Confused sub

Confused sub

MegaGem​(sub female){Solidbobth} • May 30, 2019

I have been battling with this conflicting feeling inside me for a while now.

Part of me wants to submit, while the other half is fighting against it. And I personally think it keeps interfering with my sessions with my Daddy.

I know I like to be forced to submit, and I get a total rush from it. But then there are times when I try to figure out how to help a certain position work or try to adjust.

I just feel like I'm fighting against my Dom and we both end up getting frustrated. It doesn't help that I'm not very experienced.

Maybe I am better off just getting tied up and letting Daddy take complete control?

Daddy and I have spoken about this before. I'm just so confused where I stand when it comes to being a sub. And why do I feel like I'm doing something wrong?

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • May 30, 2019

Being completely submissive during scene often requires conscious effort. Being put into awkward or forced positions triggers an instinctive response to want to move or adjust or “correct the situation”. Being submissive doesn’t mean that you don’t have those instincts (you’re human, you will) it means choosing to ignore and/or fight against those instincts. It means trusting your partner more than your own instincts. Sometimes it simply means accepting the discomfort for your Dom’s pleasure.

If your Daddy is like most good Doms he’ll inquire in some way after the scene about what things you enjoyed and what you didn’t. My Sir casually asks if I “have any feedback?” And that’s your opportunity to say “I really enjoyed X but Y was uncomfortable for me.” Unless you’re approaching a limit or in danger of some sort, it can come off as extremely disrespectful to your Daddy to try and lead or to make changes/corrections to his leadership during a scene; that’s topping from the bottom.

Re: Confused sub

thirstyharley​(dom male) • May 30, 2019

Can you elaborate on this? It sounds like your dom is simply trying positions you don’t like. Remember, communication is key. If you want to be comfortable while your dom is playing with you, let him know what you do and don’t like.
Fair warning though, many doms like to push the boundaries of their subs limits.
Otherwise, if youre still uncertain about how submissive you are, I’d suggest domming a guy a couple of times to see if you enjoy that more.

MegaGem​(sub female){Solidbobth} • May 30, 2019

@thirstyharley​

I think AKittenforSir gets what I am saying about this discomfort. Sometimes there are moments when my Dom and I do a position that is just a bit to painful for me. Kind of feel silly for feeling bad about it now.

And as for trying to Domme another sub. Idk about that, but it is a possibility. Thank you for the suggestion.

@AKittenforSir​

Thank you! Your post made me feel so much better. I will definitely need to work on communicating better with my Dom outside of our play sessions. I will talk with him soon.

MasterBear​(other butch) • May 30, 2019

You arent doing anything wrong.
You arent failing at being a submissive.

What you are going through is very normal.

You are finding out what it takes for you to emotionally, sexually, and psychologically submit.

Some s types love the take down.
They love being forced to submit.

It doesnt mean that you arent submitting entirely if you need that.
It just means thats what does it for you.

Do NOT get sidetracked by what you think you SHOULD be doing or feeling.

Focus on what is REAL for you.

MasterThompson​(dom male) • Jul 12, 2019

It's normal for those who might new or who want to explore something new.. in your case you can just find out about your possession with the only key that is pain... If you like the pain and makes you happy with that then you are submissive because submission always leads to pain... So if you are happy in pain then you are submissive...

Soulweaver​(dom male) • Jul 12, 2019

@MasterThompson​(dom male) "If you like the pain and makes you happy with that then you are submissive because submission always leads to pain... So if you are happy in pain then you are submissive..."

Respectfully, I am not sure what you are trying to say here, but the way I read your statements, this is completely false. If someone "likes" pain that doesn't by definition make them a "submissive," it may make them a masochist, which is a completely different "animal." Submission doesn't "always lead to pain," I am sure there are some relationships that don't involve pain, it isn't that black & white. And just to reiterate "if you are happy in pain then you are a submissive" just is so entirely false as to be laughable. To be happy in pain may make you a masochist as I already mentioned, if you choose to call yourself that, but all it really makes you is someone who enjoys pain. Also, many submissives I have known are happy just through the act of submitting and they can barely tolerate (if that) pain. Pain and submission are NOT synonymous and in fact are two totally different things. It is true that many submissives do enjoy pain, but to classify them all with those types of broad strokes isn't helping anyone, particularly newbies.

Now if your intention was something other than what I read, I am willing to reconsider my objections, if you'd like to clarify. Otherwise my objections stand.

Finished​(switch female) • Jul 12, 2019

If the resistance you’re feeling is more than just the physical positions and comfort, like an initial knee-jerk reaction to certain commands/instructions like, ‘no Sir, not today!’ and when you think about it later you’re not sure why you have those, just wanted to share that I have those all the time. No every day and not every time of course, but you also have to consider that we are raised in a society that promotes female autonomy and independence and even if we still retain natural submissive tendencies, our upbringing can have a huge effect and may be some of the cause of any resistance we experience as subs. Working together with our Doms over time ‘in training’ usually builds the trust enough to overcome these things. Happily! 🥳

NCarraway​(dom male) • Jul 12, 2019

I'm with @Soulweaver(dom male) here. This is not a different opinion, it is just a false statement. Submission is not the same as liking pain. I know submissives who like pain and submissives who do not. I also know masochists (who like pain) who submit and also some who don't submit.

MegaGem​(sub female){Solidbobth} • Jul 12, 2019

I'd also like to add that yes, I am a masochist. But the pain I was experiencing wasn't the kind I enjoy. There can be different levels of pain that I can stand, but when it comes to the point that I feel like my hips are going to dislocate! That's where I draw the line.

I was " fighting back " against my Daddy at the time because my instincts were screaming at me to do so. To try and keep me from hurting myself badly.

I also agree that yes, it does take some work on my part to get into a submissive state. But just like any sub, some times to much pain can snap you out of it.

That's why we use safe words