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Enamored Dominant or Just a Lunatic?

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1 year ago • 10/18/2019 10:40 am
dollMaker{SaViDa} • 10/18/2019 10:40 am
Imagine you are talking to a friend, and in a non bdsm situation, regular life, your friend tells you what you have told us. What would you think? Take a step back and be honest re your thoughts.

Based on what you have written here, this person seems to me to be a wanabe, fantasist, and not someone with experience, or knowledge. That in and of itself is dangerous, because bdsm is not, repeat not a safe activity. Think of bdsm as being at pretty much every level potentially dangerous on a sliding scale from minor harm possible to extreme likely hood of physical, mental and emotional damage done to life changing injury, even death. An ignorrant, wanabe, fantasist, with no understanding of the things they do could hurt you badly, even kill you. I am not by saying this being dramatic, but simply telling you what some of the dangers are. As you are ignorrant yourself of the dangers you may have a view that bdsm is some fluffy, fun activity. It is fun if done safely, but if done poorly its dangerous, think extreme sports.

You need to educate yourself about what bdsm is and is not. You need to read books, read websites, watch videos and attend local educational workshops or events you need to learn, before you do, or have done to you, in order to understand what bdsm activity needs, to be safe. For example nipple clamps if left on too long can damage sensitivity in the nipples, a rope bondage tie done poorly can cause non reversible nerve damage, using a flogger on the wrong parts of the body can cause extreme damage. These are just a few possible physical dangers, but a bdsm relationship executed badly, with lack of knowledge can screw you up emotionally and mentally.

With knowledge you can help mitigate the risk to you by being able to spot an ignorrant, wanabe, fantasist, if you do not abandon common sense and your incredulity senses. Sadly even experienced people can get swept up in the feelings and emotions, desires and energy, a very heady thing, that bdsm can create and ignore danger signs. This is called sub frenzy, a madness of desire to try, get into it now and this can blind you to the danger. Knowledge is power and a safety filter, please learn first and you do not need anyone to learn the basics.

Visit Loving BDSM website and YouTube channel and the submissives guide website and YouTube channel before you do anything, learn, and please take in the information these experienced people have to share.

Of course this person you have encountered could be experienced and have knowledge, but if so then they are hunting for naive, vulnerable, ignorrant subs to do all sorts of horrible things to. This person then is an abuser, predator, and extremely dangerous. The wanabe, fantasist is dangerous, but a predator, abuser could destroy you, and I am not being over dramatic here. Savida, the lady whos name sits beside mine, was in her early time on this site emotionally abused by someone who on the surface looked to be ok, they weren't. This person used her ignorrance of bdsm and her personal past life to screw her up, and there was no physical contact between them. How much more dangerous is an in person, physical encounter.

Everything you have told us screams danger, the red flags on show are obvious and show clear danger to your personal safety, physical, emotional and mental well being. The only question not answered is ignorrant wanabe fantasist or premeditated abuser predator. Regardless this is not someone to get involved with, and you should not go any further. Those that say run are right.

I beg you to listen, I fear you wont, desperation for a relationship, frenzy whatever reason, your replies show that you are questioning this threads respondents interpretation of what you have said about this person. Your emotions, saying we are wrong, he is a good guy. Please, please, please I beg you do not proceed, you are in peril, serious danger. Please do some research, on your own and weigh up what this person has done and said against the advice given here and knowledge that Loving BDSM and submissives guide will give you regarding what bdsm is and isnt, and what safe practice should be. If you do, it will be clear, I hope, just how badly off this person is.
1 year ago • 10/18/2019 10:17 am
Bunnie • 10/18/2019 10:17 am
How many submissives has he had in the past... and can you speak with any of them if he’s had any?

The thing that often stands out to me with these types of posts is that despite what anyone says... you posted here in the first place because something didn’t sit right.
My only advice is... please trust that. We don’t know him and we don’t know you... but something about this situation made you sit down, think about it, type it out and post it in a forum to get feedback from others. That’s a lot of effort to put into something if it’s not playing on your mind.

It’s difficult to walk away from these things in the beginning of exploring because for the first time someone sees us and we feel special and we feel connection... it’s like a plant that didn’t know it was dying, receiving water for the first time.

We get it... we’ve all been there.

Ask yourself this though... why would a bunch of strangers on a thread almost have unanimous responses?

And what would you say to your friend if she came to you and told you of this situation?
1 year ago • 10/18/2019 9:58 am
Justme26 • 10/18/2019 9:58 am
I do not know if this is usual but can I suggest that you find someone on here and ask them to mentor both of you. If he is genuine then I do not see why he would not agree to that.

I am sure it is very overwhelming to have so many responses, but I hope that you see that everyone is just concerned for you. Please keep us posted.
SirsSunrise​(sub female)
1 year ago • 10/18/2019 9:28 am
SirsSunrise​(sub female) • 10/18/2019 9:28 am
Here’s what I’m thinking....I got caught up in some frenzy a few months ago, after having a real life situation. The problem with feelings is they can’t be trusted when they’re that new, because you don’t really know each other.

Huge red flag for me would be that there are so many Doms here who are telling you this is not normal.

A real dominant would take his time, get to know you, make sure you’re comfortable with every step of the process. I know what I’m talking about from experience because I’ve seen the things that you are talking... saying I would be colored within days, telling me they love me within days, willing to relocate for me within days. That’s not reality and that is not how life works .

It takes time and patience to find the right one and anyone who is in that much of a hurry is definitely the wrong one .
SirsSunrise​(sub female)
1 year ago • 10/18/2019 9:17 am
SirsSunrise​(sub female) • 10/18/2019 9:17 am
I’m not sure what kind of messages you have been receiving, but the ultimate goal is for you to be safe before anything else. You have to do what is right for you, eyes wide open
LongerJohnny​(dom male)
1 year ago • 10/18/2019 9:16 am
LongerJohnny​(dom male) • 10/18/2019 9:16 am
I'm sure we were all happy to help. If only all communities responded as one the way we just did for you the world might be a better place.
Yes, please do let us all know how things progress for you.
meeshymeesh​(sub female){Quackers}
1 year ago • 10/18/2019 9:14 am
meeshymeesh​(sub female){Quackers} • 10/18/2019 9:14 am
Again, thanks for the responses I have taken into account what you all have said and have taken action based on that. I’m more than willing to post an update later that way y’all know I’m not dead or anything.

Also to clarify, he wanted to do something for Thanksgiving, in hopes to meet my mom. Not just as a stranger. I mainly just wanted to know if it was normal for such expectations, and I see that it is not. I do appreciate the respondes and I have deemed them to be helpful despite many of you messaging me stating that they don’t know why I am not just cutting him off based on the responses. You all helped me out a great deal, I understand I have a lot to learn as well.
SirsSunrise​(sub female)
1 year ago • 10/18/2019 8:27 am
SirsSunrise​(sub female) • 10/18/2019 8:27 am
My vote is lunatic, and run. He will be controlling and he is using the lifestyle to do that. I’m actually afraid for you, RUN!!
LongerJohnny​(dom male)
1 year ago • 10/18/2019 8:03 am
LongerJohnny​(dom male) • 10/18/2019 8:03 am
Meeshy, I'll say this last thing then I'll quit piling on. I imagine it must have gotten somewhat overwhelming.
I think you may still be missing the point. You seem to prefer a romanticized version of the entire situation. You just do not have a trusting, safe, familiar relationship with this guy. That needs to be enough of a reason for you not to do it.

Correct me if I'm mistaken but It sounds like you are trying to justify his game by blindly playing along.
"So even if he’s willing to change according to my requests I should still ditch him?"
If he's playing on your naivety (and he is) then saying anything to placate you is a part of the game! You can't trust this guy and frankly he can't trust you eitherif for no other reason than because you don't know each other. It's that simple. Should you still you ditch him? There is nothing or no one to ditch because you aren't in a legit relationship.

"I know he may seem like a monster based on my post, but..."
Does that not suggest your willingness to sacrifice your own intuition for some stranger?
He wants to meet your mom and you're actually consider this as a good thing? You do not have a relationship with him! Under what pretense would you introduce him? "Mom, I'd like to introduce you to my... stranger?" At the very least do not subject your mom to that.

"I’m just trying to see what is what."
That is good, An excellent idea. Do it from a distance.

Finally, for what it's worth I've used dating sites before. I met some great ladies, got a whole lot of consensual laid, and everyone moved on. And that happens all the time. Sadly, on many occasions someone gets hurt or feels used. So the dating site thing is a weak supporting argument. It merely supports the notion that just meeting a stranger (in this case on another site) is the same as having a real relationship like what we've been discussing.
So the point you may be missing is that the level of commitment that you want to make should not exist at all because the relationship does not exist. The rest is irrelevant.
Definitely good luck.
SkipperC​(dom male)
1 year ago • 10/18/2019 7:34 am
SkipperC​(dom male) • 10/18/2019 7:34 am
well meesh if he was mentored improperly and he doesn't come on the cage then he will just be a bad dom and treat you wrongly.