D/s Relationship

D/s Relationship

BrunettePrincess​(sub female) • Jul 3, 2019

So I received a message from a dom male after liking his profile. He asked why I never messaged him, I replied that I didn’t think he would be willing to chatting since his distance limits. We began chatting and he asked “what I can offer him since having a boyfriend”...I thought that was kind of rude but I let it go. Since then I’ve been very busy with work and going through some anxiety issues.

He messages me today and asks me to get kik (the app). I said I honestly didn’t want to use it. If you’ve ever messaged me and asked that same question, you know my answer is just that. I had it once and I personally just don’t like it enough to add more storage on my phone. He then replied “not adding a free app to communicate with a potential dom...not off the a great start”. I thought this was pretty rude too so I said “that’s kind of rude.. not off to a great start.

His response to that was he didn’t mean to come off rude but he’s not a dom who is blunt and doesn’t sugar coats things. I stated there was a line between being blunt and disrespectful”. This is what I get in return....

“If you believe that you are supposed to be granted respect by a dom right off the bat you are sadly mistaken. Respect is something that is earned not just given away freely. Please educate yourself before jumping on an adult website having an attitude you know nothing about”

Experience Doms: Am I wrong for wanting to be treated with respect ? Am I wrong for not giving a dom (who I don’t even know) no respect?

Someone enlighten/help me because I’ve been getting shit on all day and I’m about to break.

BrunettePrincess​(sub female) • Jul 3, 2019

I meant that he said “he is a dom that is blunt and doesn’t sugar coat”. I can’t even type...that’s obviously how worthless I am

RelentlessDomination​(dom male) • Jul 3, 2019

You are absolutely right! You do deserve respect! He might just be another poseur looking for easy sex which is interesting for someone who claims to be blunt, who claims not to sugarcoat anything. He's impatient precisely because he hides and sugarcoats his true ambitions.

A real dominant would be patient and respect you (and your limits). Respect is not something that is earned; it is something that, given the benefit of the doubt, a decent human being gives to strangers. Only when someone does something to lose respect, only then respect can be withdrawn.

BrunettePrincess​(sub female) • Jul 3, 2019

Agreed. I understand the respect is earned thing. But as soon as I said I deserve respect too that’s what he says to me. I just don’t get it

RelentlessDomination​(dom male) • Jul 3, 2019

So then, given some chat between two strangers, it seems pretty one-sided: he wants and demands you (and, really, any sub) give him instant respect, but that you are not worthy of it; that you need to "earn" his respect.

Sounds like an extremely selfish and perhaps even dangerous person. He wants you to "earn" respect, which is to say, he wants you serve his selfish needs, but he demands respect without having earned it because, let's face it, he probably cannot and will not provide anything of value like leadership, protection, love, affection, etc.

Probably a rightwing "incel" loser

Scooby Alpha​(dom male){bratlitpri} • Jul 4, 2019

OK. So first and foremost, I am doubtful this guy is a dom. If a guy just wants to bark commands at you, and isn't trying to take the time to get to know you as a person first, then he is probably just hoping to get some quick pics from you and ghost. If he thinks that you should just "submit" and to what he says, without first creating trust, tell him to eat a bag of dicks. Wannabe's give us a bad name. A true dom should need only whisper in his sub's ear and watch her slowly undress. Just my opinion.

BrunettePrincess​(sub female) • Jul 4, 2019

I appreciate it. I just wanted to make sure I hadn’t done something wrong as it seems this is a reoccurring issue

Empress Kelly • Jul 4, 2019

I agree - respect is earned not necessarily given. Of course start out with proper etiquette, as for any person...but that's were things can change. If a person is rude, you can take the high road and maintain to be respectful but remember you deserve respect as well. While I can't say that I am a sage in the lifestyle, I can say in a professional field - you can lose respect fast just by being rude.

Wicked Ways​(dom male){venia} • Jul 4, 2019

“If you believe that you are supposed to be granted respect by a dom right off the bat you are sadly mistaken. Respect is something that is earned not just given away freely. Please educate yourself”
Educate yourself ?!!! Is this a bad joke !
Allow me to educate that “ Domly Dom”

Merrium Webster describes respect as
“due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others

First, no matter what your role is, you deserve respect! Second:; Respect is treating someone with common decency, unless they have proven unworthy of your respect.
Such is the case with this “ Domly Dom.”
Trust is earned .. guess he blew that!
Next a true Dom is not defined by some self appointed title. A true Dom, defines his title.
Last but not least , a true Dom does not demand anything from his submissive. A true Dom waits until he has earned the trust of his submissive . Once she has given him such a treasure, He need not Demand anything. He no longer needs words, his submissive has given him the power, by virtue of who he is to Command respect.
My advice, stay away from him, and anyone whose introduction starts with a Demand!!

Best of luck
~Wicked

BrunettePrincess​(sub female) • Jul 4, 2019

As always Wicked, you always have the best advice. Thank you and thank you to everyone who has responded with advice. I appreciate it so much