On repeat in my head....

SirPain​(dom male) • Nov 4, 2019

I know that "ghosting" can be painful. I know because I myself have been ghosted. I've been ghosted, on this site and several others, to the point that I've lost count. I've also become somewhat immune to it. I know this probably sounds strange coming from someone who is a dominant and a sadist but, I used to have faith in humanity and always thought people to be honest with what they were saying to me. Now I take every message with a grain of salt and an ounce of skepticism. Sometimes I wonder if maybe the "subs/slaves" who are contacting me are possibly just cops trying to make a bust on the internet. I had one, on another site, suggest that I take her and her three girls in and that we all be in house nudists. Two were preteens and the other just barely a teen. Finally, after much discussions about how wrong that was her profile was suddenly "deleted." I guess I just didn't fall for that one. And yes, she ghosted me. I remember when people posted in actual magazines (you had to find them in your local porn shops) with an ad number that you could reply to, then if the person wanted to talk to you they would call you (you had to leave your phone number in your response to the ad). And then there was the possibility of them changing their phone number (that was the preferred method of ghosting at that time). Today, you find someone on a site like this, or similar sites, and start an online conversation. Things seem to be going well and then...BOOM...they're gone. I don't care what site you go to, there will always be "gamers" on sites like this. Can you weed them out? Some, but unfortunately, not all. When someone send me a message before I reply I always check their profile. If their profile is blank or has very little information I rarely, if at all, reply to the message. This is my preferred method of vetting someone, maybe it's a good method, maybe not, but it's the best way I know to hopefully prevent being ghosted.

notavanilla • Nov 5, 2019

Using a song to help you cope with something negative can bring some relief but if it continues to track then you go back to square one, over and over again. This may not help you get out of a rut. Get a second song that can get you to square two and a bit distant from square one.
Something bit your soul here.
All relationships are an investment of self. You invested a lot of yourself and you did not get the desired return. This happens but not to really suggest that you did wrong here but if you invest,, invest wisely.
How do you know, you may ask.
Does anyone have a one shot answer for this, well truthfully no but you could allow your instincts to play a deeper role in your relationship investments and not so much on your head/heart.

There is a lot of scattered memories here but like a messed up room you can sift through them and collect good and bad and find a way to file each in your mind in their proper places and just keep on, keeping on.

notavanilla

Pirate Queen • Nov 5, 2019

Ya, ghosting does suck. And having a song stuck in your head that reminds you of it or them really sucks too! Right now I have this one stuck in my head:

https://youtu.be/-jA1k-nTxSo

LordofPain56 • Nov 8, 2019

Not that it's related, but I keep hearing the song played in my head; More, more, more by the Andrea True connection, released in 1976. Yes it was a disco song and I never paid much attention to it at the time, but now somehow, every word and melody of that song plays in my head when I lay down to sleep at night.
I know, lame!

You Can Call Me Al​(dom male) • Nov 8, 2019

Step aside, son, step aside....

notavanilla • Nov 30, 2019

We have been posting on this for the last few weeks.
Did you ever get that song out of your head?
Sorry about any reminder but did anything we tell you help?

Curious

notavanilla

Invisible​(sub female) • Dec 1, 2019

Notavanilla,
It touched me that you came back to check in on me.
I have, for the most part, moved on. There are things I would like to say to him, but I can't; answers I'll never get. It sucks, but that's life.
Music and nature are my solace. That's where I turned to heal.
Someone here reached out and encouraged me to talk it out - let the hurt out. That was difficult, but really helped.

There's always a song stuck in my head, but it's not that one anymore.

SoftLily​(sub female) • Feb 3, 2020

That really struck a nerve with me right now. Had a great experience and then was blocked for no reason.

Erick​(sub male) • Feb 3, 2020

Well, I'll be the devil's advocate here, and make the case in DEFENSE of ghosting.

1) It's not the end of the world. You'll live.

2) It's the internet. What did you really expect?

3) And pluswhich: Where exactly do you draw the line? Here's what I mean:

I recently carried on for a few weeks exchanging sexy messages with a guy who amused me and I amused him, and we got into it pretty heavy. We were exchanging hot stuff four or five times a day, and sending each other pix and buying sex toys for each other, etc. And then we got tired of it. Our love withered. I think he got tired of me first. But it was sort of mutual. And the messages gradually deteriorated to stuff like "Wussup." and "Yah, right." Etc. And then we just stopped. And I think he may have been the last one to post. So does that mean that I was the one who was "ghosting"? Or did the thing just die of natural causes. No fault, no blame.

xwillowx{Not lookin} • Feb 3, 2020

Being ghosted was the best thing that happened to me. I will always appreciate the five weeks we had but him leaving made me stronger and gave me a different perspective. I am now speaking with a man I couldn't have even described to you before I met him. He's far but after two weeks we have already solidified plans to meet. Date and place confirmed.

If I have any advice to give it's this: This is a journey. Take the positives from your experience with him and let him go. Take your time doing so. Your body will tell you when you're ready. Then move on. And open up. You have a goal. To serve the right man. Be the female that future man deserves to have.

You got this