What to do?

pi in your eye​(other female) • Oct 2, 2019

If there are limits put on a relationship with a Dominant, is it actually submitting? Only the two people involved can say. I have had this conversation over and over ad nauseum. Again choose wisely when submitting to a man who claims to be Dominant; because in my humble and very respectful opinion, if you have limits (such as no other submissives or something else), he is submitting to you, not you submitting to Him.

Submitting to a Dominant means giving Him the free rein he needs to be in control.

JohnBond​(dom male){Kitten} • Oct 2, 2019

I of course would never presume to say that you are wrong in your views of submission but really to me that feels more like an M/s dynamic than a D/s one. I do strongly feel that we would continue to disagree on this topic.

So to the Original poster I would say don't be discouraged and would encourage you to do some reading or reach out to your local community if you find your submission in question (often times local communities have groups and support systems for both tops and bottoms). Yes, if you have limits you may never be a kajira, and it might upset some that are, and have earned the title, if you decide to start calling yourself one. However, D/s I think is a little bit broader of a term that I personally don't believe has to encompass complete surrender of limits and boundaries. I figure that's probably why there is two different sets of terms.

I would HATE for it to come off that I don't respect M/s lifestyles though, though that's not how I live I have very much enjoyed the ideas, readings, and traditions involved with it. M/s takes a lot of work on both parts and I admire those that are able to accomplish living a healthy M/s lifestyle!

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Oct 2, 2019

D/ s or M/s
"Submitting to a Dominant means giving Him the free rein he needs to be in control."
Those are the types that
Reek of boys playing dominate
Like I've stated in another post
Dom/mes protect a submissive from themselves and if poly is hurting the sub the it's time for him to Dom up and release her.

HisBelovedKitty​(sub female){MSA} • Oct 2, 2019

Thank you everyone for your comments and advice. I mainly reached out on here in Hope's to find people who have been in a similar situation and may have possibly had some ideas. I dont want my owner and I to part. The idea of not being his hurts so much more then anything.
My mind and running thoughts are a giant pain in my ass. I know what I mean to him. I know he loves me deeply and cares for me. I know i serve and satisfy him in ways hes never been and i mostly make him so happy. But my mind like to try not to believe it. My moods switch in seconds and sometimes i cant control them. I'm really hoping there is a solution because i could never walk away from him. I need him just like he needs me but he also needs poly and as much as i hate that, i could never ask him to change.

Zedland​(dom male) • Oct 2, 2019

I pride myself on a certain blunt honesty and as an uninterested outsider I don't see a happy ending. Either you change to accept him, in which case you are unhappy. Or he changes to suit you and he is unhappy. Maybe a solution I can't fathom will present itself, hopefully it will. But failing that the question seems to be how much longer do you want to prolong not just your own pain, but surely his as well. Because who wants someone they care for to be miserable?

Angel Wings​(sub female) • Oct 2, 2019

Not everyone can do Poly. I for one do not share well, needy and greedy so it wouldn't be a fit for me and that's ok. You are who you are. It's fine to say this just isn't for me and wish the other person well and move forwatd.

Bunnie • Oct 2, 2019

I think oftentimes poly is misunderstood. Being poly doesn’t mean you don’t experience jealousy or miscommunication or loneliness. It doesn’t make anyone immune from break ups or bad relationships or cheating or lying or abuse or unhappiness. It also doesn’t mean that those involved have no limits. It is still simply a relationship... an openly agreed relationship that is simply a different dynamic than monogamy.

The only thing that makes any relationship successful is a willingness by all people involved to try to work together to make it work. To help each other through the moments of whatever is being experienced. To try to communicate as openly and as honestly as possible.

If the pain of not being with him is worse than him having other females as well... in my opinion, there is your answer. It seems you have the desire to try to work something out. I wish you both the best, and hope that you find some peace around whatever the outcome is

Fyglia Wicked​(dom female) • Oct 2, 2019

Are you so wrapped up in the BDSM dynamic that you're overlooking who someone is once the window dressing of BDSM is removed?
Ask yourself would you put up with this in a nilla relationship if the relationship caused you this distress?

HisBelovedKitty​(sub female){MSA} • Oct 3, 2019

If this was a vanilla relationship, yes I would continue to find solutions. I dont believe in tossing something away because it's hard. Love was never suppose to be easy. If it's easy it isnt real. When you love someone you work on it everyday.
This isnt a one sided road between him and I. I'm not the only one who suffers. But because of all that we havent just given up. We constantly try new things, communicate and discuss. I didnt get into this relationship being blind. I knew from the very beginning he was poly just like he knew from the very beginning I wasnt.
Sure, it may not have been smart on both our ends but between the both of us we both give eachother things neither one of us has ever had. We both love eachother and we both no not want to see our relationship end if we can help it. So no, i am not so wrapped up in BDSM but thank you.

HisBelovedKitty​(sub female){MSA} • Oct 3, 2019

Also the things we both give eachother that we've never experienced before have nothing to do with a BDSM dynamic.