Is it ok to ask?

Tied and Bound​(masochist female) • Aug 29, 2019

It does, very much. How could you possibly punish a masochist that will actively break the rules to feel the pain of the cane?

It's all about knowing the person. And that's also part of the question. If you know the person's limits, would you still use that limit as a form.of punishment? Is it a risk to the relationship if you use her limit to punish or does it make that relationship stronger because of it?

Sensualgent​(dom male) • Aug 29, 2019

Welcome and thanks for the question.

For me as a dominate man I consider these simple beliefs.
Whoever one is, or feels they are, we all have needs that must be met in order for us to feel secure, loved, worthwhile and therefore happy and content.
Failing to meet a lover or partners needs will hurt them and the relationship, therefore, continually good, honest communication is imperative. One should feel and be able to discus and ask anything of the other.
Further, one should be able, in a relationship and outside of one, to BE WHO YOU ARE without fear.
Take the time to get to know someone before jumping in.
Enjoy.

SG

Re: Is it ok to ask?

Miki • Aug 29, 2019

Simply put and not dissing anyone... Ignore the checklists and anything else that may look like an instruction sheet. I am a sexual maso-girl... Meaning I'm submissive only in the moment: My life outside of that is my own; I have my own place and my career and I'm only a sub after-hours. Tell your date what you're into, what your limits are, and go from there. No one owes anyone anything beyond the truth.

Myself as example: "fuck me, suck me, whip me, kiss me (don't rhyme, I know, but neither do our needs) .. And go away. If your shlong rocked my boat, I'll be back."

Miki • Aug 30, 2019

The question is.... Is it too much of a thing to ask a question.

My reply is-- there is no such thing as a silly question.

Our sexuality is not mainstream. Our needs and desires are not considered "normal"-- (I am a sexual masochist so we have some level of commonality and it goes as such: )

We want to be beaten, whipped, or otherwise subjected to pain and humiliation alongside our pleasure so we best be informed as to what we would be getting ourselves into:

Ergo, there is one thing everyone agrees with.... "Though we like pain, it never hurts to ask a question.

LordofPain56 • Aug 30, 2019

Once upon a time, long ago, I had a BDSM profile that was so detailed, I doubt it left much room for the imagination. Never got a reply or received any messages from that website, but it could be that the mention of WHIPS scared them off. Haha.
You'd better figure out what type of Dom you are best suited for before anything else (Daddy, HOH/TIH, sadist, etc), and then decide if you want casual, LTR or online only.
There is nothing that says you can't make first contact and nothing that says you can't ask questions. If his profile is not up-front enough, then you had better ask questions for your own sake.

Miki • Aug 30, 2019

Listen to this cat... He nails it!!

(of course he's a million miles away from my ass.....)

MasterBear​(other butch) • Aug 31, 2019

Our punishments can be hard and are designed to guide us. The question I now present, for the Doms, why would you suggest using a limit as a form.of punishment? It's something we don't like, so would that be the reason?



Can you explain what a limit means to you?

Im not understanding that.

Going off what I think you might be saying, yes limits are apart of the BDSM relationship. However not all limits are fun.


For example, I had a Dominant come to me about this.

His s type was out playing and was required to be home by a certain time so that the two of them could spend time together. The sub blew off the time when they were supposed to be home and came home 3 hours late.

He asked me what I thought he should do, and my answer was very simple. I told him-- your time is a privilege and not a right. Just because she came home does not mean she gets all of the goodies that come with that.

So my advice was that the s type had to stay home and write an essay while he went out and had some fun at a local event.


Is that the type of limit you mean?

Tied and Bound​(masochist female) • Aug 31, 2019

I think I need to explain more.

A hard limit for the s was no anal, of any kind. The D explained that should she not follow instructions, he would put a plug in her anus and have her sit in a corner for an hour.

The s asked the question, why would you use a limit to punish me? The D explained that the punishment needs to be something you don't like and makes you unhappy.

So here we are.

SchrodingersDinosaur​(switch female) • Aug 31, 2019

Okay, this one I have to come in on. My response may well be contentious and if so bring it, but follow our guidelines here and speak your peace...

That said, my view is simple and clear. If anal is a HARD LIMIT, not a soft limit or boundary and the D attempted to breach that, that dominant is an abusing, consent busting, and untrustworthy example who does not deserve said sub because they are obviously unable to control behavior without trampling on the foundation of D/s. Hell, maybe it's a Hard Limit because the s was brutally sodomized by someone early in life. Way to go triggering that one because they wouldn't behave exactly as preferred.

There is a tendency, particularly for the very new, to identify anything that is uncomfortable as a Hard Limit, in my view one of the responsibilities as D accepts with an s is to understand their triggers and help them differentiate what's just disconcerting or a little scary from a true Limit. Once that is done, using a Hard Limit as a bludgeon is never okay. Ever.
- Henna

wtiiold • Sep 17, 2019

And you're confusing me as well. How do you personally define and determine ownership? I'm sure that if your dominant person wants exclusivity, he'll let you know, else you could just ask.