Enamored Dominant or Just a Lunatic?

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Nov 20, 2020

Meeshy, it's been over a year since we all had this conversation. I really want to check in with you to see how you are doing now and ask about how things went.
Unfortunately you and I can't send pms to one another so I'm posting this here. Please catch me up.
Hoping you are well,
LJ

You Can Call Me Al​(dom male) • Nov 11, 2019

You've received some great advice, but I suspect you knew that before you posted. Here is a wee bit of advice from me, if it hasn't already been said. If you have to ask the question, you probably already know the answer. If there is enough doubt to make you go, hmmm... Then you need to listen to that doubt.

DaddyLvsHisgrl​(dom male) • Nov 11, 2019

If you still have my email, send me a message

Pirate Queen • Nov 5, 2019

3 or 4 days? No way! You don’t even know this person, how can you contemplate moving in with them? I was seeing someone for a year (dating/playing) before even talk of moving in occurred. This person is “playing” at being a Dom. No real Dom would consider these actions smart, safe or sane. I agree with the others—— RUN!

notavanilla • Nov 5, 2019

He is a dominant and what he is doing is what dominants do, dominating.
You are submitting but ...
You are being presented with some decisions to make.
You are being asked to move in with a person you haven't met yet.
You are also being asked to agree with a contract with someone you haven't met yet.
Actions speak louder than words but you have no real actions in person but just words.
Is he a lunatic?
This has not at all been determined but he may be a control freak.
Advice is to proceed with caution. Meet him, see his place, discuss this relationship and this no limit contract and other important aspects of this relationship. Invest wisely when your instincts tell you that you feel more comfortable in this relationship.
You see you wrote because your instincts were out of line with this situation. Revisit them and see those things that seem to give you the willies in this new found friend. Validate a few things before you jump.

notavanilla

evergrey​(sub female){Ashigeru} • Nov 4, 2019

This is a massive econo-pack of red flags. No no nononono no!

You are both still real people with real needs. You cannot possibly know one another well enough, after a few days, to get involved in a relationship like this! I take it this is your first ever dom? One you haven't even met in person yet?

GURL RUN.

I don't know if this guy has any real world experience or not, but people like this prey on those who are new and don't know any better. Do not do this. Do not. Please. I've been a very active member of the BDSM community, IRL, for decades and no, this is not normal, this is not healthy, this is not how things are done. No no no!

You need to get to know people IRL in your local community, if there is one, and talk to them about this. No BDSM contract is legally binding anyway, but with only a few days of talking, he doesn't see you as a person, just a fantasy and maybe easy prey. Effective predators seem nice, charming, and will present themselves as a dream come true. That's what makes them effective.

Stop. Think. Get past the sub frenzy. Are you really going to bring children in, to be raised with this stranger? He is a stranger. You don't know him. You know what he has decided to tell you, and don't even know if any of that is true.

Just, please, please, please don't go anywhere alone with this person. Take a year or two getting to know them AT LEAST, much of it in person, before moving in with them, before having children with them. Make sure you are talking to experienced people in the BDSM community to get reality checks.

What is this guy's reputation? What do former partners say about him? What do other people in his local community have to say about them? Can you ask people in the local IRL community about him, and what do they know?

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Nov 3, 2019

I call BS! My Dom and I have been together for 2 months now and he has yet to even collar me, let alone FORCE me to move in, and that is EXACTLY what he is doing.

Submissive, not doormat.

Being a submissive is a place of power. You use your submissiveness as a tool to get his mind where YOU need it to be to satisfy YOUR needs. A Dom's needs are to feel in control. This guy....THIS guy wants someone to bully around. Subs ALWAYS....ALLLLWAYS have the right to say no.

Run! Very far and very fast!

John Brownstone​(dom male) • Nov 2, 2019

For him to be making such demands after only a 4-5 days of talking to me is a HUGE red flag. Changing phone providers and talking about moving in together is way to fast. If it was 5 months not days I'd say maybe, add into that the fact that neither of you have even met yet.

Building trust takes time in D/s lots more time then less then a week of speaking on the phone.

D/s and especially a power exchange (to me) is the icing on the cake of building a relationship, one where you get to know each other as people first then slowly begin factor in D/s.
In order to take care of a submissive/slave/babygirl or how ever one identifies you have to know that person, understand them at a deep level. The same for serving a Master/Daddy, etc, you have to know them and what it takes to serve that person.

I would be very concerned for your safety and yeah have to go with lunatic.

SoaringFree​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2019

No,no,no! Even if this is the type of dynamic you crave, it takes weeks or months to build up the trust to hand yourself over to a Dom. We've all been in online relationships that over this time period we learn it wasn't a right fit. Someone mentioned the sub frenzy, which I've personally experienced. Ive also heard there is a Dom frenzy. The need for control is so overwhelming, unsafe, not rational demands are made.
Please be safe and insist on a slower pace. If he refuses, it's best to leave now and not risk your safety.

courtneyliveslife​(sub female) • Nov 1, 2019

it Seems like you are justifying his actions based on the fact that he has fallen in love with you deeply/ immediately.
D/s relationships are meant to bring a deeper connection to those involved and I think that’s a huge draw for a lot of people.
But even if his feeling are genuine, and you are the first person he’s done this to... aka I love you lets get married and move in and have babies because your the sub for me.
Then as a Dom he has a responsibility to have great self control. One of the things I love about the idea of a D/s relationship is that You can fully trust a Dom to know what’s best for you.
showing self control is a major way to earn trust.
I wouldn’t want to give myself to a man who cant control his own emotions at all. And goes with his every whim. Imagine what that would look like in a relationship.
If he has good intentions which I’m doubting, and he just is too eager, he is not ready for you, or anyone for that matter.
What are you looking for ? Is this what you want ?
He seems weak to me.
( just a different perspective, hoping that you can see it in a different way. But basically I agree with what most people are saying.
Red flags)