Would you ever tell them?

slaveMikayla​(sub female){MstrJ } • Aug 11, 2020

I actually told my family last summer. It was important to me to do so. My mom is getting on in age. She has always been my biggest cheerleader but has never understood my relationships. to be fair the vast majority of them were unhealthy and negative prior to this last one. In explaining me I was also taking the chance to share my growth with her. I actually used part of a blog that a dear woman wrote on here which resonated with me deeply, and then my own reply to it. I explained to her that I had a Dominant/Daddy, and who and what he was to me.
It was healing for us both. She came out to the living room where I was sleeping and handed me some colored pencils and some notecards that were adult coloring cards. It was her way of saying she accepted me.
Last summer she had the chance to meet and speak with my ex Daddy a few times. He also met my Dad before he passed away. He was the first man my Dad approved of.
My son who is grown also met my Daddy and understood in general, the dynamic. It was a really important point of connection there as well. My son had some very frank talks with me about his own self, and it was very very important. We have had a much better relationship since.

A few close friends of mine are also aware, usually because they have stumbled across something on the internet and come to talk to me wide eyed. At which point I explain me.
I don't like to hide who I am, but i also dont put me in anyone's face either. I've no need to flaunt my kink to the world, but I do not like hiding either.

~Faith.

Feileks​(switch female) • Aug 11, 2020

They know, although do not understand it. I'm not really close with them, and when things started to drift apart, the less I would try to explain. I don't really like having to walk on eggshells. It's why I prefer to have friends in the lifestyle, or at the very least, people who understand it and don't care.

Mama Bear JJ​(dom female){koa} • Aug 12, 2020

While my kinks and the lifestyle aren't something I would necessarily use as an out of nowhere conversation starter with family, friends, or strangers ... there are very few situations in which I wouldn't openly discuss both if asked or if it is something relevant is the topic of discussion.

That said, I will generally limit what aspects or how much I discuss based on the context, who the person is, and whether or not it is safe to discuss something. If it is someone who knows me or has access to my life, and I don't know them well enough to trust what they will do with what is said, I might be more careful and limit what I say. On the other if it is a complete stranger/someone online who doesn't know me/have that access or someone I know well enough then I would be more willing to be open to discussing more.

In either situation, I think the most important thing to keep in mind is whether or not the person or the situation is one in which you feel like you would be heard and understood, and to what extent. Don't mistake that for requiring agreement. People don't have to agree with you to hear you or understand where you are coming from. If it is someone incapable of doing either, someone prone to close-mindedness and judgment, don't waste your time or risk your personal privacy and safety.

KnottyBunny • Aug 12, 2020

I was outed by a former partner, not even a Dom, just someone who thought spanking and pulling hair was being dominant.

My mother asked me about it and I was honest and she told me that I need to get therapy. My response to her was "What do you think I am doing?"

j prince​(sadist male){J.Prince} • Aug 12, 2020

About four of my friends know, three of them are subs one of them is a vanilla. I told two of them in an anything goes gc we started where we basically just played ToD w/ a deviant sexual twist. That chat wound up getting discovered and I was used as a scapegoat and ousted as a pariah in my friend group, although my identity as a sadist wasnt revealed to my knowledge, everyone just thought I was a creep (quick note this happened yrs ago and I didn't start the chat lmao.) The other sub was actually the one who gave a name to my identity and the vanilla is my best friend. My parents forced it out of me yrs ago but didn't rly believe me so I'm safe there lmao. Personally I'd never tell my family ab my lifestyle for many reasons

ribbonbaby{Guarded} • Aug 14, 2020

I have told my brother, but other than my husband, no one else knows, IRL. I don't plan on telling anyone. I don't see it happening. My family would not understand in the slightest.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Aug 14, 2020

Would I ever tell anyone ? Only if they explicitly asked for details. Otherwise, I keep it to the normal level of stuff you tell friends about a vanilla relationship and leave people to find their own labels for our dynamic. It’s not really anyone’s business.

WickedDom​(dom male) • Aug 14, 2020

I don't advertise, but I also don't hide or deny what I am. I think that's disingenuous. I spend a lot of time trying to get people to open up and accept themselves, so, to bury what I am, that sends the wrong signal. Not saying you can't be discreet, but that's more low key versus hiding or keeping a secret.

I have some close friends who know about my lifestyle. My exes know, and have told others. Same with previous subs. If I go out to the local bars, I usually get asked about the lifestyle from someone who may have just read or watched 50 Shades, although lately it's been that 365 movie. I get messages from vanillas that I know on social media too. I have no issues discussing the lifestyle, I just don't go deep dive into my personal details. I just try to answer respectfully and honestly, and understand that if they are asking they likely have some interest in the lifestyle. I would rather give them good information, perhaps adjust their expectations and improve the perspective they got of the lifestyle from mainstream media. I've seen way too many go diving into the deep end with the first douche who claimed to be a Dom, only to get turned off by the lifestyle all together.

WickedDom​(dom male) • Aug 14, 2020

I don't advertise, but I also don't hide or deny what I am. I think that's disingenuous. I spend a lot of time trying to get people to open up and accept themselves, so, to bury what I am, that sends the wrong signal. Not saying you can't be discreet, but that's more low key versus hiding or keeping a secret.

I have some close friends who know about my lifestyle. My exes know, and have told others. Same with previous subs. If I go out to the local bars, I usually get asked about the lifestyle from someone who may have just read or watched 50 Shades, although lately it's been that 365 movie. I get messages from vanillas that I know on social media too. I have no issues discussing the lifestyle, I just don't go deep dive into my personal details. I just try to answer respectfully and honestly, and understand that if they are asking they likely have some interest in the lifestyle. I would rather give them good information, perhaps adjust their expectations and improve the perspective they got of the lifestyle from mainstream media. I've seen way too many go diving into the deep end with the first douche who claimed to be a Dom, only to get turned off by the lifestyle all together.

Would you ever tell them?

banditswild • Aug 14, 2020

My absolute best friend knows. Other than him no one knows. I will eventually tell my son when he is of age.