Collars

Collars

HGB​(sub female){Scottish M} • Apr 23, 2019

I looked and didn't see anything, so going to ask. What are people's views on collating? I'm sure I will hear about everything under the sun from each extreme. Yet I've looked and haven't seen much variation. And I'm not talking about those who play games or don't take D/s serious. Yet "I" believe there are different viewpoints and would like to hear them all.

Something Different​(dom male) • Apr 23, 2019

I believe there are so many instadoms that use the term to lure unknowing submissives into a world of make believe. A collar is earned and generally is the highest level a submissive can earn. The new age BDSM group has changed the importance of this honor. I have watched so many women fresh to the Cage a few weeks or even months have the title collard and then within a few weeks later dismissed and bitter cause some instadom ghosted on her. How do you earn a collar after a few nude sessions, masterbation vids and a verbal submission? I understand that a lot of this is online but the collars are being given out like candy at Holloween. Women are hunting for the Collar like it’s the Da Vinci Code. I wish the collar would go back to it’s real meaning and to be given by a responsible Dom who has real intentions of keeping and training a submissive for a real BDSM lifestyle. Stop using it as a lure to get more of what you want on a temporary basis. I know most of the Doms will chime in with what it means to them but it’s not a charm or trinket that should be taken lightly and I am not suggesting that all Doms use it incorrectly but it is the highest honor that a submissive can achieve.

HGB​(sub female){Scottish M} • Apr 23, 2019

Thank you. I'm also curious if those from others countries see things different.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Apr 23, 2019

Hgg.

Im not sure how others see a collar, or the being collared. But i can agree i am tired of seeing ppl being here only weeks and for that matter days and all a sudden being collared only to be ghosted or finding out that they dont work because there wasnt any real time getting to know each other. For that matter i wonder wat ppl are thinking when they video play / self pleasure before really knowing someone or being collared already.

To me being COLLARED is as important as wedding rings. And for anyone who is interested yes my WOLFand i live together and i am not collared in the sense of actual physical item. But i am collared in a different way. My heart is collared for i am his and he is mine. And even though we have no rings either . All that know us in the vanilla world for the most part think of him as my husband and me of his wife.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Apr 23, 2019

I view a collar the same as a wedding ring.

My love went through 3 years of training before I locked her collar.


I know people who collar right away. To me that makes no sense.

To me a collar is a sign of trust and commitment that needs to be earned.


Just like a wedding ring.

Hammurabi​(dom male) • Apr 23, 2019

personally i think the wedding ring is there for a reason. it serves its function. a collar is different, to me a collar means you belong to me now and you're under my protection, but more importantly you're are Exclusively mine. just like when you get in a vanilla relationship and after a couple weeks you have the talk and become exclusive. except in this scenario its in our kinky way it means more than what it does in the vanilla lifestyle.

as (hisgoodgirl72) mentioned. we might be the two extremes

Wiseonthree​(dom male) • Apr 23, 2019

Physical accessories are a bit different than the act of collaring.

My mentor and I have discussed this, and IT IS A HUGE DEAL for any dynamic to get it that point.

People can buy their own chokers/collars and belong to no one.

But specifically using a collar and stating in some sort of ritualistic fashion “you put this on you belong to me” is VERY much like a proposal. It’s not something you should take likely, I’ve known “symbols of claim” to be in so many different forms.

Brands, tats, piercings, rings, collars: to name a few.

Some submissive have very specific reasons as to why they choose ankle bracelets and the like, as opposed to collars.

I know it seems up and down, but the whole thing is: Bdsm is what you and your partner gets out of it. “Collaring” is a huge deal, it comes in many shapes and forms. When in doubt it sounds like “collaring” to you, you speak up and you be very honest with your dom.

EvelynNyte​(switch trans woman) • Apr 23, 2019

I personally take being collared very seriously, and it's a red flag to me if someone wants to jump to it. However, I think it's pretty silly to harkon back to a time when everyone took them seriously and the kids these days grr. There was never such a time when polite society dictated what collars meant to various people with an iron fist, and there is no innate natural trait that dictates such importance beyond what you personally put in it.

HGB​(sub female){Scottish M} • Apr 23, 2019

I do thank everyone for there viewpoints, I'm so wanting more views especially from around the world. I hate to assume that is why I have asked. It appears to me those in the U.S. see it differently. Only one kind. I've heard of other kinds from outside the U.S.. I also know how difficult it can be to share your opinion in fear of backlash so if that's you please feel free to message me privately.

Lexxa​(sub female) • Apr 24, 2019

Disclaimer, I’m a complete newbie but one who loves to learn and read. Here’s just sort of what I’ve gathered so far.

In my reading, research and talking with others there seem to be many viewpoints when it comes to collaring. For the most part, a majority of those I’ve met and spoken with view it as being a high honor and an important symbol. That said, there also seem to be many variances out there and different types of collars. Some that are new to this (like myself) may have misconceptions about collars if they haven’t put in the research. I can’t speak for others so this is really only a guess on my part and could be completely wrong, but, I could see where someone who is new and very eager to jump in head first could initially think that being collared just means that they have an established relationship. Again, this is just me going off of evidence I’ve seen since I’ve started learning and observing. I haven’t personally shared that viewpoint so I may be completely off but just something I’ve noticed in passing.

There are also those that do wear fashion collars as an accessory and not necessarily as a symbol of anything in particular. I myself have a fashion collar that I do enjoy wearing during scenes. I like the feel of it and it helps me further get into the headspace to perform my best for the scene. I’m not personally collared and have never been collared so I can’t speak to that experience at all. Perhaps other subs that have been collared will chime in as well with their views and experiences. I know Alawey shared some great feedback above.

Long story short, general consensus I’ve encountered is that most view collars as a powerful and important symbol. Variances do exist and ultimately the meaning of said collar relies on how it’s viewed between the one giving and one receiving the collar.