A question for the Doms

Soulweaver​(dom male) • May 26, 2019

First off, let me begin by stating that I am sorry that you are hurting over this. Relationships of any type are difficult beasts, in any realm.

I cannot presume to know why your Dom is "pulling away" without personally knowing him. However, in my experience when these "gaps" happen, they can be caused by many reasons, but they can be terminal if not properly dealt with by both parties.

In my opinion, honesty is the way to approach this. Ask your Dom to open up to you and try to help him feel comfortable sharing the truth of the matter. You will also need to frankly and as calmly as is possible, explain your point of view.

If he is unable or unwilling to share, I think you must take that for what it's worth. I hope that you are able to communicate the issues to one another and to work it out. I also wish you the best in this matter and going forward.

thirstyharley​(dom male) • May 26, 2019

I have been guilty of this in the past. I feel shitty about it now. In your case, Im sure your dom has a good reason. I would suggest you demand transparency and honesty regarding what changes in his life have been leading him to grow cold and distant. Hopefully you haven’t already tried that.
Whatever it may be, I hope you and your dom may reconnect after your break.

Lord Ainsworth​(dom male) • Apr 30, 2019

I suggest talk to him not as the sub and Dom but tell him to talk to you as your friend. I believe at times we try to tip toe trying to find the words because of our titles in LS or not. So if you can approach like this be open and whatever is said should be not held against anyone. You may find answers. Hang in there don't give up; yet

Re: A question for the Doms

60rocker​(dom male) • Apr 29, 2019

PrimalSelf​(dom male) • Apr 28, 2019

Yeah, there definitely seems to be something fishy going on. Or perhaps just a breakdown in communication.

If he’s not communicating to you why all this is happening, then that’s poor form - and not fair for you.

Wiseonthree​(dom male) • Apr 15, 2019

So, I’m gonna be real honest with myself and with you. My previous ones (only two genuine opportunities of which I am not talking about) , the ones that did that...were not meant for me. It was a waste of my talents , and a waste of both of our times.

How do I say this, the disconnect usually happens when there is a communication breakdown. “It’s complicated” is not a fair accessment of the situation the two of you are in. If he is not feeling motivated or the drive or the desire to guide and instruct you then that is up to him to communicate. A shift in dynamic (a particularly stable and long term one) generally means second thoughts or disinterest.

It’s important that a Dom conmunicates to their subs and leaving any of them in the dark is basically the equivalent of plucking wings off of a fly.

I see two choices, FIGHT for it, or resign. Either way I do hope you gain positive closure from the situation.

Best of luck.

Vortexa​(dom female) • Apr 15, 2019

Yes I have experienced this (in a traditional relationship). If you feel like he is pulling away because of some internal struggle that has nothing to do with you, perhaps give him one more chance to open up to you. Certain people retreat into their own minds when life gets tough and push others away because they don't want to show weakness. But you can remind him that the ability to show all of his emotions is a sign of courage, not of weakness.

Freya369 • Apr 8, 2019

Firstly, you are owed an explanation, no matter the length of time of the relationship. I agree, that it is highly likely be has moved on...reprehensible and hurtful without dealing with it to your face. Count yourself lucky to find out sooner rather than later, and focus on finding a real Dom. All the best, F

Gliderseat • Apr 8, 2019

As a Dominant l find it reprehensible that he does not show you the respect you deserve. It’s important regardless of circumstances that you (sub) know the reasons behind the changes and if there is anything you can do to make it better. Not knowing or having that conversation is abuse and you as the submissive must do all within the guidelines of your dynamic to receive it. Open communication along with honesty and truthfulness is the foundation D/s is built on. If he continues to skirt over your request l guess you have your answer. Good luck.

MasterRenton​(dom male) • Apr 8, 2019

Just like with all types of relationships things change and outside factors can change how we feel and act. Normally with a strong bond the communication can work people past those disconnects. There are cases when that communication breaks down and the dynamic tends to become less and less important to one or all parties. This is not abnormal but also has a breaking point - a point of no return. Not knowing your situation it would be irresponsible of me to guess with the info given if you have hit that point.

My suggestions is to make a list of needs versus wants, then take that list and respectfully discuss those with your Dom. Get their input, respect it and work to build bridges. It is some work but after all of it is important - work is expected. If that yields no results and your needs (not wants) are still not met, it might be a good idea to have the life after discussion.

Hope this was useful