Eye Contact

Eye Contact

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • May 28, 2019

I had an epic case of insomnia last night and kept coming across posts on FB that made me want to explore the subject more...

In your dynamic, is eye contact permitted? In a scene/outside of a scene? In everyday life?

I was trained that my eyes should be downcast, especially during a scene or while being addressed. I tend to keep my eyes closed and have been scolded and commanded to open them if that is what He desires. I've never been restricted from making eye contact, especially in just regular day to day stuff.... and i naturally demure otherwise.

What say you?

Pumpkin29​(sub female){MrWhite} • May 28, 2019

My Sir strongly encourages eye contact. Strangely, I struggle with it. I naturally avoid his eyes most of the time, and he laughs and lifts my chin until I meet his eyes.
It makes me squirm.
If only I had a dollar for every time I've heard him say "you're allowed to look at me, you know."

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • May 28, 2019

There’s no right or wrong answer for the community as a whole. It’s based on your specific dynamic and your Dom’s personal preferences.

In our day to day life I make eye contact with my Sir just like I do with anyone else. Now, that being said, I don’t usually really look into anyone’s eyes as my natural instinct is to look at their face as a whole and if I feel like they’re asserting any kind of authority my eyes naturally go downcast.

In playtime or scene, Sir doesn’t really have any specific rules about eye contact. For the most part my eyes are closed or downcast but during certain intensely intimate moments, I can sense him imploring me to make and maintain eye contact and so I do, even when it feels overwhelming and I want to look away.

Soulweaver​(dom male) • May 28, 2019

For me, eye contact is never an all or nothing kind of thing. There are times when I require there to be no eye contact and there are times when eye contact is incredibly erotic, such as in the middle of oral sex.

So for me the answer is depends upon the situation/mood/scene etc. Since I am also into sensory deprivation, blindfolds/masks/hoods can restrict eye contact if desired/necessary.

SweetSirRendering​(sub female) • May 28, 2019

this is such a good question and we are clearly opposite when it comes to where we naturally cast our eyes, dijinni. however, there is no way that one is more right than another and now that i have been able to overcome struggles with that, it feels right to honor him with my eyes down until he raises them. it helps settle into a more mindful and demure state of mind when i am first in his presence.

eye contact is very important to me always! i need it to feel connected and to read others. i find it very hard to keep my eyes downcast and must close them to attempt this. i have to focus so hard with near herculean strength to keep them from darting back up on their own!

my D and i used to struggle with having me keep my eyes downcast as they are distracting to him at times in the true window to the soul sense as i cannot hide anything in them and we both like the respect and reverence it implies. it was a struggle because we found i could get sad and isolated to the point if it went on too long i could become almost inconsolable with the feeling of shame that would sweep over me combined with the fear that i will disappoint and look up (all internal issues and nothing he did wrong). i would also get fearful that he wouldn’t know when i was in need. we are CNC and i do use my words, but i don’t ever need to because we know each other through and through and hitting “red” is not the name of the game. i use “patience” if ever required. it felt like even when being touched, i was completely disconnected from him, like i was being shunned, as if i were a million miles away in the dark. how could he hear me or see me in such a faraway dark place!? so strange how it would flip in my mind that if i could not see his eyes, he couldn’t see me. lol such silly girl

it was a real struggle for me, but i don’t get sad anymore. trust, a shift in perspective, and remembering to stay grounded and present is all it took and i can cast my eyes down in respect for him if he were to ever request it to be that way, but he prefers my eye contact most of the time. he found that a blindfold works well when he wants my eyes off him and he is more than content with that, but knows i will keep my eyes down if he requests. during certain scenarios, (anytime requested) i am happy to avert my gaze and even do it on my own when it feels appropriate.

i wonder if anyone else struggled the way i did?

MasterBear​(other butch) • May 29, 2019

Depends on what my goal is.

From My Beloved I require it.

From others I nay not.

Just depends on what I want or need from that person.

Gilrad​(dom male){TreasureMe} • May 29, 2019

There is something intrinsically erotic about this entire scenario. I've always encouraged eye contact but when my Sub looked down/away, it was kind of thrilling. There was never pain or distrust, that would have devastated me, no. Just an almost... reverence? respect? (not sure) and it was hot.

TheAnt​(dom male) • May 29, 2019

I realize I am way old fashioned but I believe the eyes of my sub are for only me as far as Doms go. She can stare into the eyes of any sub. She can look into the eyes of any vanilla woman or man.
I agree with a couple of people above, it really is up to the Dom in the dynamic.
I hold no fault if a sub that is not mine looks me in my eyes as again that is her Dom's choice.

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • May 29, 2019

I think this is something that's just innately different in each person and dynamic. The replies here speak for themselves: the whole community has different answers.

Personally, in my dynamics, it's expected when I speak to a sub unless she's given instruction to do otherwise.

thirstyharley​(dom male) • May 29, 2019

Allowing or not allowing eye contact can both work in context of a sub/dom relationship