The Day Collar

Daddy Time​(dom male) • Jan 18, 2020

Yes thanks for all yourr replys I realize everyone has their opinions and they are certainly entitled to have it and I did ask for it lol. I think even though some thought I was being facetious maybe my wording caught some ppl of guard idk but i spoke with her about it this evening and we may find some alternative necklace for her im still not sure as even the ring I bought her she cannot wear outside the bandits there will literally cut your finger off after they knock you over the head to steal your ring if it doesn’t come off easy. It may be she can only use it in the house. I would feel much better obviously if I were there with her and not traveling the world 300 days per year but once we decide I will update. Once again thanks for the reply’s

SweetSirRendering​(sub female) • Jan 18, 2020

i do have to agree and say, brazil is one of the most dangerous places to be a woman. this combined with high violent crime and theft. i wonder if some of the language chosen was said in fear, motivated by helplessness with not being there. if i may, i would suggest broad generalizations of people be self scrutinized before spoken.

as for a day collar, everything suggested was correct in that it is unnecessary altogether, unless it is something that is meaningful to you both. this can be represented with anything physical including a woven bracelet.

SweetSirRendering​(sub female) • Jan 18, 2020

because it keeps running through my mind

please refrain from any racist utterances as they violate the rules of the site and are hurtful and ignorant besides.

i do not mean to offend either, so please try to understand why this particular element has colored the tone in some of the responses you received.

a point can be conveyed without the aforementioned language.

*always preferable people self reflect, self regulate, find and fix anything making them think in this way.

A Symbol of Your Dynamic

Ilmare​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Jan 18, 2020

It is interesting how everyone queued up on the word rape in the original post.

The original post [I read] as a Dominant listening to his submissive and trying to get advice on a topic that may be controversial in the community. His role is to protect her and she is concerned about unwanted aggressors who may recognize traditional day collars.

The day collar is something I've pondered as I walk this path. It is like the vanilla tradition of a promise ring. Right now, I am alone. Every day I could be walking past a potential Dominant [as dollMaker stated] and not even knowing it. My intention was to use the idea of a day collar to discretely advertise my interests as I cannot always be on The Cage and I am not one for virtual dominance or sexting unless I know what is waiting at home. I also love the idea of carrying his token with me. The idea of wearing something of His or [as Sami A enlightened us] something as simple as carrying a rock in her shoe and caring for it [which was awesomely beautiful btw].

It is that thing she can cling to when you are not by her side. That which represents you and the dynamic you two share. Like a father handing his child a teddy bear before putting her to sleep telling her it will keep the monsters away and keep her safe - and of course more than that because we are all adults here (i hope).

The relevancy in the rape statement for me is that I was considering advertising myself discretely that I was interested in this type of relationship or partner. This would also open up the doors to an unwanted aggressor who recognizes the traditional BDSM symbology has no interest in respecting my boundaries. While I cannot say anything about Brazil, I do live in the NY/NJ Metro. I will be further considering my choice and when I wear it thanks to this post and everyone's observations.

- ill

Re: A Symbol of Your Dynamic

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jan 18, 2020

ill, unless you dress in a leather corset, fishnet stockings, long black shiny boots and carry a whip, while walking down the street no one will have a clue you have any interest in bdsm. The modern fashion world has adopted many trappings from the sort of clothing, costumes that can be seen in some, not all bdsm scenes. Much Goth fashion could be seen as being that sort of thing, as could wearing a choker, leather ones with heart shaped fronts rings etc are common wear among vanillas, because its the fashion. These people are not bdsm people simply those into fashion. It would be very unwise of anyone involved in bdsm to assume anything from that. And as already established the idea of a day collar is to be a symbol that can be worn in every day vanilla, not kink settings, at work etc so these items often will not be in any way obvious, very discrete and even the most experienced will not have a clue what it is, or means. The whole point is that no one will notice, or offer comment.

Now if you want to wear something that does signify a bdsm involvement, even whether sub or dom that is possible. Wearing a Triskelion within a circle will indicate a bdsm interest, and wearing it on the right side indicates being a sub, and on the left a dom. That comes from the hankie code of the bdsm gay community and clubs, where the colour, and side a hankie was worn, hanging out of the back pocket of leather pants or jeans would say what you were into, and what side of the slash you were.

Another indicator, again worn on the left or right hand would be to wear 'a Ring of O', this coming from the 1950s novel Story of O by Pauline Réage where those who have finished training at Roissy are given a ring to wear, to show they have passed through that house. In the novel its a little different to the modern Ring of O, but anyone familar with bdsm culture, and the novel should recognise it for what it is, though how common it is to know the significance of left side to right side is more difficult to know. You can read more here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ring_of_O

Now to the elephant in the room, rape. A difficult topic and one that this thread has thrown up in an unfortunate mannor and in a somewhat hysterical way. By saying that I am not dismissing the fact that rape is common in the world, vanilla, with many having suffered this awful thing, maybe even more common in some parts of the world, and while sadly consent culture is held high in the bdsm world, where consent, and enthusiastic consent is everything, and awareness and discussion much better done than in the vanilla world, consent violations do still occur, some by accident, some by design, and rapes have been part of that. This should not be the case, but as in the vanilla world there are evil, horrible people in the bdsm world and that is a sad fact. Not everyone involved in bdsm are nice, or decent human beings and bdsm often attracts such people looking for a quick fuck, thinking subs are easy meat. In saying that the great majority of people involved in bdsm are not evil, horrible people, and there are no herds of nasty doms hunting sub's to steal and rape them, but it does pay to be careful and test everything, through the lens of everyday common sense and knowing about the bdsm world, activities, skills and the culture. Knowledge will help you filter out the bad guys, and will help to protect you. Its not though full proof and it is still possible to fall prey to a very clever, charming individual who may not be all they say. Its important not to rush into anything and still the frenzy of wanting to run, before one can crawl. In saying all that, many consent violations are accidental, and not deliberate acts of malice. I am not dismissing these, or wanting to diminish the effects, as deliberate or not an accidental violation is still a violation and damaging.

You should be as safe on the street though, as anyone else, regardless of whether you wear anything culturally associated with bdsm, or not, and certainly not going to attract attack, anymore than anyone else, and if a kinkster passes you and does notice the most likely response is a polite nod, or knowing smile, certainly not being leapt on or dragged off to be sexually assaulted. Than is why I used the word hysterical earlier, because to create the idea that displaying something bdsm related, particularly a hard to spot, because its not obvious 'day collar' means you invite attack is crazy talk and the statistic probability is very small, and that attack is more likely to be a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time and a vanilla person is in my view equally at risk.

BDSM activity is by its very nature, even if on the physically mild side, still very challenging and will, take you places you did not expect. It will challenge you, your idea of self, your sexuality, what you enjoy. It stretches on an emotional level, on the physical, and even if everything is discussed and consent enthusiastic, care and attention taken, competent practitioners, it can still be very difficult. That is the reality of exploring the darker side of sensuality but the rewards are magical and an incredible thing, beautiful and amazing, when done carefully and with knowledge and non shitty people.

I hope you have a wonderful journey and only have lovely fun times.

Daddy Time​(dom male) • Jan 18, 2020

Actually i am looking into a rather nice ankle bracelet made of solid silver from to be his I just need to talk to little about it. Another aspect is the heat my house there is only 5 degrees south of the equator so summer is hot like hell and winter is like where the devil would go for a vacation hahaha maybe gets down to 80 degrees at night. Most of what I saw was cheaper day collars like silver plated or gold plated which little said turns her neck green from the sweat if you believe that lol. So solid silver won’t so that and on the ankle (I believe it was doll maker who mentions ankle bracelet) would be low profile.

Re: A Symbol of Your Dynamic

Ilmare​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Jan 18, 2020

The Triskelion was at the forefront of my search. I am not a jewelry wearer, so I was searching for something modest and unassuming. I did not think to look for something like the Ring of O, but there were a few simple necklaces I found perfect.

I was actually looking at some options on Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/search?q=bdsm%20symbol%20jewelry and...
https://www.etsy.com/search?q=ring%20of%20o



I will say my first days on this site, it felt like these "doms" were out in droves. My understanding of this lifestyle has grown exponentially since I started exploring. I like to think that I have grown, as well. It is so easy to get hemmed up in hormones when you meet a new potential. You certainly do want to run - I did. However, the best advice is to acquire knowledge and know your worth. There will always be someone to charm your panties off when you least expect it.

I think the reality was I did not think about what I was going to put out there. I was looking at it from a positive perspective, but I needed a reality check to remind myself that not everyone wants to play nice. Sometimes you have to sift through the muck to find the non-shitty people. We should always be a bit mindful of what we are projecting even if we don't care what others think. Sometimes you simply attract bad things. I'd like to avoid that when possible.

And, thank you! I look forward to exploring it with someone. Hopefully, I do not have to go through a buffet of doms to achieve that goal. 🥴

- ill

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 19, 2020

Think outside the box for concepts of collars. My beloved has multiple necklaces. Those necklaces have a lock. But just somebody walking down the street would just see a necklace unless they specifically were looking for a lock.


Also necklaces. Ankle bracelets. Rings.

Go outside the box

raiseaneyebrow • Jan 19, 2020

For me surely the whole point is that whatever the item of jewellery or clothing is, it is recognised by the sub and their Dom as their Mark. Their implicit and known object which is an external view of their submission. A day collar showing commitment to more than a fleeting play session but to a wholesome commitment and fully displayed ownership.

A gift to be treasured.