Mostly “woe is me” but also, tell me about your firsts!

Re: Mostly “woe is me” but also, tell me about your firsts!

NCarraway​(dom male) • Dec 18, 2019

Miss stasia

I am going to force myself to stop rolling my eyes at MrPain's helpful dump of softporn and bring this conversation back to the original question.
Let me see if I can paraphrase the questions I see....

1. Go easy on a newbie?
Of course its really great when newbies ask interesting questions. In general this tends to be a very educational site with people willing to debate and discuss.

2. I haven't found anyone who really interests me yet
I think it really is a numbers game. This is especially true if you are only responding to messages in your inbox or looking at ads from people looking for partners. As has been said many times men outnumber the women by a huge margin here but a significant portion of those men are not 'keepers' and you really do need to filter those out. Also, you are probably looking for what you imagine to be your 'perfect' Dom, and I'd bet five pounds that he doesn't exist. I'd suggest that you approach any people here that interest you: whether they be Doms or subs or switches, whether they be in relationships or not. If you start dialogue with the intention of learning from them, rather than starting a relationship, then that really takes the pressure off yourself. I think you will find interesting people by lurking in the forums and blogs. By reading what people write you will quickly see who you are drawn to intellectually. The whole approach of: I saw you wrote this ... and it really interested me, could we chat about it sometime? - well, that gets me every time.

4. Will online work for me?
Lets take this one first. I have said this before and will repeat it again. Online is not real life, but, with the right partner, it is very intense, gives you a taste of what the real thing might look like, and allows you to build a skill set that you will need in the future. Some people love online and do it exclusively, some absolutely shun it as a lower form of kink, others have a mix of online/RL or start online and move to RL. I think the only way you will know if it works for you is if you give it a decent go. I have known many people who didn't know what to expect from online and were quite blown-away by the experience. If you are going to give it a good try I'd suggest doing that with someone who is not a newbie just so you have a reasonable chance of a satisfactory experience. An online only experience also has the advantage of you not being tethered geographically. In all likelihood a first online experience will be short and intense (most in my experience are a few weeks to a few months) but you will learn a lot in that time.

3. Where should i meet my first Dom?
I think, if you are a sensible human being who uses her brain and a bullshit detector, that here online at the cage is as good a place as anywhere to look. There are sharks in these waters, but in the world of bdsm there are sharks everywhere. The cage waters are marginally/significantly safer than some other online places. I have met previous partners in places like these - it can happen and it can lead to good, rewarding relationships. I am also a strong advocate of the social side of kink. I found that when I switched to munches and socials the need for validation by 'getting a partner' just slipped away - things became so much calmer and easier. I'd advise finding a local munch and getting involved to build yourself a good kink support network right at the beginning. I am not advising munches as a place to find your first Dom - that's also a bad strategy, but they are rather a place to build a network. I can advise where your nearest is if you wish.

I hope this is useful to you. Do not lose heart miss, there are decent people who are looking for what you are looking for. With effort and perseverance you will find what you need.

Carraway

LordofPain56 • Dec 17, 2019

I don't know where you are, but hopefully you are in a more BDSM friendly area. It's pretty barren here. I've had profiles in many of the popular BDSM personals websites on and off over the past 30 years. Never got a bite off any of them. Most profiles appear to be fake lures put in by the webmasters, and there are a lot of posers, wanna-bes and goofballs with too much time on their hands typing in their one-liner profiles. Bunch of those in here also. You can't place too much hope in finding a partner on the internet. But, this is a pretty good place to go to read the forums.

LordofPain56 • Dec 17, 2019

My first encounter was kinda similar to Dom tangledupinu. But I didn't meet her in a saloon. I was driving down the main drag and a girl flagged me down. I pulled over, she came up to the passenger side car window and asked for a date. I said, you mean you haven't had dinner yet? (being that it was about 9pm). She said, not that kind of a date! I replied, ohhh, well you don't want to come with me babe. I tend to tie my girls up spread-eagle and whip them before I have my way with them. She let out a breath, like it was her last one, opened the door and got in my car. She was scared to death. I said, well look, you can change your mind and I will just drop you off wherever you want, but you don't need to be scared. I will not cause you any injury. She seemed to calm somewhat. When we got to my house, I held her hand and opened the door for her as I naturally would. I could tell she liked that very much and smiled. I pointed to the bathroom and told her she could freshen up if she needed to and take all the time she needed. While she was in there, I went to the kitchen and poured some chilled fruit juice in a glass for her and brought it to the bedroom. When she came out and entered the bedroom naked, I had her stand under the ceiling hook while I applied Velcro wrist and ankle cuffs, the spreader bar for her feet and attached the wrist cuffs to the ceiling hook, stretching her as tight as possible. While doing this, I asked her if she had ever been placed in bondage before and asked her if she felt helpless and vulnerable. She answered no and yes respectively. She had somewhat regained a little fear by now. I assured her that some of the whips might sting, but that I would begin with the softer ones. I gave her a safeword to stop the activity if she got too scared. I started whipping her beautiful butt with a soft leather flogger, moved to her tight belly, breasts, then her pussy, swinging progressively a little harder at each target area. There, that's not so bad is it? I asked. Now she had calmed considerably and smiled. I gave her puss a little rub and got out the next flogger, each one a little harder than the last. By the end of the night, I was swinging my meanest long tailed suede flogger at her butt as hard as I could and she took it like a champ. It was painful for her, but she refused to use the safeword. I can't recall ever being more excited during adult playtime. Best eye-candy I ever saw too! Anyway, gave her my number and took her home. We got together several times over the next year or so, then she dis-appeared.

SheaSubbyButter​(sub female) • Dec 15, 2019

Hey there annabellestasia,

The sense of community is strong and it’s one of the many things I love and that keep me coming back as well as encouraged. It’s so heartwarming to see others making magic happen for themselves and it helps me to see as well as learn.

It’s very nice to online meet you too and I’m hoping for you and all of the other subs as well

See you in “The Cage”

annabellestasia​(sub female) • Dec 15, 2019

Is there another way we can connect - because I read your profile and you’re most definitely my kinda woman who id love to be able to talk further with!

ThirtyFourPointFive • Dec 14, 2019

Thank you for your response annabellestasia.
Yes, the woman defined the word "Obedience". I still have a hard time getting her out of my mind.
Hopefully I will find my final fantasy woman here on "The Cage"...

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Learning } • Dec 14, 2019

I’d say my inbox is always open but since I’m not a premium member, I can’t

But I also hesitated to want to start something online with someone at a distance, I didn’t think I’d be able to really connect or trust them because they were not physically in front of me or easily accessible.

So instead I read blogs and forums and looked into the resources mentioned, just devoured as much as I could.

I spoke to a few Dom’s and the connection wasn’t there, so I also thought meh yeah this isn’t going to happen for me either. But it was a random message one day that I didn’t think was going to turn into anything; that I’m finding is turning into something wonderful. It’ll happen when the time is right, so don’t stress too much. Until then just enjoy meeting people and learning

annabellestasia​(sub female) • Dec 14, 2019

Oh my! What a dream of a woman to be able to keep a man engaged long after you’ve ended! She must have been an exceptional submissive!

annabellestasia​(sub female) • Dec 14, 2019

I can’t say enough how grateful I am for this... I like to think of myself as pretty “wise” but I’d not have thought about half of the advice you’ve given me! I guess perhaps meeting someone off here feels such a long way off, I’d not thought it through.

I love that you met your Dom here, stories like yours give me goosebumps and encourage me to carry on looking... I want to find my version of what you have found!

Thank you so much for your reply - it’s nice to online meet you!

annabellestasia​(sub female) • Dec 14, 2019

Thank you SheaSubbyButter!

What I’m feeling is definitely the sense of community here is strong... I’m so glad I posted as I now have a renewed sense of enthusiasm (and patience! Ha!).

From one romantic to another - I hope you find your Dom too, but until then - it’s so nice to online meet you, I’ll be hanging out in the forums so more so I’ll see you around!