D/S relationship in public places

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 20, 2019

@MasterBear

If being 'out' in public is forcing muggles to watch, take part in kink, that should be done in private or safe spaces where others consent to the principle of kink being practiced there, then that in my view shows no respect for non kinksters, forces 'kink' on them and is extremely disrespectful and rude. Taking part in kink, a scene requires the consent of all involved and if people in day to day life are not given that option, which they would not be then that violates the principles of consent.

This by the way has nothing to do with gender, or sexual orientation as I believe that all have a right to hold hands, kiss, be affectionate etc, all the things that happens day to day naturally, but practicing kink in the open, forcing it down the throats of those who do not consent to taking part/seeing it with no respect or consideration for others, is a very different matter all together.

Asteria​(neither female) • Feb 20, 2019

I think kink in public is a bit like cigarettes.

It's all fine and OK as long as we don't force other people to breathe in that smoke they don't really want to breathe.

Miki • Feb 20, 2019

There are boundaries that one ought to respect in public. The wearing of clothing that reveals one's roles is one thing, but masturbating in a restaurant as you mentioned, hypothetically of course, That's too far, kink or vanilla. People are eating. A dude spanking the bishop, even under a table, can't be more obvious.

If the wrong person were to see this and reports the dude whose pulling his meat , he's looking at "open and gross lewdness" charges at most, a sexual offense which may or may not carry the aftermath of having to register as a sex offender.

Bad idea.

Some things are better left in the privacy of the home or at least an environment such as a dimly-lit club, one filled with like-minded people. Of course that's a different story. To wit, I'm not only a masochist, I'm an exhibitionist and I've lifted my skirt and gotten boinked in out of the way corners of these clubs quite a few times. People have seen it but one has to consider the environment. It's accepted, even expected in some places yet public enough where I got off quite intensely.

As for other aspects of "showing who you are" with dom and sub behaviors, it depends on where you call home. Some areas go with the flow, others not really.

I think "In good taste" is a fair boundary. Let them see the nature of your lifestyle and they either shrug and ignore it or, as is the purpose of public displays of affection, they fill in the gaps with their imaginations. It's why I wear what I wear when out and about, after all.

EDIT - I neglected to mention all the above applies to gay or straight couples. Again, a matter of "in good taste".
EDIT 2- I just noticed that MasterBear pretty much already covered what I just wrote but I'm too short on time to edit my piece. All except the "muggles" bit. WTF is a "muggle"? (rhetorical-- I know it's a label pinned on those who don't fuck the way I do but I don't like labels unless I apply them to myself)

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 20, 2019

A muggle is a word used in Harry Potter for those not gifted with magic, I prefer it to vanilla in relation to those who are not kinky, over those who are.

sub4ALPHADOM​(sub male) • Feb 21, 2019

In public I stand 5 inches behind my DOM's right shoulder , trained to ignore his conversations. It's his time to shine as an outsrnding MASTER.. Sure people try to lure me in but Razor tells them to back off. I have a chance to think, but not of these needy peopLe. - THEN WITHOUT WARNING WE WALK AWAY not saying goodbye and talking to one another. THE MESSAGE, TRY HARDER, BE HONEST, WORK ON YOUR SELVES,

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 21, 2019

@Dollmaker

I agree. As was my earlier point.

So I'm not sure why your pointing me out.

Jizz comment has no gender.

However, as the OP talked about being jacked off under the table I thought it was important to point out that the "scene " doesnt end there.

Before you self righteously expound on your knowledge about consent.


You should know who your talking to.


Or at least have the decency to ask a question first.

I rarely get pissed about this kind of stuff.

But- in this community fucktards are playing on public floats in front of children, using leashes on collars at vanilla venued events, masturbating their s types at vanilla venues events, asserting their bdsm rights at swinger venues, and worse.


While the some of us that speak out get crucified for saying "Consent matters" .


I've been organizing events for over 11 years now. In real time. At real places. I have seen organizers get shut down time and again, loose venues, risk he venues licenses for bullshit that should have stayed in the bedroom.


Sucking each other off in a glass elevator, humping a traffic cone, telling the waitress she wants to be spanked (never mind her under age status), showing pics to shock the vanillas.


These PUBLIC actions have REAL TIME CONSEQUENCES.

INCLUDING one place being shut down completely.

Venues refusing to work with BDSM organizers - WHICH decreases availability of events overall.

So don't lecture me on the value of public consent.

Especially when I was agreeing with you in the first place.

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Feb 21, 2019

For me, I'm in agreement that kink should be kept to a minimum (for example I'm guilty of smacking my love's ass once here and there whole we're out, albeit discreetly and usually quickly so as to not make a scene), things that perhaps are more tame or vanilla, if you're going to do anything. But for the most part, there is no reason for kink to be played out in public.

Public absolutely does not mean concent. Just because I had to leave my house to go grocery shopping does not mean I suddenly concented to watching a train run on some girl while everyone fluffs each other up. Extreme example perhaps but it proves the point. My leaving my house doesnt mean I concent to /anything/. It means something outside of my house was needed or wanted so I'm going there.

You absolutely have to take others into account and act appropriately. Especially with our community... there is such a negative stigma already, if we want to show the community for the amazing place it is, being super forward with our kinks in public is not the way to go.

For D/s lifestyle aspects, which as someone else said, are separated from kink, for me at least, I dont see anything wrong with it. My love wears a collar 24/7 (except at work and one or two places, for others' sake), he continues to look to me for decisions, tries to encourage me to take the lead in conversations as I'm shy around people I dont know well so I falter there a little with leading. But none of that is shoving bedroom habits or even pur lifestyle in people's faces. Some dont even notice. Some do and ask questions, and open the floor for constructive discussions. Some are jerks but we just shrug them off Haha.

At the end of the day, nothing wrong with being more public about your lifestyle... just be mindful and leave kink at home, because truthfully, it's not necessary.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 21, 2019

My comment was not an attack, or a lecture, nor was I calling you out. I was focussing on the 'out' word in your post, in a general sense, that was all, nothing more, nothing less.

I am sorry you have taken this personally.

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Feb 21, 2019

This is a great topic. Just last night my Sir asked me to share some of my fantasies with him and as I named a few I realized I have exhibitionist traits that I would have denied having if asked (thinking I was answering honestly). That said, there is a difference in some of my most depraved fantasies and what we would actually do.

To the public eye we likely seem like a regular couple, although maybe a little more openly intimate or affectionate than most. If introducing him to others, I’d call him by his given name but if addressing him directly I’d call him Sir. Luckily for us, we live in the south so “Yes, Sir” doesn't draw a lot of unnecessary attention. As a gentleman Dom, he exhibits his dominance in ways like opening doors, leading the conversation, protective gestures, and just his overall stance and demeanor. While I naturally tend to follow, do the things that are expected without having to be asked, keep eyes more downcast unless being directly spoken to, etc.

As far as kink in public places, we both enjoy things with minimal to no risk of being caught; or if blatantly public would not be offensive (such as wearing a rope harness that is partially displayed when worn under a dress). I strongly agree that sexual acts of any sort require consent and the public does not consent to such simply by leaving the confines of their home.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 21, 2019

@Dollmaker



Thank you for that.

And I apologize as well for my over reaction.



Can you clarify for me what you mean by

You were commenting on my use of the word out?


I'm looking for a learning moment here.