Do true subs males exist anymore? This was asked in sub women for males but I would like to see the

Knightsundere​(sub male) • Jan 13, 2020

@ambicurious

.. damn. Sorry for being quick, that is an absolutely brutal experience to have lived through. Sometimes I forget that my perspective is from top to bottom made of the modern era (I was born in 00), so it's legitimately difficult to imagine that many people acting in such a way for what's nowadays a.. semi-normal event.
You're probably right though. People's opinions and views can change, but like anything else that grows, the layers underneath will always remain. Thanks for sharing man, opened my eyes a little.

ambicurious • Jan 13, 2020

@Knightsundere

Thanks. I too often post comments without proof reading them, not just for grammar but for ways to reword the comment to more accurately convey my intended message. The way I worded my first post left it a bit ambiguous as to my point of view. I thought you were a young fellow from your photo. And you express a refreshing point of view one seldom hears from people of my age group.

I think you and your peers need not worry about my experience, as older people recognize that attitudes and norms are different for the young generation so there is an acceptance of alternative lifestyles for young people. Companies also don't want to be sued and now have HR departments eager to protect employees from a hostile environment. There are safeguards in place now. In the early 90s the Internet was wide open; it was viewed as personal communication much like a letter instead of as a public forum. This was before social media. They really didn't have any body of law regulating it. So if my photos were posted somewhere online at that time, and I suspect they probably were, even if I had found out about it I don't know if there would have been anything I could have done about it from a legal standpoint. (Not everyone viewed me with contempt. I could tell there were people acting very concerned about me. They just wouldn't tell me anything. Those 'good intentions' hurt me worse than anything else though. Someone else was making decisions whether I should be told about something which destroyed my professional and personal life. I didn't get a say in the matter.)

I don't think the same thing could happen to someone of your age. Your peers would alert you if you were treated in a similar manner, but I think it just wouldn't happen in the first place. Things have changed.
Older guys like me will still be judged by our peers, to a large extent, by the standards and norms imprinted upon us from our youth. For many of us, there can still be negative repercussions, except in the predominantly liberal regions of the country.

Thanks again for you reply. Best regards

Sub males are out there

Rich527​(sub male){Not collar} • Jan 14, 2020

Sub males are out there , yes there are a lot of fakes out there there is no doubt about that , but there are fakes on both sides . In the world of cyberspace one should be cautious if they are to meet the one in which they are searching for . There a lot of people out there with no so good intentions and there are those that have good intentions. It’s tough to meet the one in which your kinks are all aligned . So is finding someone who lives close, is realistic , and is who they say they are ... I’m real but with this lifestyle like being single it’s all a crap shoot to meet someone who is who they say they are ..

bboislut​(sub male) • Jan 14, 2020

So.. What is a real male sub and what is a fake one?

Rich527​(sub male){Not collar} • Jan 14, 2020

One who leads the person on who they are talking too then does nothing that’s a fake .

bboislut​(sub male) • Jan 14, 2020

That seems like a total waste of everyone's time. Its really difficult to find like minded people. I get that everyone's protecting their privacy so i cant imagine the concept of misleading someone who has taken interest! in my own

asubmissivetoy​(sub gender fluid) • Jan 14, 2020

I've followed this thread for a few days now, and while a lot of this was already covered in some fashion, I still wanted to leave my opinion on the matter, in the event that it is helpful to someone. There is going to be some generalizations here and there to provide context...

Outside of the kink community, being submissive is often equated with being weak. In some aspects outside the kink community, being "weak" is still ok. For instance, an attractive woman can often identify as submissive, even in the vanilla world, and there are plenty of people, kink related or not, that find that attractive. While this might also be the case in some places for submissive men, it's hardly ever portrayed in anything but a negative light.

Add on the fact that so much of the online kink-D/s community seems to be comprised more of two types of people.
1. Non kinky people thinking they can surf through the scene on occasion for a quick hookup or the occasional quick fun.
2. The types (men and wemon both) of people who identify as a dominant, but have no idea what being a dominant actually means and are just using the title to try and get something they see as exciting, or that might make them easy money.

As if those weren't enough of a barrier on their own, then you have to include the reality that the actual number of real dominants that are both local, and that aren't going to give you a hard time, or sneer at you because your a man that identifies as submissive, and that barrier is suddenly more like a mountain range, and your equiped with the most ineffectual gear possible for that journey.

If all of that wasn't enough to disuade you, and beat you down to the point of wondering if it's worth it to keep advertising and looking, then you might be lucky enough to actually think you've found someone that could work out, and you would finally be able to both get what that part of you needs, and be able to give someone else what they're looking for. But then you get ghosted 2 months into getting serious. Or the person suddenly decides that they are no longer dominant cause they weren't actually sure to start with.
Or you've been really really careful with this latest person, and your just talking online for now, and not getting too attached, and then a night finally roles around and you feel like it might be ok to start on some basic tasks and see how things go. So you get an hour or so into some play for the first time, and the person is suddenly asking for money to take things further, even though you stressed multiple times that you aren't interested in findom in the slightest.

And when you've picked yourself up from that, and finally come to the conclusion that you just have to keep at it, and eventually, through the process of elimination, and with much perseverance, that you'll eventually find someone, that's when you suddenly spend a random three weeks getting the most offensive, assuming, demanding and derogatory messages so far, back to back, for seemingly no reason.

It's enough to make you start wondering what you might be doing wrong. For the most part though, and this is still something I have to remind myself of, there's nothing "wrong" with you. The numbers just aren't in your favor. Don't stop posting, don't stop looking. Go to muches, place and update adds, bump thread posts and personals.

Cause there are real dominants out there, they just can't always find the submissives, for the same reasons...

Meg​(dom female){NotLooking} • Jan 14, 2020

I am so so so sorry that you had to go through this. I wish you were born in a different time, when people weren't so ignorant and judgemental.



or that person became uncomfortable with the situation and thought it best to leave before things went too far. You can't be sure why someone severs contact.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jun 1, 2020

Was so happy to discover this thread this morning, so many thoughtful and insightful replies.

i too like the "spectrum" theory thinking of it as not only linear, but multidimensional (iow, "it's complicated). i discovered this thread inadvertently while reading through gay Dom male profiles turned up using the search engine here. It's not my first time doing that since i have been here, but i typically end up feeling rejected and disqualified reading those profiles and ads by things like "looking for a young,...." or the first few lines are demanding "complete" this or "total" that from someone they have never met or interacted with? Or they are the few word profiles or ads: "Strict but fair Dom looking for sub who knows their place (and will do my dishes too.)" i tried expanding the search to Bi Dom males, but gave up fairly early on because they kept talking about "she," or "her," and i again felt like they were't referring to me (even though they could call me that and i'd wear lace panties for them, i don't get the impression i'm what they are looking for by what they write lol, sigh).
So, your point:
"A Dom/Domme is probably more inclined to define a sub using personal standards/preferences- wanting to ~make~ them fit their expectations rather than accept the more basic (and less interesting) fact that a sub is a unique individual and He/She may be the factor that doesn't actually fit in the situation. "
That resonates and relates to my more frequent experience.
i don't think my indviduallity makes me less interesting, but understand that chemistry is part of "interesting." i'm encouraged by the number of Dom's here who do not think they are going to ~make~ their sub "fit," but understand that part of intitial communication is to determine "fit," (compatability).

i think you are spot on about a Dom being more inclined to "make" a fit, and sub inclined to "concede" a fit, and there seems to be few who try it on first to determine fit before 'purchase.' Communication, eh?

i'm a male with a submissive nature. i can trace my sub nature back to age 6-7, though i had no understanding of it at that age. In fact, i learned how to hide and cover that part of me pretty well by the time i was 12 or 13, for survival. Retrospectively, i can see it clearly in all sorts of places.

"I also feel like there are probably many male subs who haven't had the experience or are even aware of their potential preferences."

^^^This^^^

More generally, i think that relationship is a big part of the process of self discovery and self expression. Everyone is at a different place of self discovery, and not everyone knows how to express the parts of their self even if they are aware. One of my most profound experiences was with a Dom who saw something in me and knew how to bring it to the surface. He ended up owning a piece of me forever because of it lol, but it wasn't even on my radar until He showed me that part of myself. Which is a really poor way to explain what happened. The reality was, He saw something in me that He needed and wanted and i had a reciprocal response of need and want. Attraction, chemistry and bond. wow.

i think reality is, Dom or sub is a state of being, but also a continuous journey of self discovery, learning how to express and finding people to express that with?

Taramafor​(sub male) • Jun 3, 2020

Hmm. "True". I'm going to take that to mean "Someone willing to learn, challenge and confront while knowing to fall in line".

Think I was talking about just subs? Nope. BOTH have to do that.

A sub with a spine that can challenge a dom and keeps them engaged and active. The dom might smack you across the face when you're an insubordinate son of a bitch, but that's when I pick up on the warning and just focus on making the best of things when told. It's little different then a standard couple arguing then focusing on having a good time. Only this tends to involve less yelling and more certainty due to orders being pretty clear. Honestly, even standard couples benefit from telling each other how to make each other happy. Proper communication will still be needed of course. But controlling a situation keeps things calm.

A dom has to actually take initiative with a sub. To approach them too and keep them in their place. A "true" dom doesn't turn their back on you when a sub gets out of line. Instead they put them in it. And keep them in it. wherever that's done through orders, warnings and intimidation is another matter. If they succeed they know their own skill. If they fail they know their OWN lack of skill. But then they might succeed in the next move. Instead of blaming it on you. some might say they got pushed too hard. I say push harder 'cus it's more effective then soft. Doesn't mean there can't be soft. Just means don't coddle. Treat it like how you'd "tough love talk" to someone. Only it's more involving actions.