Vetting saved my life!

Vetting saved my life!

Gaeilge Dominus​(sadist male) • Jan 12, 2020

Just a friendly reminder that some can make vetting a bit difficult but well worth the effort.

Avoided a real catastrophe in the making that potentially saved my life if not at least my sanity.

To be frank some are just bat-shit crazy had an experience with a kinkster from this site that was distribing so beware they are out there and can be very unstable.

Getting through the facade can be difficult just glad they showed their true side before I let it get to far.

This is why vetting is so important never know who you'll encounter!
Good luck and be safe!

Erick​(sub male) • Jan 12, 2020

I have heard about this.

There are bat-shit crazy people on this site who are unstable and disturbing.

That's why I always vet them and get through the façade first.

I demand they show me their true side before I let things get too far.

That way, I save my sanity.

Because you never know who you will encounter.

Safety first!

VanDom​(dom male){I will con} • Jan 12, 2020

In my almost 40 years in kink I have seen many really F'd up bat shit crazy people both Doms and subs. I keep trying to tell newbies meet in a neutral safe space first and really talk the first meeting. I rarely play with a newbie the first meeting unless we have talked beforehand many many times. There are far too many instadoms out there who have no clue about what they are doing and could care less about the repurcussions. At the other end I have seen subs who have this set in concrete fantasy about what the scene is they want to participate in. When they find out its not the reality they flip out. Play Safe and Be SMART people!
It takes a long time to get the skill set to be a good Dom esp if they want to get into SM. Whips hurt and can do major damage if you don't know what you are doing. And most have no idea what to do when accidents happen, and they do - often!! Even experienced players have accident. Think about that.

Bunnie • Jan 12, 2020

@ Gaeilge Dominus,

I’m glad to hear you were able to avoid catastrophe. It’s not spoken about often enough that it can occur on both sides of the /.

A male Dominant friend of mine experienced some pretty serious crazy here also, which was a huge eye opener for me to be wary. Luckily he too was able to avoid any harm, however it was enough to do some damage to his trust and confidence in people.

The struggle though, is that it’s difficult to warn people because very rarely does anyone want to look beyond the rose-coloured glasses of a newly budding relationship possibility. Unfortunately it’s only experience that teaches us to do that.

I usually use the sloth technique... move so slowly that predators get bored and move on to a more exciting meal lol.

Adinesidhe • Jan 12, 2020

This can not be stressed enough.

People have been murdered by someone they met on fetish sites.

So please, please, Please avoid going to someones house or somewhere private for a first second or even fourth meeting. Listen to your gut. If red flags are flying back up, point them out, discuss them or just stop talking to them if you are afraid to confront them. you may save yourself and those around you from heart ache.

Emma the graceful​(sub female) • Jan 12, 2020

I am not an advocate for that, as you make them automatically someone else's problem and potentially someone who might have a lack in experience or be more naive then you. So that could end dire for them. I personally think one should report them and have them blocked, if necessary go to the police, depending on the level of crazy. We should stick together as a community and look out for each other and not turn a blind eye to bad people.

I do a thorough online background check, ask them vetting questions, speak to them for a month and then only meet in a public space, if that does not work for you, then your intentions were never sincere.

Also a good point is to ask past subs or doms about the person your interested in, if they or the ex refuse, run a mile. If you have nothing to hide it should not be a problem.

Proper vetting can also prevent heartache, though the best is still listening to your instincts in conjunction with the mentioned safety precautions.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 12, 2020

Vetting is huge for both sides of the whip!!!

Curious Raven​(other female) • Jan 12, 2020

Clearly vetting is critical! Any specific suggestions? Questions you ask?

BuckeyeBabyGirl​(sub female) • Jan 12, 2020

How do you vet someone though? Talk is cheap and if they talk a good game it’s very easy to get swept up. So what questions should be asked? What are the warning flags?

Bunnie • Jan 12, 2020

@ Emma,

Awesome sounds like you’re onto it.


@ Curious Raven,

I was only half joking above when I said I move so slowly they get bored. My vetting process is actually mostly based around time. Consistency in behaviour and in actions matching words.

I agree @ BuckeyeBabyGirl, talk is cheap. Anyone can say anything to make themselves sound good... but can they say and match those same things for over a period of time... like say a year? Yes... that’s how slow my vetting process is lol... I have been told, glacial speed.

But this is not a game for me.

I don’t have the time or energy or inclination to simply treat someone like an online purchase. If we’re interested in each other, time isn’t an issue at all.