Is it probable

Miki • May 19, 2019

Yes be honest.

Depending on how he feels, a kink fling with no emo attached can spice up a marriage or committed relationship.

"Swingers" , as they used to be called, do that all the time. They claim it keeps things spicy between them.. Having someone to slake your desire for twisted & kinky when the hubby or bride (wherever the case may be) isn't into being a dom(me) . But this requires a frank discussion.

if he's not into that aspect of Sharing Is Caring,-- then you'd be well-advised to take stock in the blessings of an otherwise good marriage and realize that good men are hard to find while hard men swing from many trees and, to use the becoming-tired cliche, "at the end of the day" which is better to spend your life and times with?

lilmeme​(sub female){Not collar} • May 19, 2019

We are already in an open marriage so to add a guy that does kink I wouldn't think would be that far fetched, but like many things in my life as of late they are hard to find. I have also been through the cave man she's going to submit to me and so are you. Thankfully it was only during the meeting phase so it didn't go far.

Re: Is it probable

Soulweaver​(dom male) • May 24, 2019

I once had a submissive (sounds like the opening line to a bad fairy tale?), who was married to a cuckold. We were together for 7 years and it was alternatively awesome and difficult. I can tell you from experience that it requires constant communication, more communication and yet more communication. The communication would ideally be both between your husband and you, but also between you and your Dom. If your Dom and husband can agree, it would be helpful for them to communicate with one another as well. The green-eyed monster (jealousy) can be quite destructive, if not properly dealt with. However, it can be a way to "have your cake and eat it too." There are many Dominants out there, that for whatever reason would seek the services of a married submissive. Maybe they are married themselves, maybe they are in an LDR with a submissive and need the local contact. It is not out of the realm of possibility. However, once again I recommend honesty and you guessed it, communication.

I do also recommend seeking out whatever resources you can find, particularly as it relates to poly relationships. There are in fact some decent podcasts on this very website. Either way, good luck on your journey! I hope you find what you seek.

MD

lilmeme​(sub female){Not collar} • Jun 1, 2019

This is the husband on for just a minute. I'd like to share my thoughts as well so you guys can see both sides of this. I do love this woman more than life itself. I've spent my last 20 years giving and sacrificing everything of myself from the first second I saw her. We had nothing when we met. One car between us. Alot has happened over the years but this is where my major hang up is with all this. There was a time when we were younger that I tried to explore kinks with her. She was very reserved and would not explore with me at the time also she's had some medical conditions over the years like kidney stones. Gall bladder removed and us having 3 kids. That settled us into a routine. It wasn't what I would call a pleasant routine sexually anyway. That routine lasted for a long time. Sex was up and down. You also have to understand my life isn't all about sex with her either. When asked what it is I see in her that makes me stay. For me it's always been simple she's the part of me I'm not. I never could get her to understand that. We both came from seriously traumatic childhoods. I had no soul or heartbeat before her. But still I question. If this is the lifestyle she wanted why not tell me years ago when I was willing to explore why wait 17 years and then come to me with it. It kinda makes me feel like she was dishonest about it and causes some resentment but still she is and has been the most precious person or thing I've ever attached myself to in my life so I am trying to dive into to her world on it but to me it's extremely difficult to make that change for her. Not because I resent but because I've spent so much time trying to give her everything and baby her. I kid you not guys I even tried to kill my best friend over her. Don't get me wrong. He earned it. But in the end of even that scenario. In my most blind rage all it took to stop me was her words. She is the one person I don't give up on or ever let anything happen to. She's also the one person I can't say no to. It's a tuff situation but like anything else in life. I'm not running from it. And to touch on one or two comments. I did agree to let her explore the idea of an outside Dom for herself with my involvement. And no I'm not submissive in the least. I just can't tell her no because she gave me the life I have. I'd be dead or in prison if not for her. In fact was looking at prison time when I met her. It's only because of her I was able to let that aggressive and angry side of myself go.

lilmeme​(sub female){Not collar} • Jun 1, 2019

This is the husband on for just a minute. I'd like to share my thoughts as well so you guys can see both sides of this. I do love this woman more than life itself. I've spent my last 20 years giving and sacrificing everything of myself from the first second I saw her. We had nothing when we met. One car between us. Alot has happened over the years but this is where my major hang up is with all this. There was a time when we were younger that I tried to explore kinks with her. She was very reserved and would not explore with me at the time also she's had some medical conditions over the years like kidney stones. Gall bladder removed and us having 3 kids. That settled us into a routine. It wasn't what I would call a pleasant routine sexually anyway. That routine lasted for a long time. Sex was up and down. You also have to understand my life isn't all about sex with her either. When asked what it is I see in her that makes me stay. For me it's always been simple she's the part of me I'm not. I never could get her to understand that. We both came from seriously traumatic childhoods. I had no soul or heartbeat before her. But still I question. If this is the lifestyle she wanted why not tell me years ago when I was willing to explore why wait 17 years and then come to me with it. It kinda makes me feel like she was dishonest about it and causes some resentment but still she is and has been the most precious person or thing I've ever attached myself to in my life so I am trying to dive into to her world on it but to me it's extremely difficult to make that change for her. Not because I resent but because I've spent so much time trying to give her everything and baby her. I kid you not guys I even tried to kill my best friend over her. Don't get me wrong. He earned it. But in the end of even that scenario. In my most blind rage all it took to stop me was her words. She is the one person I don't give up on or ever let anything happen to. She's also the one person I can't say no to. It's a tuff situation but like anything else in life. I'm not running from it. And to touch on one or two comments. I did agree to let her explore the idea of an outside Dom for herself with my involvement. And no I'm not submissive in the least. I just can't tell her no because she gave me the life I have. I'd be dead or in prison if not for her. In fact was looking at prison time when I met her. It's only because of her I was able to let that aggressive and angry side of myself go.

lilmeme​(sub female){Not collar} • Jun 1, 2019

Sorry so long guys. But I'll finish with this. I love her dearly. I won't let her go. We will find what we need for us one way or another. We always have. Always will

HGB​(sub female){Scottish M} • Jun 1, 2019

For whatever reason it didn't happen back then. Now it's a new time for the two of you. I hope the best for.

DrWakko • Jun 1, 2019

@ husband oflilmeme:

There are a dozen reasons why she might not of told you. One of the reasons might be that she was ashamed. With the womans power movement and now the me too movement a woman might feel that wanting to give up control is “wrong”.

The first time I played I left a few bruises on my girl. By the end of the scene I was so fucked up because I not only hit a woman I also liked it. I was messed up for well over a week. I’m sure this also happens on the other side of the slash.

I also think that because of your relationship she doesn’t view you as a dominant. A dominate has nothing to do with being aggressive or angry. In my opinion some of the best Doms are cool and collective the entire time. A Dom is a gentleman not a tyrant. A Dom is a leader not a dictator.

If you are interested in being a Dom I suggest reading: The Loveing Dominant (https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Dominant-John-Warren/dp/1890159727)

Also look into your local Bdsm community. They should offer classes. Some communities have Dom only support groups.

Topping happens in the dungeon
Domming happens in the mind

DW

lilmeme​(sub female){Not collar} • Jun 1, 2019

Ya. I wasn't suggesting angry and aggressive is my Dominant side. Maybe I worded that wrong. She just knows how to tame the beast in me I guess. But how do u go from one end of the spectrum to the other after 17 years. I mean we are talking about someone I've babied all this time. I've the way in our relationship without pain or punishment or telling her what to do all this time it's a hard switch. That waiting all this time to tell me is what I'm hung up on the most. So many mixed feelings there. So many things could have happened or gone differently it just feels like for the first time ever she was dishonest with me. I know that's not really the case but can't help but have that feeling. We've talked about it. She's apologized. There are good reasons for it but it's hard to shake that part. But now over time I have broke down some walls. Consistently is more the issue now. I start doing it. I feel guilty. I back off and I know that's not good. But how do u break that

lilmeme​(sub female){Not collar} • Jun 1, 2019

Also I really do appreciate you guys taking time to talk to her and me. She's tried telling me to get on here for a while but Jesus there are so many sites I get tired if even looking at em. I don't take offense to any of your guys comments. It's all a building platform. I'm an open book. You guys can say or ask me anything