Online vs in the flesh

Online vs in the flesh

notsounsureanymore​(sub female) • Apr 30, 2019

Interested to hear peoples thoughts and views on this.
I have previously done both online and in the flesh, I’m now in a position where because I’ve had the in the flesh, I don’t know if online would be enough for me but I also don’t know that where I am in life right now that a real life dynamic would be suitable.

For those that do online, is it enough, does it satisfy the craving that you have? That burning need?

Genuinely interested, I don’t feel there is a right or wrong answer and I certainly don’t want to judge others choices, just hoping to get some opinions from people as to how they make it work.

Thanks for reading ?

Riggx • Apr 30, 2019

Me personally I can’t do an online dynamic. Have been in this lifestyle for over 12 years. And I’ve had both but after real life 24/7 dynamic is personally the only way I can go.

NCarraway​(dom male) • Apr 30, 2019

Interesting question miss 'more, and one that I have been grappling with myself.

I have also done both and have always craved the emotional psychological intensity of the online experience; I have yet to transfer that intensity into the real life dynamic as effectively as I would want. I think for me I would say that I love both for different reasons: on the one hand the physicality of the real-flesh dynamic, but also the intensity of the online 24/7. When i find a real-flesh dynamic that meets all my requirements then that will certainly be enough.

In terms of whether you can switch between the two (one after the other), I would say definitely you can if they scratch two different itches (as they currently do in my case). If for you they both scratch the same itch, but one imperfectly then it might not be so simple.

Maybe a way to answer this is to ask yourself:
What is it you seek from an online relationship and how does that differ from what you seek from a physical relationship?

Shiro​(sub female) • Apr 30, 2019

I would answer this by saying, when you find a genuine person, there is no difference between online and in the flesh.

I found my Daddy online and we fell in love online. Getting to be with him in the flesh was an anticipation and a bonus!

To answer the big picture question, I would say it depends on what your expectations are for the relationship. Do you plan on getting serious? Is it just play?

Online is certainly it's own monster, and sometimes dangerous to the naive, but don't let yourself pass up what could be your soulmate just because of what someone else thinks.

Hope this perspective helps.

Miki • May 1, 2019

This question seems to appear often in here. Speaking for myself online would never work. The simple difference for me is online I would always be free to stop, disconnect and move on to other things. In the flesh being tied up and stuff, there is no such option. being tied up and vulnerable is key to getting off for me. That and I relish being simply a sex object. Can't quite get the same vibe in front of a cam or keyboard.

But that's just me.

Regis​(sadist male) • May 1, 2019

In the flesh vs online huh? I personally don't have a preference, I'm a simple man. So long as you're straight with me as to who you are, what you are, and what you want to be, I'm down. Personality and quirks are great anchors for me, and even though it's not not COMPLETELY necessary, it'd be MUCH easier for me to figure out things like gift preferences, preferred behaviors (I say this as in spooning, play wrestling, whatever it can be), and everything that comes along with knowing what my partner looks like..Hope that doesn't come across as superficial, I genuinely don't judge by looks or anything, but you can tell a lot about a person simply by who they present themselves you know? And in doing so you can reciprocate and find the best way to click with them. I also don't need physical intimacy like sex to be satisfied so again, pretty open about online relationships. I guess the hardest things to work around is figuring out how your dynamic would work if you were actually around the person all the time physically (vs a few hours of video call) and time zones lol. Otherwise do what you want so long as it's happy for both sides.

EDIT: In case I wasn't clear in my stance on the original question, just online is fine with me as long as I can have a voice/video call with that person. As for cravings... well, from a dom's standpoint, one can always carry everything out in call still and well we have things like masturbation lol

redcutie​(dom trans woman) • May 1, 2019

Both has it advantages and challenges. Online is usually easier and more comfortable to do. It can feel much safer and easier to start than building up he courage to do the same in the flesh. If things don’t go as expected you can quickly pull back which isnt as easily done in the flesh. Often online is great trying something new you thought about but feels too daring to do in flesh.

On the other side in the flesh is often much more intense and the dom often have more control over the submissive. Punishments and tasks are usually more easy to enforce. It provides the closeness and touch that is so much missed in online play. Many practices are really hard to convert into online play. I mean a sub can spank or flog herself to some extend but it’s only a shadow existence compared to the face to face experience.

I think there vs question doesnt really work here. For me online and in the flesh are just too different to be compared. It also depends highly on what you do. Some plays are just easier to be online, video or even text than in the flesh. Others are pretty hard to do online and are much better face to face. Its a different dynamic with its own rules and can’t be easily compared to unless you asking what is better suited for a certain bdsm activity.

HGB​(sub female){Scottish M} • May 2, 2019

My real life experience is a) very old and b) abusive. I've done online and love it, it worked for me, to the extent that he wanted me to find someone better. Irl would be great if i could find someone. I have had no luck, not much luck online either. I say to each there own.

notsounsureanymore​(sub female) • May 2, 2019

Thanks for all your comments! It was really interesting to get others views on it! Much appreciated x

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • May 2, 2019

I can see why people can only do in the flesh, but for me, I'd be more than happy to have a healthy long-distance relationship.