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Enamored Dominant or Just a Lunatic?

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Taramafor​(sub male)
3 months ago • 11/26/2020 6:04 pm
Taramafor​(sub male) • 11/26/2020 6:04 pm
Quote: He had a mixture of mental issues going on towards the end of our relationship which I’ve later determined was likely due to the stress he was going through from trying to hide that he got another girl pregnant.

Fear then. That's why he kept it hidden btw. If he's not able to be upfront with you then that's a danger, regardless of what the partner is like.

As for his other flaws, just remember, you have your own. At the end of the day it's about being there for each other and supporting each other. Maybe he wants too but just doesn't know how. The question on my mind is if you asked. When people struggle that much, in my experience people that are younger tend to get wrapped up in all the stress and forget to go "What can we do about this bad moment we're in."

That actually includes me when it was my first relationship. I'm more capable then ever right now. But back then? Thought didn't occur to me at all. Was too busy fixating on the negatives. Instead of what I can do. So I'm wondering if was like that with you.
SubtleHush​(sub female)
3 months ago • 11/24/2020 12:16 am
SubtleHush​(sub female) • 11/24/2020 12:16 am
meeshymeesh "So yeah no serial killer, just a cereal killer. Thanks so much for renewing this thread, it's been nice reflecting on the support as well as my own growth throughout the past year. I'm always open for questions or to explain things that seemed vague or unclear since younger me wasn't exactly as thorough as I could've been."
.................
Hi Meeshy, I"m late to this conversation so I might repeat.

Reading your original message all I could see were used car salesmen rushing you around the lot. I've been around over 2 decades and these "rush you off the market" guys are not new. They rush to collar, they rush to own, they rush to dominate. And they want you dizzy with excitement and distracted so you don't re-engage your brain. Over the years I've seen several women who moved to be with the Dom of their dreams. As fast as it started, it ended and they were alone in a different place with none of what they left behind.

You have to have your own security so that you can choose without the bum's rush as we used to call it.

If this comes your way again, and it probably will, ask yourself these questions..

Would you lend him your car?
Would you let him have your credit card?
Would you let him house sit?
Baby sit? Pet sit?

If it's too soon to lend him your tangible things. It is clearly too soon to trust him with your life and your body.

I don't allow a rush to dominance, but prefer to get to know the man first. That helps me keep my head on straight. And it hurts less if we don't go forward as planned.

You are worth waiting for. Don't let anyone 'sell' you something too good to be true.

Hush
LongerJohnny​(dom male)
3 months ago • 11/23/2020 4:51 pm
LongerJohnny​(dom male) • 11/23/2020 4:51 pm
Meeshy,

You handled your business, and younger you would be proud 😄

Rebooting this thread got everyone's attention so apparently you can always find us here.

I'll check in on you in another year!

LJ
meeshymeesh​(sub female){Quackers}
3 months ago • 11/23/2020 4:23 pm
meeshymeesh​(sub female){Quackers} • 11/23/2020 4:23 pm
Hey LJ ,

No worries, I see that a lot of people had chimed in after my other update on the thread and in my messages. Some of the messages I received on this matter weren't very useful and actually ticked me off a bit. A lot of people here thought he was a serial killer of some sort but he really wasn't like I don't even think I could explain how I knew, but I took my time and am observant and quickly knew he was inexperienced after meeting up with him. Again, I really appreciate some of you genuinely caring folks on here. I'm actually still reading through a lot of these posts and see that a lot of people put in a lot of time and effort in their responses which meant a lot.

Farther along in the relationship it turned out that he was a mama's boy and the two of them were actually working together to basically trap me smh. His mom confessed that she knew he was quite immature for his age (I mean bro's living space was unclean, he had clothes laying all over the floor, etc.). She knew I was a good catch for him and she did everything she could to make sure I stuck around and encouraged me to help him out. The only thing he had going for him was a decent job that allowed him to live so trashy. I actually worked with him on a lot of those issues but it got out of hand and I had to wash my hands of him. It got to the point that his mom was buying furniture for us after I had clearly let him and her know that I was not interested in moving in with him until he could prove he was more mature which I estimated to be some years. The time that I did date him was less BDSM and more like raising a grown ass kid.

So yeah no serial killer, just a cereal killer. Thanks so much for renewing this thread, it's been nice reflecting on the support as well as my own growth throughout the past year. I'm always open for questions or to explain things that seemed vague or unclear since younger me wasn't exactly as thorough as I could've been.

Much Love ❤
Meeshy Meesh
Master Havok​(dom male)
3 months ago • 11/22/2020 9:42 pm
Master Havok​(dom male) • 11/22/2020 9:42 pm
Going forward, I wish that when someone young or whoever they may be asks for advice or guidance that there be more consideration for the person (who might feel dumb or scared to ask already) . But luckily I was able to look past some of the remarks and get that a lot of you guys were genuinely concerned and I thank you all for that.
I feel like this post will now serve as a good example for other people who get into relationships and have some of the same doubts or even find fear in asking for advice.

I apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable. I tried to outline that the "dom" himself was pushing too hard and to be wary. I also read your profile and knew you had been on the site and probably had made it made it through unscathed. I saw it as a very good teaching scenario for others, Dom and sub.
It's very easy to get excited when you meet someone who seems perfect. It's also fairly easy for someone to claim something they are not. I believe in the old saying "Patience is a virtue."
LongerJohnny​(dom male)
3 months ago • 11/22/2020 9:30 pm
LongerJohnny​(dom male) • 11/22/2020 9:30 pm
Meeshy,

I figured I should say something since I was responsible for restarting this whole conversation. I was just saying hi - I didn't think additional posts would happen!

I'm very relieved that you are all good. The response to your request for advice was overwhelming but I assure you it truly was meant as guidance and consideration, and out of genuine concern for you. I promise no one here thought you were stupid, in fact everyone thought you did exactly the smart thing by asking. So many of us have seen situations where an inexperienced sub is preyed on by or severely taken advantage of.

We had the best intentions, and I admit the Daddy part of me felt the sudden urge to come running to your rescue so I apologize for piling on during that whole conversation.

Good to hear from you, and well done avoiding serial killers!

LJ
Byrdie​(dom female){rl only}
3 months ago • 11/22/2020 7:02 pm
Byrdie​(dom female){rl only} • 11/22/2020 7:02 pm
@Meeshy - I literally just checked your profile to see how long it’d been since you last logged on, what your relationship status was, and then checked your forum posts to see if you’d updated this thread.

I’m glad that you did your research, asked some opinions, and scooted before things got too weird.

Go, you.
meeshymeesh​(sub female){Quackers}
3 months ago • 11/22/2020 6:31 pm
meeshymeesh​(sub female){Quackers} • 11/22/2020 6:31 pm
Just another quick update guys, since forum post is back popping again.

We officially broke up last April, I had called it quits early May. Turns out he was more wanting to go through the motions of life (get married, have kids) as if life was a business deal. I didn’t end up pregnant lol nor was I close. I didn’t intend on getting pregnant or even engaged to someone like that that fast. I think that’s what made him lose interest in me. He had a mixture of mental issues going on towards the end of our relationship which I’ve later determined was likely due to the stress he was going through from trying to hide that he got another girl pregnant. So lesson learned here folks.

Sure I was young and dumb last year but I feel like some of y’all could at least cut me a little slack for at least questioning and investigating the relationship before actually having a kid with the guy lol. He also was not a serial killer, I’m smarter than what some of y’all wanna give credit for but that’s besides the point.

Going forward, I wish that when someone young or whoever they may be asks for advice or guidance that there be more consideration for the person (who might feel dumb or scared to ask already) . But luckily I was able to look past some of the remarks and get that a lot of you guys were genuinely concerned and I thank you all for that.
I feel like this post will now serve as a good example for other people who get into relationships and have some of the same doubts or even find fear in asking for advice.

A brat as always,
Meeshy
LongerJohnny​(dom male)
3 months ago • 11/22/2020 10:28 am
LongerJohnny​(dom male) • 11/22/2020 10:28 am
Geez I seem to have opened up a whole wormy can. This thread is over a year old so I'm certain our advice on the subject is long since obsolete.
I was just saying hi, checking in.
ILCC​(sub gender queer)
3 months ago • 11/22/2020 12:26 am
ILCC​(sub gender queer) • 11/22/2020 12:26 am
I want to caution you about this. Maybe it is of some experiences that I have had, but this makes me nervous, mostly because the time thing. He seems to think that you should already know exactly what he wants and how he wants it right now, that is all well and good once you learn about each other, but this is too early for that.