Female Dominatrix

Female Dominatrix

Scott fitzgersld • Apr 23, 2017

Are there any female Dominatrixes out there in need of a new submissive that aren't prostitutes?That are into the lifestyle.

Villanelle​(staff) • Apr 24, 2017

Yes there are. If you are looking for someone I suggest creating a personal ad stating what you have to offer and what you're looking for. Start with what you have to offer. No domme worth her salt is going to be interested in simply fulfilling all your fantasies. She wants to be the focus and will expect sincerity and devotion to her wants, needs, and desires.

Dommes who charge for play fall in to a couple of categories but I wouldn't consider "prostitute" to be one of them (nothing against sex workers). Most dommes who charge for their time are professional dominatrixes who offer a clearly stated number of services in exchange for compensation. These rarely include "sex" although they can be sexual or erotic in nature. There are other femdoms who play with money as part of a power exchange as in "financial domination". This also rarely includes "sex" per se, but rather uses money as a form of control.

Many female dominants (myself included) are in to female led relationships and power exchange within the context of a personal relationship. Money doesn't factor in to it although in many FLRs the female dominant has the final say in household finances.

Finally, like almost every aspect of the internet where people interact, people try to make a buck in the quickest and easiest way possible. I'm sure many of us have seen the trolls who want you to pay for special training or buy gifts /send money, etc. all in the name of domination (and even submission at times). It has nothing to do with D/s and shouldn't be confused with prodomination, financial domination, or female domination in general.

Novice​(masochist male) • May 17, 2017

may I share some of my experiences on a similar (yet inferior!) site, called Collarspace

There are 4 kinds of Dommes
- genuine, who are hardly ever there
- Dommes that want tributes, and probably never ever give anything in return (yes, my personal frustration, being scammed many times, way too naive)
- Dommes that want you to sign up to websites. I never found out why, do they get money from it? Some say "I own the site", such utter nonsense
- findommes, who make clear from the start they want money, or money, or money (etc)

here is a conversation I once had on the subject:

I am not at al interested in findom

but it is a sickness

there is hardly anyone that is interested in anything else

I tried it all, send Tributes, etc

it is all scam, believe me!

it makes me sad to see that BDSM has become a way of getting easy money

I am glad you have a job, I really do

what made you decide to step into the market of findom?

Johann

From:
misslola91



Dated:
8/3/15 7:58 PM

I do understand your perspective, Johann. And I respect that findom is not for you To a point, I do agree that it can be a sickness for people who dont know how to handle their urges. I try not to entertain those into blackmail or ruination, thats no fun. Especially if theres a family involved. (Also from a selfish standpoint, i cant afford legal action taken upon me if i siphon some poor losers bank account just because he gave me the means to do it). The sad thing is some here make it TOO easy. Hell, 2 nights ago I got a message and all it had was his name, credit card info and ssn, and a message saying "do your worst". THAT is a sick and dangerous game I will never partake in. Whether you care or not I'll just say that I only take joy in bossing men who are stable enough to serve me and dote on my little desires. I don't know, it's a rush to have the power to control someone through their bank account, make them work harder, jump through hoops, just to please me. To me it's the same as any other fetish, I still exert my power, only more through persuasion and less through whips. So I'll ask you, what led you to bdsm? And i wouldnt go so far to call findom a scam. In my eyes, the only way i would be scamming my slaves us if I didn't give them anything in return. I always give what they ask for (within reason), and that's anything from pics, videos, or just little skype dates. From a business stand point, were both giving each other a service. From a BDSM standpoint, we give each other the necessary companionship we'really both unable to find or be fulfilled by in regular society.


Miss Lola

so, I think you guessed already I am learning the hard way.

No, in that case, I visited a prodomme once, and that was honest. She was no prostitute, but an honest woman with a passion for Ds. She gave me a great time! pity I did not have the money for a weekly visit

Ezzagezza • May 31, 2017

My only concern is that there seems to be a considerable growing trend for women offering findom only and more and more that are jumping on the bandwagon just to make a quick buck by those who have no other interest in BDSM
I would imagine it would be very difficult to know who is genuine or not without getting ones hands burnt
I wonder if anyone has any suggestions on how to vet these people more clearly than most sites are going

Villanelle​(staff) • Jun 1, 2017

@ Ezzagezza - I've addressed this topic to a certain degree in a few threads but I'll expand on it more here. Fyi, I am a non switching dominant female who has practiced BDSM both online and off for well over a decade. I've also worked online for many years managing bdsm and femdom groups on a variety of platforms. Although my opinions are just that, I believe they are informed. Here goes...

Money can be a strong representation of power, depending on how one views it. Restricting access to money or otherwise controlling it can be a fun aspect of a D/s relationship. This is not exclusive to female dominants, men do it too. Like any other kink certain parameters should be in place before participating in this type of play, including:

-do both partners have the best interests of the other at heart, including their physical, mental, and yes, financial well being?
-do both partners care about their own well being enough to not put themselves in a dangerous situation?
-is there an existing D/s dynamic and is financial control just an aspect of it?

I could go on and on about potential red flags: demands for money immediately, not caring about who you are or how you feel, requirements for training fees, tributes, gifts, etc. before someone will even talk to you, and on and on. But if it seems too good to be true it probably is. Use your common sense and go slow. Examine any requirements without your D/s rose colored glasses on and ask if they are reasonable. Your dominant of a year plus demands you plan a birthday weekend away for his or her pleasure? Fine. Someone you have just met online expects you to spend money on him or her before they will even speak to you? Uhhhh...well if that's your thing fine. But it sounds like a scam to me.

Without exception, these trolls and scammers are my enemies and I will do everything within my power to fight them, particularly here on THE CAGE where I am an administrator. They misrepresent female dominants and my female dominant friends, who are ethical, intelligent and powerful individuals who are passionate about bdsm and sexual freedom. A bunch of lazy losers playing dressup for a quick buck has nothing to do with female domination. Don't let them fool you.

Small disclaimer: professional domination has nothing to do with these online scammers. Experienced pro dommes who share their talents and skills with subs and dommes alike are completely legit and are also often leaders and advocates in their communities. Don't get the two confused just because of the money aspect.

Novice​(masochist male) • Jun 1, 2017

Evangeline, a very good and clear reply.

I totally agree with your remark on pro-domme.

And I am 99,99% sure that all that are demanding money upfront, regardless of any relation or personal interest is a 200% scam.

I am ashamed to admit I have been incredibly stupid and naive.

And I encourage everybody to be terribly careful.

And about birthday presents, you will not believe how many happen to have their birthday next week. A coincidence, yes, sure. Like all the passed away relatives, recent slaves, etc, etc

The reertoire of scammers is beyond any imagination

word of praise: this site is just perfect, an oasis of honesty!

How rare are we?

LexiKfemme • Jun 2, 2017

I came here to try to find a likeminded fem dominatrix. I'd like to watch my male sub with another fem domme. I like the idea of a tag team scenario. I'm also voyeur. Is it really that rare to find female dominatrix who are genuinely into the lifestyle? I have only met pro dommes. I'm in the UK.

Villanelle​(staff) • Jun 3, 2017

@LexiKfemme - I don't think we're that rare actually although maybe some of us are lower profile because of trolls/scammers/stalkers, etc. And of course, not everyone wants to be 'out' or is poly. But hopefully we'll get people of all stripes here and you'll have some luck finding someone to harass your sub

LexiKfemme • Jun 3, 2017

Thank you Evangeline. x

Rodney • Jun 9, 2017

I have had the same experience trying to find a real life pro domme. I have been scammed more than once. I understand that a tribute is to be made to ensure the trust and bond between a sub and domme. However everytime I have trusted and made a tribute I ever hear from them again. I have gotten to the point of giving up my search for a real life pro domme. It's a shame there aren't more honest people and not trolls to scam your hard earned money.