Online now
Online now

Enamored Dominant or Just a Lunatic?

↑ ↓
evergrey​(sub female){Ashigeru}
1 year ago • 11/04/2019 4:31 am
evergrey​(sub female){Ashigeru} • 11/04/2019 4:31 am
This is a massive econo-pack of red flags. No no nononono no!

You are both still real people with real needs. You cannot possibly know one another well enough, after a few days, to get involved in a relationship like this! I take it this is your first ever dom? One you haven't even met in person yet?


I don't know if this guy has any real world experience or not, but people like this prey on those who are new and don't know any better. Do not do this. Do not. Please. I've been a very active member of the BDSM community, IRL, for decades and no, this is not normal, this is not healthy, this is not how things are done. No no no!

You need to get to know people IRL in your local community, if there is one, and talk to them about this. No BDSM contract is legally binding anyway, but with only a few days of talking, he doesn't see you as a person, just a fantasy and maybe easy prey. Effective predators seem nice, charming, and will present themselves as a dream come true. That's what makes them effective.

Stop. Think. Get past the sub frenzy. Are you really going to bring children in, to be raised with this stranger? He is a stranger. You don't know him. You know what he has decided to tell you, and don't even know if any of that is true.

Just, please, please, please don't go anywhere alone with this person. Take a year or two getting to know them AT LEAST, much of it in person, before moving in with them, before having children with them. Make sure you are talking to experienced people in the BDSM community to get reality checks.

What is this guy's reputation? What do former partners say about him? What do other people in his local community have to say about them? Can you ask people in the local IRL community about him, and what do they know?
1 year ago • 11/05/2019 6:56 pm
notavanilla • 11/05/2019 6:56 pm
He is a dominant and what he is doing is what dominants do, dominating.
You are submitting but ...
You are being presented with some decisions to make.
You are being asked to move in with a person you haven't met yet.
You are also being asked to agree with a contract with someone you haven't met yet.
Actions speak louder than words but you have no real actions in person but just words.
Is he a lunatic?
This has not at all been determined but he may be a control freak.
Advice is to proceed with caution. Meet him, see his place, discuss this relationship and this no limit contract and other important aspects of this relationship. Invest wisely when your instincts tell you that you feel more comfortable in this relationship.
You see you wrote because your instincts were out of line with this situation. Revisit them and see those things that seem to give you the willies in this new found friend. Validate a few things before you jump.

Silvery Blue
1 year ago • 11/05/2019 10:50 pm
Silvery Blue • 11/05/2019 10:50 pm
3 or 4 days? No way! You don’t even know this person, how can you contemplate moving in with them? I was seeing someone for a year (dating/playing) before even talk of moving in occurred. This person is “playing” at being a Dom. No real Dom would consider these actions smart, safe or sane. I agree with the others—— RUN!
DaddyLvsHisgrl​(dom male)
1 year ago • 11/11/2019 5:12 pm
DaddyLvsHisgrl​(dom male) • 11/11/2019 5:12 pm
witty bratty sub wrote:
If it is going to be a good relationship it will still be so in a few months also. You both may be correct in your feelings and thoughts and desires and if that's the case GREAT! However you really want to be sure and if he really values you he will also. You give the power, you are in control of who has control.

If you still have my email, send me a message icon_wink.gif
You Can Call Me Al​(dom male)
1 year ago • 11/11/2019 7:25 pm
You Can Call Me Al​(dom male) • 11/11/2019 7:25 pm
You've received some great advice, but I suspect you knew that before you posted. Here is a wee bit of advice from me, if it hasn't already been said. If you have to ask the question, you probably already know the answer. If there is enough doubt to make you go, hmmm... Then you need to listen to that doubt.
LongerJohnny​(dom male)
4 months ago • 11/21/2020 1:16 am
LongerJohnny​(dom male) • 11/21/2020 1:16 am
Meeshy, it's been over a year since we all had this conversation. I really want to check in with you to see how you are doing now and ask about how things went.
Unfortunately you and I can't send pms to one another so I'm posting this here. Please catch me up.
Hoping you are well,
Miki​(masochist female)
4 months ago • 11/21/2020 4:36 am
Miki​(masochist female) • 11/21/2020 4:36 am
I'm curious as to how this all shook out too. It's an old thread so whatever was going to happen, either did or didn't. By now this thing is 7 pages long and I don't have the time to read every post, did anyone ask/see what she meant by "breeding" her? Did that mean he wanted to make babies or breed her with others? The latter would not surprise me.

But for what that is all worth, it sounds like shit-coated l situation. Dominants dominate but that dude is overbearing. Never switch the phone to his provider, etc. It's a line of communication in case a domineering dom turns out to be a crazed creep.
petiteluna​(sub female)
4 months ago • 11/21/2020 5:18 am
petiteluna​(sub female) • 11/21/2020 5:18 am
I’m not expert, but in my experience, a good Dom wants you to be comfortable and make sure you’re going at a pace that you’re good with. Seems like he tryna cuff you real fast...kinda sus to me. Be safe friend 💜 if you need to talk to someone!!! Please dm me!
Miki​(masochist female)
4 months ago • 11/21/2020 6:55 am
Miki​(masochist female) • 11/21/2020 6:55 am
I agree completely. Even for a situation based over a good deal of time and not a few days (at the time O P wrote header) -- should not go down like that. She is 23 (at time of post) and too young for that sort of... imprisonment.