Asteria(neither female)
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4 years ago •
Apr 24, 2019
Anything that is done "subconsciously" does not seem to be... consensual or ethical. It cannot be - in my opinion - foundation of something new.
@ MstrMC - you wrote that you love your life and love your wife. I think this is really important thing that cannot be overlooked. Cheating and hurting your wife (and probably yourself as well) is not a solution. What you should keep in mind, and maybe show your wife slowly and carefully is that BDSM and kink have many shades. It does not need to be extreme. You can start with things that are subtle, and see how she responds. Give her time to process everything in her head. Create safe environment for you two to talk about this delicate subject. Not everyone needs to jump into 24/7 M/s in one second. |
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Online now
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Asteria(neither female)
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4 years ago •
Apr 24, 2019
Capn Rick wrote: I'm a bit surprised that no one yet has suggested the route that a lot of people in the Cage have accepted as theri safety valve, or a way to enjoy some of what they desire, at least in their minds....'some is better than none,' in other words.
Of course I refer to online D/s. Not easily mastered, and not as intensely wonderful as in person can be...but you would not be the first married kinkster, of either the D or s stripe to find surprisingly strong connections in the online world, with far less endangerment than in person cheating. Just a thought on a commonly accepted compromise. Commonly accepted? I think I wouldn't go that far... |
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CapnRick(dom male)
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4 years ago •
Apr 24, 2019
I'm a bit surprised that no one yet has suggested the route that a lot of people in the Cage have accepted as theri safety valve, or a way to enjoy some of what they desire, at least in their minds....'some is better than none,' in other words.
Of course I refer to online D/s. Not easily mastered, and not as intensely wonderful as in person can be...but you would not be the first married kinkster, of either the D or s stripe to find surprisingly strong connections in the online world, with far less endangerment than in person cheating. Just a thought on a commonly accepted compromise. |
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Lizzie114(sub female)
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4 years ago •
Apr 24, 2019
I'm going to sound jaded here, but I've heard this same statement made about - bisexuality, swinging, and polyamory. You can't "talk" anyone into something they're not into. It doesn't have anything at all to do with being close-minded, it has to do with whether you married someone interested in kink. My ex husband was into swinging. While it wasn't really my deal, I participated a couple of times, and then said no.
Your wife, if she isn't kink-minded, is not going to enjoy it. In other words, YOU will be the only one getting something out of it if she doesn't want to participate. That isn't what a marriage is, and that isn't what a D/s relationship is. Safe, Sane, Consensual, with a huge emphasis on consensual, not "got her talked into it" and not "this is what I want, she'll go along". Sorry, but your marriage isn't a good candidate for any type of BDSM relationship, D/s included, if you have to convince her she should participate. |
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Wiseonthree(dom male)
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4 years ago •
Apr 24, 2019
My mentor and I have discussed this a lot, it’s important to feel out the water first.
Jumping in head first will cause questions, at times very awkward ones that are hard to answer. Being a submissive is a totally different thing than listening indefinitely to everything you say. And bdsm for one dynamic is different than another. A very good ice breaking article can be found on the internet, it’s on the topic of “how is it fair...” that a submissive submits. It’s very detailed in that a submissive only brings into the dynamic what they have a need/desire to do so. If the submissive is fully in control of how they tie their shoes, they won’t bring that to the Dom at all. It goes so far as to compare D/s to Driver/passenger. Ultimately ; your wife has to get something out of it too...otherwise it’s a one-sided shit show where she is just roleplaying a submissive. Goood luck, it’s a hard fought battle that is difficult to bring up to close minded individuals. |
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Azzabackam(switch male){PawPawGirl}
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4 years ago •
Apr 24, 2019
>into the lifestyle
>married someone who isn't You dumb fam. |
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MasterBear(other butch)
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4 years ago •
Apr 22, 2019
The same way that she can "subconsciously " get you to not want it...
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Miki
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4 years ago •
Apr 22, 2019
Yeah, it is a personal choice that can only be made by everyone for themselves. Another real neat trick I hear about from too many male friends, coworkers, and acquaintances than I can count-- if there's a way to convince a wife to not become a "domme" as the marriage wears on--- Anyone who can pull that one off stands to be embarrassingly rich 'cuz it's not the fun kind of "domme" they're talking about.
As I write elsewhere, I'm a feminist's nightmare so with that in mind.. "Fella, watch your wallet!" 
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MstrMC(sadist male)
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4 years ago •
Apr 22, 2019
Perfect everyone on the same page. It brings a smile to my face. It's a shame there is no way to convince her but it's ok that's my cross to bare. Thank you all
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EvelynNyte(switch trans woman)
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4 years ago •
Apr 22, 2019
There's no way to "subconsciously" make your wife something she is not. Trying to do so would be unethical and abuse. The whole point of BDSM, which separates it from abuse, is that it's done with the full enthusiastic consent of all parties.
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