Just curious

MsTaraDactyl • Feb 24, 2019

My workplace (and most others) have a strict sexual harassment policy. Talking about anything "bedroom related" is a big no-no.

BDSM DOM​(dom male) • Feb 24, 2019

Its a shame the BDSM community has to keep things secret. It is sad to see us judged on our life choices.

MsTaraDactyl • Feb 24, 2019

Would you tell your coworkers that you like your partner to wear high heels and stomp live crawfish while you're having sex?

I sure wouldn't. It's none of their business.

Just like your weight and shoe size aren't generally public info, why would your sexual proclivities be?

BDSM DOM​(dom male) • Feb 24, 2019

I never stated nor implied I would tell any one in public about my choices. I was just saying its a shame the community has to keep things behind closed doors. We shouldnt be judged for the lives we lead. Nothing more

ropefish • Feb 24, 2019

I feel like everyone is equating bdsm to sex and impact, which is funny to me because in most other contexts we jump to say that it's about the mental aspects before the physical ones. Just because vanilla people might equate bdsm to sex and pain doesn't mean we have to.

If I'm telling people I'm a submissive, I'm not necessarily telling them anything about my sex life. In fact in my case, half of my serious dynamics were completely asexual, anyway.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Feb 24, 2019

TL;DR: having a discreet dynamic and announcing said dynamic are two different things.

People are going to jump to conclusions if you call yourself a submissive. A Greek woman from the island of Lesbos would probably not very often announce to people that she’s a Lesbian because of the connotations in the mind of her hearers. Same with a Hamburger: citizen of the German city.

Dynamic has nothing to do with it. People see me defer to Master in public and think nothing of it. People see us being affectionate and hear me refer to him as “the boss.” Am I open about my being his adoring slave ? Yes, anyone who sees us in public can see a dynamic of mutual love and respect. Do I announce my slavery ? God no....it’s our private business why we do what people see.

ropefish • Feb 24, 2019

@Kara

Hmm. Interesting.

Of course if you or anyone *wants* it to be your own private business then that's perfectly fine. I personally don't though, as I'm very proud of who I am, and I think bdsm is so exciting and beautiful. And I'm not okay with not being able to express who I am out of fear that people will misunderstand.

I get that people don't understand what we do, and that there can be serious consequences to being mistaken for an abuser or a victim of abuse. However I kindof feel like the better response to that situation is to educate, not keep everything we do underground. Sometimes I feel like we almost reinforce the idea that we *are* doing something sinister lol.

The times are changing. 50 Shades of Grey introduced the concept of kink to the mainstream in a way that wasn't intimidating (hang on while I go throw up cause I think I just said something nice about 50 shades). And you can find very positive videos by mainstream media on youtube of people reporting on and trying out bdsm. *Youtube* for god's sake.
Bdsm is becoming a far more palatable concept for people. And I, ever the optimist lol, believe that with positive representation from us, we can continue down that path.

The last time I was owned, I told plenty of people about it, even people I didn't know all that well. They'd ask "Is that your boyfriend?", and I didn't feel like lying about it so I said "No, he's my owner." The reaction was surprise, confusion, and usually intrigue. They'd ask, I'd vaguely explain, and it was always fine. Another example, I actually came out to my wholesome christian mom that I was into kink, and her reaction was fear that I was being abused. I explained to her that bdsm does not equal abuse, and I compared that particular relationship with the concept of owning a dog. I was less than, I was obedient, but I was loved and cared for. And she appreciated my explanation and things are fine.

Now I know I'm lucky to have lots of understanding people around me. I know plenty of you don't have that, and there are certainly people that I *won't* be disclosing that particular detail of my life to. All I'm saying is I'm not going to treat my lifestyle like it's something to be ashamed of, and I'm going to do what I can to change the public opinion by trying to be a good representation of who we are.

Devil's damsel​(sub female){HandsomeDe} • Feb 24, 2019

Dominance and submission are not new concepts. In fact it was my strict Christian upbringing and adherence to Bible principles that molded me to be the submissive that I am, I just didn’t understand all it could be at the time. In many countries a woman is expected to walk behind her husband, or to sit silently until spoken to, etc. Just in the more “progressive” areas it’s considered demeaning and degrading to women and highly frowned upon. Societal differences really dictate how the news of someone being a submissive or a Dominant will be handled.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Feb 24, 2019

This. You have to explain. Putting things in terms people understand isn’t because of shame necessarily. It’s because you don’t want to take time out or give details about what you do. The Lesbian isn’t ashamed, but it’s just easier to say she’s Greek. Same for the Hamburger saying he’s German. They don’t have to explain because they use terms without preconceptions.

When I refer to Master as my boyfriend in public, it’s not denying our relationship. We’re not hiding anything that we’re doing. Talking about him in a vanilla sense to my manicurist or hairstylist isn’t because I am ashamed of being his slave but because it lacks relevance to the conversation.

Had a coworker if mine asked if that was a picture of my boyfriend, I would have smiled and told her yes. No explanation needed and conversation kept workplace appropriate. Situation would have been different if I had met her at a munch and she asked if he owned me.

SweetPinkKitten​(sub female) • Feb 24, 2019

It’s not exactly appropriate to talk about sex or your sex life to colleagues, they are not your friends, so why would you even mention kink, never mind BDSM. In UK, it too is illegal to take part in any impact play. Disclosing to colleagues is not advisable. Don’t go there.