than worrying about your age.

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Jan 9, 2019

2 words come to mind after reading your profile Red flag
Getting a submissive to submit to you takes
TRUST, RESPECT and Honesty and how can you earn any of those being in a monogamous relationship and have a newborn?

WhiteRoses​(sub female) • Jan 9, 2019

Because you are asking for opinions I will give you mine. Age doesn't play an important role for me nor actually would experience. For me it is about the connection and how well two people fit together.

I also think there is a match for everyone but as my Sir recently told me you can't just go to the store and pick one out. Anything worth while is a journey and worth putting in the effort.

No matter what the options of the majority of the population are, all it takes is one to say, well I think you are perfect for me.

Be who you are and that one will find you.

Domokie​(dom male) • Jan 8, 2019

I normally don't reply to posts but this has caught my attention.
I'm 28 I've been active for 10 years now and studying and learning far before that. So in a way I'm in your shoes dom con.
You can find subs the question is are they what your after? Are your expectations to high? Are you not looking in the right areas?
I can tell you from personal experince profiles play a big part. If your looking for a sub and say your in a committed relationship most will look you by as they assume your either after poly or or cheating. So my advice go change your profile about relationships to reflect the truth. If your in a committed relationship then you need to be clear on the profile if it's a open or if your cheating.
If your cheating it will be hard to find a sub due to most not being ok with it. If that's the case you need to sit down and decide what your next path is.
Now in my case age means little what matters to me is skill and ability. I ignore those who don't have the ability or skill they claim.
So take what I say with a grain of salt but take it to heart as well.

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Jan 8, 2019

I agree with MasterBear! This is your personal journey and it doesn’t matter what others think, as long as what you’re doing is consensual and done safely.

Everyone has a personal preference with age, just like with all physical traits. Some prefer older (which could still be you for those <26) and some prefer younger. Some love curves and some want athletic builds. Some prefer short and some tall etc etc.
Then there are those who care less about the physical traits and prefer to know the person, putting higher preferences on mental connections. You can’t please everyone, so try not to worry about those who think your age is a negative thing. That’s their intake and not the opinion of everyone.

I know you’re a great and genuine guy from the conversations we’ve had, and I know you take this lifestyle very seriously. In my view, I think the only reason you may be struggling to find a sub on cage is because:

1) There isn’t many from the UK on here, so unless you want an online or long distance relationship, it kinda limits your options.
2) From conversations I’ve had with subs on here, many want to combine a romantic relationship with D/s. If this isn’t something you are after, it again limits your appeal to those who do.
3) There seems to be a high number of subs who have no/little experience of BDSM and want to learn from someone with years and years of experience. This can only come from those older than yourself and so in this situation, they may exclude you based on age.

My advice would be to broaden your horizons and be patient. Like I said, you’re a great guy and I know the perfect sub/muse is out there for you! Good luck x

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 8, 2019

I judge all the time.
What I let come out my mouth is a different matter.

I tend not to care about the age unless they say they are 22 with 10 years experience. Then I just move on.


I always go back to the eternally wise Leslie Jordan:

REPEAT AFTER ME

"What they think about me is none of my business".



Do you feel like a D type?
Do you feel like you are playing dress up?

If so work on those things.

But if not dont let others try and convince you that you are.




"WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS"

sweet november​(sub female) • Jan 8, 2019

One of the best Doms i've met and most fun, was very young. But he was so natural at it and humble and eager to learn, yet strong and knew what he wanted and went from there.

I would never have given someone his age the time of day, but there was something about his presence his confidence, his ability to bring the good out that won me over at the time.

This was awhile ago. And you know what? We remained friends because respect was always there on both ends.

So I learned a lesson, age can certainly be just a number.

I've learned this with older Doms too.

Isn't it about who we are and how we connect and being true to oneself?

At least that is what i'm striving for.

However im much better at giving advice than taking it.
When you find your submissive, don't worry about what others think.
Surround yourself with those that support.

Shannon Lee​(sub female){Owned} • Jan 8, 2019

Age is not a factor for me. Maturity, respect, emotional and financial stability, honesty, communication, knowledge, and consistency, ect is more important to me.
Being a Dom is a lot of responsibility.