Dom man: How to get started? OR How to be a good dom?

Dom man: How to get started? OR How to be a good dom?

hardplay​(dom male) • Jan 12, 2020

Hello everyone,

Some time ago I realized that I prefer a submissive female partner. The idea of taking control of her, and importantly for her to let go and give control to me is very appealing to me. For me this plays on several levels: the emotional connection , and the caring and trust involved.

While I want to be a dom, I am really not sure where to begin. Even before I start looking for a sub, I want to understand what it takes to be a dom.

Well, an online test says I am dominant, but that is not enough!
I don't want to be just taking control, I want to make her trust me and then be able to give me control.
I don't just want to use bondage and switches. I have tried that with willing partners, but at the end of the day it was just pretense. Nothing that I could feel after it was over.

So I am asking here: Where to begin?
I have considered to be a sub, but I do not think I can be one. And I do not want to find a sub and then go through disappointing phase where we both waste our time.

Thanks.

IowaDom​(dom male) • Jan 12, 2020

A really good place to start is to learn who YOU are first and foremost. BDSM encompasses a massive amount of potential areas to explore, some intertwined, some isolated. Once you know you, decide on the type of Dom you wish to be and be true to it. This does not mean don't explore other areas in a safe, sane, and consensual manner with a willing partner, it means don't try to force yourself into areas that truly do not interest you just to have some playtime.

The short answer of being a dom imho is to be willing to protect, nuture, and develop (if needed) a sub if a LTR is what you seek. To do that, you have to get to really know your sub, inside and out. Explore upfront what you sub wants from the dynamic and make sure it meshes with your desires and expectations, perhaps not exactly, but with give and take without crossing limits. Not too long ago I began chatting with a potential sub who was into caning, specifically the kind that leaves welts, breaks skin etc etc. That is definitely a no go for me, so it did not work out.

There are many types of Dom's, explore the types first and see where you identify now. Don't etch that in stone however, it is likely to change the more you explore...

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Jan 12, 2020

hello ,

from a subs point of view, if i may.
i tell new subs this also , know urself and educate your self to what you are into or willing to try. and by educating yourself i mean research , research, and research more. attend munches in your area many have classes on different things.
write down in a journal the effects , thoughts , and such to what you have learned that way you have it and can look back on it in a month or so and see if you think/feel the same way. and then in a year look again and so on.

now i also have some things to say about things you wrote. " I don't want to be just taking control, I want to make her trust me and then be able to give me control. I don't just want to use bondage and switches"

first off you cant truely take control unless the sub trust you and you CANT make that happen. it grows over TIME through talks on phone , messages,emails, whether its RL or video calls. You have to put in the word for someone to trust you fully and is willing to give you control.

Secondly there is a hugh difference between scenes/playtime and actually living the life. to be in the LS (life style) there is SO MUCH more than whips and such , in fact its not about SEX at all. that s not to say there isnt sex just that sex is the cherry on top not the whole thing.

Thirdly a good dom cares for and about their sub, in what ever way he is able to. and helps the sub to become a better person so to say.
that can be helping make sure the sub is eating and eating the right stuff, getting enough sleep, focusing on things,

So say you found a sub one day and everything is going good so you move to betogether and then one day the sub gets ill , or you lose you job . would you leave or would you do things such as cook and clean to help relief the stress on the sub , or go to work and pay all the bills then come home and care for the sub and do the things they cant do due to being ill?

Re: Dom man: How to get started? OR How to be a good dom?

DrWakko • Jan 13, 2020

Sorry Mike Tyson you cant fuck her till she loves you. You can not force someone to trust you. Well I guess you can. It’s called Stockholm syndrome.