Training - Level of importance

Training - Level of importance

boofygurl​(sub female){Taken} • Jul 1, 2019

As I'm going though this journey, many I have talked to are in awe that I never received any "formal training" from the Dom I just left.

I have learned that many Doms do things differently. Maybe training just wasn't his thing or he felt it wasn't needed or that we would gradually do things over time...

Whatever his reasoning for not doing any formal training... it is what it is...

Why does training seem so important??

I know people out there have blogs voicing their opinions but I am hoping to get a lot of different views/answers.

Also, for those who give or have received formal training, would you mind inboxing me with some examples of what it entails?? Curiousity has my mind running and its exhausting....

ShieMarie • Jul 15, 2019

Just me speaking on my own experiences and encounters, which is limited.

So, on why I train:

The first time I drafted a contract, I was freaking out. Particularly because I didn't want to end up with a 100 page dissertation of every exact thing I desired and why and protocols and stuff. Like, if I was getting anxiety writing it, poor subbie would too reading it. But then it dawned on me, a contract is an agreement... Duh! And yes I know about consent and yes I spoke with the subbie about goals and plans during vetting. But the process of writing a contract and considering all parties' wants and needs made me realize that some things are better done than said. Plus you get to bond.

Training is a way for me to establish a working embodiment of those more contractual elements, and even expounding upon them.

So if a contract has the language of "always use respectful addresses and behavior", then the training would be to establish what exactly constitutes as respectful addresses and behavior. Training would basically train my subbie in a way that molds them to fit my desires, while also working towards helping them grow in areas of achieving their own personal goals. "Practice makes perfect" is the most cliché thing that I can mention, but that's basically how I'd sum up training. Reading a set of rules or going about something in a more lax manner doesn't seem nearly as effective as having a set routine/ plan and learning what makes each of you tic and perform your best.

*edit... Additional training to execute particular tasks by way of training parts of the body. Ie, ass training, controlled orgasm, chastity, etc.

And uhhh... That's all I got.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jul 17, 2019

Training sets expectations, defines roles, explores boundaries, and generally sets the tone for the realtionship.


Training- in my opinion - is like dating in vanilla speak.

You are both feeling each other out and deciding if its a good fit.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Jul 17, 2019

Ok i ll add my two cents here.

As far as training goes to me . the word training feels as though I'm (or the sub ) is not good enough for stated dom as is. Now before you guys run with clubs to get me . please let me explain

Yes each Dom has there own way of what they want or how. But all that should be talked about i think as you are getting to kbow each other things like when / if i collar you. You will refer to me as ----, when at home and it is ---- time you will be/ or do ----.

That to me is part of understanding what is wanted ahead of time. Maybe i just have a good memory for things because i remember the talks that WOLF and i had before getting together. And he had said also long as i stayed me we were good . ( i feel / think that is cause i am naturally a respectful person and try hard to think better i do or say thing s)

Now on the other hand . i am working ( training ???) On things but they or like for example before we got together i NEVER wore a selt belt and now i always do. I am still working on not speeding and always useing my turn signal..

SoaringFree​(sub female) • Jul 17, 2019

I think the word training can be perceived in a few different ways. We have one couple here who openly talks about different trainings on different nights of the week. To me that's more of a scheduled event. I've not experienced this. My last Dom had very few expectations, so basically no training was done.
My Sir now expects things a certain way. Because of this being so much different than my experiences before, I had a very difficult time. It honestly felt like I was not prepared for a true D/s relationship. We don't have "formal" trainings, but more of I'm always in training. I had explained to him that even though I've been in prior relationships that this was all new to me. Being the wonderful person he is, he took his own approach on getting me up to speed with my rules and permissions. Thank goodness he's patient!!
With the chaos of my life, I've found that I greatly value and appreciate my rules and permissions. They help me keep my focus. In my opinion, when you have these in your relationship, the training really never stops. As a last minute funny, somehow he's trained me to be the one to out myself for my mistakes. How did he even do that?!
Much love

boofygurl​(sub female){Taken} • Jul 17, 2019

Okay. This definitely gives me a better understanding of the term "training" in this lifestyle!! Thank you all!!

Important on many levels

Evolocity​(dom male) • Jul 18, 2019

My view and opinion:

The aspect of knowing your natural role is important. Knowing how to achieve the best experience within your role and dynamic even more so.
When saying “training” that depends on who is training you. Sadly mainstream today has far too many people pretending to know all and the only thing they know is how to use this lifestyle as a means to exploit those who are vulnerable.
True training requires that you trust the person who trains you and you know what exactly there training outline is and that they truly have the ability to safely, productively and skillfully train you. Your submission is earned, but so is their dominance.
In the style I was trained in and also now train others in, it’s a three layer process of 1) learn and develop you first. 2) learn and understand your core natural aspects and role 3) how to embrace and live within this daily