Disobient sub

Asteria​(neither female) • Jun 23, 2019

@ Bunnie,

Nicknames, just like names - you don't need to prove anything to be called this way or to use them, right? But, in the same time, using them is not followed by any additional stuff. Asteria is Asteria, nothing more, nothing less, just a nickname. Just like my real name, and I should not expect to get specific respect because of having it, except for basic respect that is rightful for any human being.

I think we should underline the small difference between honorifics and titles, maybe that would be of help.
You see, you're not the only one here who was raised in an old fashioned way and values good manners (the horror!). In fact, in Poland, we call sir or ma'am (in Polish it's "pan / pani") every adult person who is not acquaintance. It's a honorific, polite way to address to somebody that is socially acceptable. But then again, it is NOT followed by any additional, increased respect other than basic one. Once again, it's a honorific, but NOT a title.

Now, when it comes to titles... Titles like Dr etc., usually describe some specific characteristic(s) of someone who uses them. Would you accept and use the title "doctor" regarding someone who does not have medical background and has nothing to do with medicine? Or someone who did not complete PhD studies?

The title "Dominant" (also Sir in this particular meaning), is not JUST a honorific. It's a title that is followed by certain things (increased respect maybe?), also certain expectations. Now, I fail to understand why do we refuse to take into account the fact that calling oneself a Dominant here does not take much time / effort, like I said, few clicks and here we are. Just because someone decided to choose that particular option while creating the account does not give them the right to expect anything more than basic respect. Assuming that this label / title next to the nickname is always valid, always honest is... well, in my opinion a bit dangerous.

Bunnie • Jun 23, 2019

@ asteria,

You’re right. Great distinction. Your intellect far outweighs mine.

Perhaps rather than explaining why I like to do something or why I think the way I do, I should just say that I like it because that’s my preference, and stick with that.

Asteria​(neither female) • Jun 23, 2019

It is not a matter of intellect, Bunnie. I wasn't fishing for compliments.

What I am trying to express is that I believe that here, on The Cage (or any place like that) we are nothing but strangers from the Internet (by default) and human beings. So the respect we have for each other should be related to that.

Implying that titles give us the right to expect more than just basic respect can be dangerous, particularly because there are still people who might want to use the title as an excuse for not the best behaviour or demands.

Soulweaver​(dom male) • Jun 23, 2019

@Asteria, very good points! When I was growing up, although I am not Polish myself, I was associated with many in the Polish American community. That association lent me a deep respect for Polish customs and food! I remember every morning seeing the Polish babcias sweeping the sidewalk in front of their houses and greeting everyone as they passed by! Very proud, strong culture and I wish I had stronger ties to that culture.

Your point about titles/honorifics within the D/s community is a good one as well. It is why I typically do not insist that a submissive call me Master/Daddy/Sir when we are in the familiarization phase of our relationship. More often than not, it begins to happen organically anyway, as we walk deeper into "the woods" so to speak. Anyone can appropriate a title/honorific, but those that prove they've earned that title/honorific by words/deeds/actions are usually the ones that find they do not need to "demand" to be called by said title/honorific. Also, there comes a point in my relationship with a submissive where I do make that request to be called by titles/honorifics. But by the time I make the request we have usually both made the decision that we are committed to this relationship and there is no question that by this time I have proven myself worthy of that respect.

We must also remember that many of the people turning to BDSM today are coming into this with varying degrees of knowledge, gained from many diverse sources such as from games (both video and others), from lurking in chat rooms, from pop culture such as music/movies/books and a myriad other ways, that don't necessarily paint a complete picture of the lifestyle. Those of us that are the "dinosaurs" (like me for example) that began learning about this pre-internet or pre "50 Shades," need to help educate and teach these newer folks that no matter what form of knowledge brought them here, that there is much more to this than titles/honorifics etc.. I am also aware that while some may be willing to listen (as OP seemed to be), there are others that will not. All I can say to that is this; that I fervently hope that those that go off "half-cocked" don't hurt anyone, including themselves.